I saw a question on Zhihu: "What kind of experience is love incompetence?" ?
A netizen answered that he liked it very highly. He said:
Being single is something that you will get used to. Eat by yourself, sleep by yourself, and play by yourself. In the end, you will forget love and the touch that love brings you. After a long time, you will have the attributes of hermaphrodite . Learn to warm yourself. You take good care of yourself. You no longer need love, and you lose your ability to love.
People nowadays seem to like to be alone more and more. They don't want to make friends or fall in love.
Enjoying the carnival of one person is better than the loneliness of a group of people.
There is a word in psychology called: "love is incompetent". As the name implies, there is no ability to love.
(1)
What is love incompetence?
heard the explanation of a psychological counselor, and put it in place:
Love incompetence is the inability to get along with others, no desire to love each other, a life without love, lack of warmth, like a cold wall, Although it is strong, it makes people have no desire to approach.
Simply put, the incompetent lover is a group of people who do not have the ability to love. They are not allowed to love themselves. Therefore, I will not adjust myself to this position where I can love.
A friend who falls in love will always break up within three months.
In a relationship, a little bit of warmth and a little bit of goodness from the other party can make her tempted, but it is easy to be tempted and easier to give up.
As long as she noticed something wrong, she immediately broke up, and went very decisively.
In fact, she didn't want to do this herself, and she even felt guilty for every boyfriend who was broken up, but she just couldn't stick to it.
There is also a friend who has a cold nature. At first, everyone thought she was not sociable, but later found out that she was not cold to everyone, relatives, colleagues, lovers... I live with my grandparents, and occasionally live with relatives, and rarely enjoy the warmth of parental love and maternal love.
Over time, I got used to this kind of life.
(2)
If you want to love but dare not love, you want to love but you are afraid of being hurt. This is probably the expression that love cannot.
Some people say: loves the incompetent and is a deserter in an intimate relationship.
They are self-denying, insecure, and believe that their true self is not worthy of being loved.
I once saw a case where the netizen Xiaoqing received a gift from her boyfriend on Valentine's Day. It was a valuable necklace. Xiaoqing liked this necklace for a long time and was not willing to buy it.
She was very happy when she received a gift from her boyfriend, but soon Xiaoqing began to feel uneasy.
Should such an expensive gift be accepted? Do you want to give back a more expensive gift? Will it be burdensome for my boyfriend to spend so much?
A good Valentine's Day, and finally broke up!
Later, through consultation, it was discovered that Xiaoqing had been asked by her parents to be sensible since she was a child. If she did something that her parents were not satisfied with, they would accuse her, dislike her, or even threaten to abandon her.
Since she was a child, she seldom asks her parents for anything, and never troubles them, she will try her best to solve any problems.
Because no one has paid for her since childhood, Xiaoqing does not allow others to love herself more deep in her heart.
She doesn’t know how to love,Don't understand what it's like to be loved.
(3)
The most popular words in recent years are "native family" and "childhood shadow".
Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: "Home is a channel for love and warmth, as well as a channel for hate and hurt."
It can be said that most of the problems in adulthood come from the native family.
Moreover, it mainly comes from your relationship with your parents.
Our culture has always advocated "Parents Who Are All Under Heaven".
However, the fact is: there are no children in the world.
The child was born on a piece of white paper, and it depends mainly on the parents.
During the first half of a person's life, he spends the most time with his parents.
Everything in a child's childhood comes from his parents.
Parents are the children's support, and they are also the ones that children trust most and love unconditionally.
But it is difficult for people to realize that the relationship with their parents will have a significant impact on their lives.
(4)
Hugo said: " if there is no love in the world, the sun will be gone. is the strongest in the world. Beautiful things, it can make all things exude vitality.
If you can, I hope you bravely accept, experience, and release yourself.
If you feel that you lack the ability to love, you have not enjoyed the slightest happiness in a relationship.
At this time, you have to try to open your heart and fully communicate with your partner, friends, and family.
As long as you are willing to change, happiness will knock on the door.
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