My son is 13 years old this year. I have been paying child support since he was in junior high school. It used to be 1,000 yuan per month, and then it was 1,500 yuan. I see my child two or three times a month.

I am encountering emotional problems now and don’t know what to do. I want you to help me.

I am 39 years old this year. I have been divorced once, when I was 29 years old. I have a son with my ex-husband, and the child was given to my ex-husband at that time.

My son is 13 years old this year. When he was in junior high school, I have been paying child support. It used to be 1,000 yuan per month, and then it was 1,500 yuan. I see the child two or three times a month.

My ex-husband has remarried a long time ago. We rarely communicate with each other, and we only communicate when something happens involving our children.

When I was 32, I met a married man who was 10 years older than me and I had been with him for 7 years.

He and I also have a 4 and a half year old daughter who is in kindergarten.

He is quite responsible to me and bought me a large house of 160 square meters for my mother and daughter to live alone.

also bought me a BMW car worth more than 400,000 yuan, so that it is convenient to pick up and drop off my children.

After my child went to kindergarten, he introduced me to another job. The income was not too high, but the work was leisurely and the time was free. He made five to six thousand yuan a month. He was working as an administrator in a company of a friend of his.

The monthly living expenses are also given to us by him, which is enough for me and my children.

But I feel that in the past two years, he is not as caring and enthusiastic about me and my children as before.

When we first met, he told me clearly that he would never get divorced in his life, but he had true feelings for me and was serious about it.

If I follow him, he will not treat me badly.

He often tells me that although he cannot marry me, he will never give me less than he gives to his wife.

takes care of me more than he takes care of his wife.

He said that his relationship with his wife is not very good, and he maintains the marriage for the sake of his children and parents.

But in the past two years, I feel that he has become obviously cold towards me.

treats his wife better than he treats me.

No matter how late he stays at my place, even if it is one or two in the morning, he will go back and never spend the night at my place.

And when I first got together with him, as long as he was not on a business trip, he would come to see me almost every other day. Later, when I had children, he would come to see me every two or three days.

will only come once every two or three weeks this year.

And the number of times we have sex together is getting less and less. This year, even two hands are not enough to count.

He is becoming more and more attentive to his wife and takes good care of her.

No matter what the situation is, as soon as his wife calls, he will leave immediately.

Even if he takes me and my children to play outside, after answering the phone, he will abandon us and leave.

It turns out, I don’t care about this. I can understand why he feels like this. After all, he is a man with a family. I can’t want too much.

But now that the child is getting older, she still doesn’t know that her father is someone else’s father, and she doesn’t know that she is an illegitimate daughter.

Every time my child asks her dad why he doesn’t come home, I tell her that dad is busy at work and on a business trip.

I hope he can, for the sake of his children, keep a bowl of water on both sides level and not favor one over the other and neglect me and the children.

He treats me and his wife more and more differently, and cares less and less about me. I just want to ask you, does he still love me now? Is he tired of me?

In fact, when I was pregnant, he didn't want me to give birth. I considered that I didn't have a child by my side, and my relationship with my son was relatively indifferent, and I had no hope of remarrying in the future. Now that I have one, let's do it.

Even if I give him a daughter, I can still have a spiritual sustenance and a hope.

Besides, I can’t see the future of being with him. With a child, there is still a little hope.

When I divorced my ex-husband, my son was very young, and I couldn’t bear to let him go. But I couldn’t win over my ex-husband despite fighting over him. His financial situation was better than mine. Besides, I didn’t have a house. In the end, my child was just a child. Can give it to him.

I got divorced, and many acquaintances introduced me to partners. One of them was a young man who disliked me for being married and having a son, and he had to pay child support every month.

later met another man who was also divorced and had children. The two could never get along and they always argued about money, so they simply broke up.

was delayed like this for several years until I met him.

I was working in a hotel at the time. I started as a waiter, and after two years I became the floor manager.

He is a big customer in the hotel, and all the customers from his company will be arranged to stay in my hotel.

Once he came with two clients and got drunk, so I made them sobering soup.

He was very moved. He gave me a tip, but I didn’t accept it, so he wanted to treat me to dinner. I became familiar with

over time, and gradually got better.

Although he is much older than me, he looks very young, and there is a factory left for him at home. He is financially strong, generous, sincere, mature and stable, and is different from the men I have interacted with before.

His marriage was arranged by his parents back then. He said that his wife was not good-looking but had a good personality and was very kind to him. He had no reason to ask for a divorce. It is impossible to leave in the future.

He said he likes me very much, and I also like him very much.

I didn’t have a good life in the years before I met him after the divorce. I didn’t ask for anything when we got divorced. It was considered a clean life and I left the house. My ex-husband had a bad temper and was prone to domestic violence domestic violence , I really couldn't bear it, so I left.

Because I had to pay child support and rent a house, I was reluctant to eat and wear clothes. I basically never bought new clothes, and my life was very tight.

After meeting him, my life changed.

He gave me money and helped me find another job. He was very kind to me.

