Since I was thirty, I have never looked at myself directly. For women, when they say age, it seems that someone always minds when they say it from others' mouths; when they say it from their own mouths, they always seem to be unable to believe it. Until I stepped into the thresho

Since I entered the age of thirty, I have never looked at myself directly. For women, when they say age, it seems that someone always minds when they say it from others' mouths; when they say it from their own mouths, they always seem to be unable to believe it.

Until I stepped into the threshold of forty, I was still alone. Whether I looked forward or backward, I felt that my life had reached the midpoint.

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coordinate Nanjing, an international home design museum, I have worked here for twenty years. He is a senior whole-house designer; one percent of the city's customers' home designs are made by themselves.

Over the years, I have designed countless high-end and atmospheric houses with various styles, but I have no one to my own. I am still a leaf wandering here, always dancing lazily in the base of the city walls with the autumn wind, and never want to be imprisoned in those few feet of cages. Just like my unmarriageism, no man can pull me into the siege of marriage.

colleagues all said that I was weird and alternative, they were watching me, and even making fun of me, what day I could do; some were persuading me to make some contribution to the earth, at least leave a human cub, otherwise your talent and passion would be wasted. I smiled and didn't care much about my colleagues' concerns, nor did I want to satisfy their curiosity.

I have the control of my life and my life myself, that's right!

To be precise, since I was 18 years old, when I was still imagining the future prince charming with my sisters on campus and dormitory, there were already boys or men chasing me.

When I was 23 years old and was hiding in society, I might not remember the man who pursued me.

However, there are always those who leave deep memories, which make me love to death and lose myself; I once felt so painful that I could not live in tears; I was also drunk and dreaming and died, and I was happy and elegant.

Finally, when the seeds of love are exhausted and the prince charming around me goes to the siege of the city, I leave me wandering alone outside the city.

is like a faint fragrance on the branches falling all over the flowers. As you are far away, you can't smell my dark fragrance; as you are near, you can't appreciate my lonely silhouette.

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It seems that there are thorns on my body forever. Some men are willing to provoke me. At first, they feel very good when they are pierced, and the more they pierced, they want to get entangled with me. In the end, when they are injured, they have to leave me with a little bit of blood oozing out; some men are so smart that they come to hunt me from time to time, after a full meal, and then come to prey when they are hungry. Every time I have a satisfying harvest, and every time I appreciate me in different scenery.

I love the latter more, with space, room, and a chance to breathe on each other; the ability to protect yourself; and I can also remove my disguise at any time to find my true self. In

, Aliang is it.

It was time for him to chase me, I was thirty-five years old. It has good looks and charm. He saw that I felt comfortable everywhere, charming everywhere, and wanted to touch everything, and wished I could hold it in my mouth every day and cover it in my pocket.

But, he doesn't do this; he only gives me a chance once a month. Every time, it is the best peak in a woman's life. He understands me so much, from the body to the soul.

I also rely on him very much. When I am together, I will not be separated for 24 hours; when I am separated, I will not be contacted for 240 hours.

When he was away, he would think hard and cry hard; but he was in the siege and he had women and girls who needed him more.

That Spring Festival, there was no news for more than 240 hours. In this city, I know what he is doing at this moment.

A man was wearing his pants pockets, and was wet from the fine snow on New Year's Eve, walking from the south of the city to the north of the city; walking from Donghu to the south station entrance.

When he suddenly appeared in front of me, I had become a snowman, tears and the hair on the icy eyebrows were frozen together, sticking to the unconscious cheeks.

This man used his big hands and his hot breasts to cover him, a woman who was not considering care all night.

During the night, he was speechless, and I was speechless, without even the slightest strength to linger.

Everyone can’t guess what they think overnight, and they have no titles.

I was thinking, so many boys, why do I fall in love with this man whose body and soul have passed through thousands of sails?

He once asked me, do you want to walk into the siege with him? I was thinking in my heart, why don’t I think about it?

But I resisted again, I don't want to.

When I was a kid, you know, how terrible I was trapped in a so-called "complete" family, and how decisive I escaped! A family like

is just an empty shell. She has no energy, no love, no love, no I want three meals a day all year round.

My father is bloody and violent, my mother is weak but stubborn, and in the end he did not escape the clutches of his father's ignorance and fearlessness. On one Mid-Autumn Festival, when thousands of families reunite, he walked towards the well in the village reconciliation and jumped down!

The tragic way of saying goodbye in life has affected my childhood, youth, and even middle and twilight years. In the years after

, the father used the blackmailed mother's death compensation to play with one woman after another, kicked out the door after one after another, and threw it away like throwing a rag if he was not favored.

In this world, two half-brothers were left behind, and they depended on each other for three to five years in that stormy family.

The year when I left home and left my job, my father also suffered the retribution he deserved. On a very cold, dark and windy night, he was stabbed to death by the lover of an unknown woman on the street.

Two poor younger brothers were sent to a local boarding school by me. One is already in the third year of junior high school and is young, and is at the age of ignorance but unruly; the other is about to enter junior high school and has a violent temper and taciturn temperament like his father.

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Aliang knows that he won’t give it to me, but he still wants to arouse my appetite and let me beg him for nothing?

is of course impossible.

is a symbol for me. I can design it as warm, comfortable, romantic, but it cannot tolerate the fireworks of a man and a woman.

I even hate the so-called male owner in this "home" space.

