We always say that in love, we must communicate with each other and discuss with each other, so that love with discussion and measurement is beautiful. However, the seemingly simple problem that can be solved by just moving your mouth has become an insurmountable obstacle between lovers.
There is a familiar line in the movie "Black Swan": "Perfection lies not in control, but in release." The biggest embarrassment in life is "You have a sea in your eyes, but you can't hold my half of blue." We all hate being controlled, but we always inadvertently control others deliberately, getting worse without knowing it. Throughout the ages, countless facts have proved that your desire to control is destroying your favorite person.
Taiwan anchor Hou Patty is the "white moonlight" in the minds of many people. She has a dignified appearance, safe handling, and she has always been praised for her high emotional intelligence. However, in the variety show " mother-in-law and mother 2 ", her high emotional intelligence personality falls apart because of her lingering desire for control. In the show, her husband Huang Baijun got up early to attend an online business meeting, but did not finish the omelette made by Patty Hou, so she started a series of questions: "Why didn't you finish it?" Since you can't finish it, why don't you say it earlier?" The eggs are specially prepared for you. Do you know anything like this? "The husband stood helplessly, like a child doing something wrong.
In the afternoon, Patty Hou did aerobic exercises with her mother. She insisted on pulling her husband who was not interested at all. Her husband was very reluctant, but embarrassed. I refused, so I had to change into sportswear obediently. The mother and daughter jumped constantly while the husband was playing on the phone, which was very embarrassing. Finally, they simply took advantage of their attention and slipped into the room.
Throughout the show, Patty Hou has been telling her husband what he "should" do: Thank mother, go to bed early, exercise... It is suffocating. In the interview, even Patty Hou said that she felt that her husband was with her, not even It’s easy to be with her mother. Many times, when she talked, he just responded blindly, he didn’t think at all.Don't care. It was like completely shielding her. No wonder netizens teased Patty Hou’s husband as if he was rented.
Psychologically speaking, the desire to control usually stems from inner anxiety. Those who are cautious, pursuing perfection, and who are always insecure in their hearts, want to gain a sense of control. Patty Hou, who was born as an "illegitimate girl," has been insecure since she was a child, so she was afraid of losing her husband and unconsciously wanted to control this intimacy. The more restless the mind, the stronger the desire to control, and the reality really cannot be controlled one by one, so the more restless the mind, thus entering a vicious circle. This vicious circle escalates to the end, which is deliberately hurting one's lover. Whether it's peeking at the phone, tracking and locating each other, or direct domestic violence, this kind of intimacy will be destroyed.
Zhou Guoping once said that every intimate relationship is ultimately a journey to oneself. Therefore, the smartest way in marriage is not to care too much about the other party, but to pay more attention to self-growth and keep yourself attractive at all times, so as to completely dispel the inner anxiety, completely let go of the desire to control, and give the other party the greatest freedom. After all, the sense of security is given by oneself. Everyone has a desire for control. This desire for control is hidden in the subconscious and often occurs before reacting. Your desire to control will fill you with a sense of security. You no longer fear that your lover will have anything that does not meet your inner expectations, but is that true? No, you may be ruining your love step by step.
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