He is a very reliable man and I have developed a strong sense of dependence on him.

In the following years, he has always paid for the child support.

He is very good at making money and has never treated me badly in life.

In the past few years, I have not had any contact with the opposite sex because of him.

Later I got pregnant. He didn’t want it, but I did. He said he wouldn’t divorce me even if I gave birth to a child.

I say it’s okay not to divorce, as long as both parties are equal.

He has a son who is 19 years old this year.

He promised me at that time, saying that he would take care of our mother and daughter’s feelings in the future and would not let us be wronged.

But now I feel that he has not achieved equality on both sides at all.

I don’t want to fight for anything, I don’t want to be in a position of power, and I don’t want to force him to divorce.

But he can't do this to us.

Usually when I'm with him, we can talk about anything, but we can't talk about feelings.

When it comes to relationships, he becomes silent.

He also selectively responds to the messages I send, unless it is about the children. He will reply. Even if I usually say something to him, he is always very perfunctory and sometimes does not reply.

Moreover, the living expenses he gives me are obviously much less now. It used to be 10,000 to 20,000 yuan a month, and he would give me money during big and small festivals, but now he basically doesn’t give me any money.

Living expenses are only five to six thousand a month, as if I am working for him and he is my boss.

The previous Valentine’s Day, Dragon Boat Festival and other anniversaries are all gone.

This makes me feel that being with him is very boring, as if I am a piece of his clothes, I wear it when I want to wear it, and I want to throw it away if I don't wear it.

I asked him, do you no longer want us, mother and daughter?

He said never. Business has not been very good in the past two years, and he doesn’t have much thought for doing these fancy things. He told me not to think too much.

He also hoped that I would not force him and just maintain the status quo.

If I push him too hard, he will never come over and have no children.

I still love him in my heart, and I just want him to love me more and care more.

So I am very confused, how can I make him return to his previous enthusiasm for me?

If he has been so indifferent to me and my children, do I still have to persist?

But without him, I am now older, it is difficult to find a job, and the cost of having children in the future is not small. It is really scary to think about the poor days before.

is very confused and doesn’t know how to get along with him.

I want to say: There are no shortcuts on the road of life.

sometimes seems like a shortcut at the time, but from a long-term perspective, it is not a shortcut, just a trap.

If a woman can survive from waitress to floor manager in two years, it means that she has a certain ability at work. If she survives for a few more years, she will have greater room for development and advancement in her career.

But you chose to rely on men, worked as a mistress for a rich man, gave birth to a child for him, relied on him for everything, and found a leisurely job, thinking that this was your smooth path.

The ditches and hurdles that

bypassed at that time will appear twice in front of you in the future.

No matter how difficult it was for you in the past, you were still young and could make a living on your own. Even if you were divorced, your heart would be magnanimous and your ability to work and live would gradually improve. The man you wanted to find would also choose more and more people as you improved. Come more and more.

But you are willing to choose to be kept in captivity and are used to others' charity.

Don’t say that when a man promised you that a bowl of water would be balanced, this is simply impossible to achieve.

They are the original wife and you are the mistress. From the beginning to now, you and them are not on the same level. There is no fairness at all.

It is said that literature has literary virtues, and military virtues have martial virtues. A mistress imagines that a man puts himself in the same position as his original wife. This means that he does not care about martial virtues and cannot figure out his own position.

He and his wife are equal. Husband and wife are equal in law. No matter who earns more or less, they are the joint property of husband and wife. They will be protected in real life and public opinion.

As for a mistress, she will feel inferior in front of a man and her first wife, and will also be condemned by public opinion. Why should a weird man who deceives himself put his first wife first and say whether he loves her or not?

When a man is happy, he will give you more, but when he is unhappy and tired, he will kick you away. Who do you go to to reason with?

You just ignored it.

People's family and social attributes are not all supported by the love you think they are.

You need to understand where you are and give yourself a clear positioning.

What you think of love is just what you think.

You don’t really love a man, you just rely on him to provide you with a comfortable material life.

Men stay with you because you are young, presumably beautiful, and want to experience the fresh excitement of an extramarital affair. Add some spice to the dull married life.

It’s become a habit after a long time.

He has no sense of novelty or passion for you anymore, and of course he doesn’t have the same enthusiasm for you as before.

But you still imagine that his bowl of water is flat. Today is no longer the same as it used to be.

He occasionally comes to see you for the sake of his child. If you had not given birth to his child, he would have stopped contacting you, let alone giving you living expenses.

In this situation, make plans in advance.

is not yet 40 years old, so he should put more effort into his work. If you want to rely on a man, he will run away.

There will be many places where children will need to spend money in the future, and this man may not be able to count on them. You should divert your attention and make more money.

According to the current situation, men are tired of living with a family outside the home. Even the status quo cannot last long. If you want to find a way to be independent, just treat it as a second marriage and divorce.

Hello, I still have a house and a car, and after a few years of living like a golden bird, I don’t want to starve to death, so I need to find food by myself as soon as possible.