Of course, Aliang would not let me beg him for nothing. He always wanted to lift all the responsibility and walked out of the siege. He was eager to bring me, a woman who was afraid of marriage, into the city.

is not easy!

Unexpectedly, the second month, he came to me with the purple-red book, knelt down, hugged my trembling legs tightly, and said to me like a treasure: Jing, go, let’s get married!

I finally retreated, and I didn’t have the courage to enter that civil affairs bureau! I have no confidence to hold a man's hand and give him the rest of my life!

's inner resistance and real voice blocked me from being a normal woman. On this road to the besieged city, I never took any steps.

Aliang was extremely disappointed, and he said, "I still didn't come into your heart." Even though you have a slender waist that fascinates me; even if you have long hair that is so elegant that I am absent-minded; even if you have a cold and proud face, now, I may not need these. I burned your passion, but accidentally burned my heart.

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A Liang left my world and I cried so hard that my heart and souls broke!

I was drowsy all over the autumn, and my body seemed to be empty. When I wanted to put my head on his shoulders; when I wanted to put my hand into his pocket; when I wanted to fall into his inner melancholy; when I wanted to shrink into the quilt and be hugged by him~ He was gone!

is by my side, and only the irritable air wraps me!

I haven't released myself for a long time. At the age of forty-three, I suddenly felt that my physical needs were no longer so strong. I heard from my friend that Aliang often stayed in his friend's sofa like a child and was silent and stunned.

After all, it was a man who had been entangled with for more than ten years, hurting him from head to toe and from body to heart.

I realized that I was no longer qualified to call a man and then leave.

After I took off my cold and arrogant coat and lowered my high head, what was flowing in my bones was still the initial mood of a woman: Keep wandering, not whose wife, not whose mother, not whose daughter-in-law, and not whoever!

, with the income I just obtained and the super high performance award this month, I went to visit two younger brothers who called me "sister".

They lived a good life in school, they adapted to leaving home at a young age, they knew they had no parents, so, they were stronger than I thought.

I bought them winter cotton coats, the most seasonal fruits, and several large bags of snacks they liked; I picked a bunch of teaching aids for the older brother who was preparing to sprint for the junior high school entrance examination; I bought his favorite sneakers and sweatshirts for the younger brother who was preparing to go to junior high school. When

was leaving, the little brother held my hand and said: Can you take me to see my mother?

I was stunned for a moment, and I don’t know how to answer, your mother ran away with, and who still remembers the insignificant you? I thought so sadly in my heart, but I didn't say it or give the answer.

He let go of my hand in disappointment, his eyes full of the emptiness and loss of love.

The eldest brother looked at me with his eyes: Can you take me home? There is also a photo of my mother under my bed, and I want to get it back.

Yes, the old house in my family was demolished last year. Who knows where your mother's photos were buried. I thought so sadly in my heart, but didn't say it.

We are all three homeless children, but in my heart, the concept of "home" has disappeared for a long time; in your heart, the swaying home, the warmth of home is still lingering in your hearts, and the thoughts left by your parents.

I think that soon, you will erase this "home" and all the gray memories about "home" from your heart, clean and thoroughly, just like me.

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My heart hurt a little, and I couldn't breathe.

I remembered that there was a man who had no home since he was a child. He regarded me as his home. When intimately, he would subconsciously call me "Mom, Mom~"

and then buried it in my arms, arching desperately, like a child who found a home. In addition to happiness, there were also acting coquettish and crying~

I took their hands and took them to a warm and comfortable B&B , and arranged the best, most intimate, caring and patient aunts, allowing them to live for a whole week, feel the taste of home, and experience the family affection of home.

I wash and cook breakfast for them, count the stars and watch the moon at night, and hug them like my mother, and count their future lives with them.

That week, I was stuck with them and “home”. If the home looks so harmonious, I really want to pull a man in and take us all year round, spring, summer, autumn and winter~

I think of Aliang fiercely, I really want to send him a message and tell him, if you don’t mind, I just want to chat with you~

Don’t beg you to come and pass my soul again, don’t beg you to bear my little fist again, don’t beg you to kiss the tears on my face, I just want to chat with you!

tells you my feelings for this, she is actually very fragile; I want you to pick up my unspeakable mood that I fell to the ground; I want you to touch my heart that was closed for a long time~

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Winter is coming soon, and a client said that he was going to marry his little wife, and he finally broke free from his ex-wife's entanglement; he said that he wanted to give his little wife the most romantic, beautiful and luxurious home in the world; he asked me to design all the rooms as the little wife wanted.

I nodded and agreed.

When I was immersed in the whole house works I had conceived for them day and night, I also imagined the cold and heat in this room, the love they played in this room, the joys and sorrows of the world~

handed out the pattern, looking at the intoxicated smile of the client, the little wife in the man's arms was charming and whispering, and suddenly I remembered Aliang again.

A man was wearing his pants pockets, and was wet from the fine snow on New Year's Eve, walking from the south of the city to the north of the city; walking from the East Lake to the entrance of the South Station, there would never be any shadow of Aliang in the bustling crowd.

I really want to ask: Have you ever wanted to give me such an ending, a beauty who is drooling in the evening but never tired of watching, a man full of passion but extremely tenderness, and a house I long for, and then, like countless ordinary couples, spend and realize the winters and expectations we made together on a certain wind-blown night in a certain year, month and month?

I just asked myself weakly in my heart, Aliang!