In fact, in every marriage, the relationship between husband and wife is like unlocking the "map".
In the big maze of marriage, different ways of getting along; try together, work together, and manage this marriage well.
Some people have a more "negative and slack" attitude towards marriage. Even if there is a conflict with the right person, they are unwilling to take the initiative to find ways to solve the problem, but allow the problem to escalate.
What is a husband-wife relationship?
The best husband and wife relationship is: you have me, I have you; over the long years, two hearts are getting closer and closer, and we will manage this family well together.
So, how to manage a marriage so that the relationship between husband and wife will become better and better?
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"Rosenthal effect ": The power of praise
The most real desire in everyone's heart is to get praise and recognition from the outside world.
Whether it is a husband-and-wife relationship, couple relationship, social relationship or superior-level relationship, we all hope to get the recognition of each other. This is true for
whether it is a "downward compatible" or "upward compatible" relationship.
Psychologist Rosenthal proposed a concept called the "Rosenthal Effect".
He used a psychological experiment to conduct investigations and research.
He went to a certain school, randomly selected a group of students, and told the principal and teachers:
"These students are the smartest and the best; if they can keep it, then their future prospects are limitless."
He didn't say much about the rest.
After he left the school, the principal and teachers regarded this group of students as the targets of focus on training.
After the final exam, these students became the best in the grades; even when they were selected, several students had very average grades.
Rosenthal effect tells you a truth:
Many times, praise and expectation are more effective than your criticism and mockery.
But in reality, we are really stingy to express our feelings.
Children cannot express the sentence "I love you" to their parents, and parents are unwilling to apologize to their children;
lovers are unwilling to bow their heads and admit their mistakes, and they all want to win or lose.
Even if I feel guilty, I don’t want to give in.
In this "opposition" state, the relationship between the two people will only get worse and worse.
Many times, you learn to praise and will bring you unexpected results.
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How should couples "praise" each other?
1. "Sincere praise", the most touching
Any emotion cannot be separated from sincerity.
Your sincerity is the best confession and the most meaningful love words.
When praising the other person, don’t say empty words, such as: “Well, you are great”.
"You are very good"
"You are excellent"
Praise should contain specific things and analyze them in combination with specific cases that the other party has done; while praising the other party, give the other party suggestions.
For example:
After many years of marriage, the man has never cooked food; then on his wife's birthday, the man cooked for the first time to prepare a candlelight dinner for his wife.
In order to learn about this table of food, he was busy from the morning to the evening. Although the taste was not very good, he did put his heart into it.
The wife praised him:
"Thank you for giving me such surprises. After so many years of marriage, you have given me more and more surprises; you have had this level when you cook for the first time. You are really great, I hope to continue to work hard~"
Believe it or not, just this praise can make a man "float".
Sincerity is always the most touching behavior.
On the contrary, if the wife not only does not praise it, she mocks:
"No, you made such a bad meal in one day? You don't eat it if you feed the dog." After saying this, guess what your husband's emotions will be like?
A day of hard work and careful preparation was heartbroken by this sentence.
2. The premise of praise is to discover the advantages of the other party
There is a passage on the Internet saying:
"After the couple have been together for a long time, there are countless thoughts of strangling each other every day."
In fact, this is the truth of marriage.
The longer you are together, the more likely you are to discover the shortcomings of the other party when you are together day and night.
The disadvantages are amplified, which means that the other party's advantages are weakened.
When the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, when the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, it means that your marriage begins to go downhill.
If you want to reverse this predicament, you need to discover the other party's advantages again.
If you really can't find the other person's advantages, ask yourself:
"Why did I marry the other person? At what moment, I decided to be with him?"
The other person has a good personality, a good temper, and a family care. This is the advantage;
The other person can make money and have strong abilities, which is also the advantage;
The other person can cook deliciously, wash clothes cleanly, and do housework, which is the same advantage.
Maybe the other party's feet are smelly and snoring when sleeping, and they don't respect you enough, but while discovering his shortcomings, they also have to discover his advantages. Only when you find shortcomings can you find a way to change the other party; only when you find advantages can you find a way to change the other party; only when you find advantages can you find an angle to praise the other party.
People's subconscious mind is more susceptible to the "subtle" of external voices.
You always criticize him and mock him, and over time he will no longer be willing to listen to you.
You praise him and support him. Over time, he will subconsciously change his behavior.
This is the "positive psychological suggestion effect".
Today’s topic:
Will you praise the other person?
(Article pictures are from the Internet)
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