I do not deny that friendships can be established between colleagues, but I also understand a premise-the friendship between us and colleagues is based on "working together". It also means that no matter how deep the friendship between us and our colleagues is, we can’t talk about everything we do with our girlfriends, brothers, and family.
But what topics should be talked about, what should not be talked about, how to talk, how much to talk about, and whether there are clear boundaries, let's discuss together.
Topics not to be talked about or less talked about
- One is marriage and family relations.
In a marriage and a family, the two most important relationships are "husband and wife relationship" and "mother-in-law relationship". However, these two topics are both sensitive and it is best to talk less or not.
I can’t talk about sensitive topics.
When I first went to work, I chatted with the big sisters in the office and found that they rarely mentioned their significant other. Sometimes I talked about it occasionally, but I also took it in a sentence or two, as if it were an untouchable topic. I haven't quite understood it. Obviously many of them, the other half are also doing good jobs, why don't you want to say more?
May 2018 coincided with the personnel adjustment, the unit had a reserve cadre promotion, the organization department went to the unit to investigate the basic situation of the comrade, and there was a discussion session. In fact, the people who are organized to discuss are selected by the leaders in advance to avoid uncontrollable situations.
However, when I was interviewed, a member of the inspection team asked: "I heard that so and so (the person to be promoted) has a bad relationship with his spouse, do you know?" At that time, I was shocked-- Isn't it just talking about work ability, performance and character? Who knows their husband and wife relationship?
I answer truthfully, I don't know.
Just imagine, if some of the people being interviewed say something that is not in accordance with the facts and is arbitrarily fabricated, can this person be promoted smoothly?
Later, I probably understood why so many people do not easily discuss their significant other; even found that some people, even if the other person is not good, must create a harmonious and respectful atmosphere in front of colleagues.Because family relations are always the biggest weakness of system promotion.
The second is the gossip of colleagues or leaders.
As the saying goes, "curiosity kills the cat", but it still can't resist the "gossip fire" burning inside!
Those peachy news, background resources, character relationships, promotion paths, work mistakes, etc., are absolute "talking" outside of work. The latter ones are okay. Discuss it in private with the door closed. How much can be reminded of each other, but the first one is resolute enough to stop, because within the system, the relationship between men and women is a taboo!
In this year’s township change, according to the previous practice, the range of personnel transfers within the city was relatively large, and many people have begun to speculate on the issue of whether or not to leave the unit’s internal leaders.
The old one of the original unit was rumored to "will be adjusted to the municipal functional department" at the beginning of the change of term. At first, it spread within the unit, and then spread to the municipal units. However, in the final appointment document, among the township leaders in the city, only the old one of two units was adjusted, and the others remained unchanged to maintain the follow-up of the existing work.
Those who "flattered" in advance, it is estimated that they "patted the hoof of the donkey". Although this metaphor is not appropriate, I want to convey a message-although we often say that those gossips may not be groundless, it is better to talk less before the facts are in place.
What's more, whether in the system or in the enterprise, leaders don't like those subordinates who get together to chat with each other every day. This is a big unstable factor that easily affects internal unity and even corrupts the image of the unit.
Third, work secrets that have not been widely announced.
When I was working in the town government, I once attended the joint committee of the team. At the meeting, the results of the work will be summarized, work arrangements will be arranged, and some decisions will be made.
But I found that even though it was a decision made by the meeting as a whole, before the document was issued, the leaders at the meeting had very few open discussions-this was all a work secret.
Even if some decisions are not high-level work secrets, discussing those undisclosed decisions too much is not only a manifestation of political immaturity, but sometimes it may constitute a violation of discipline.
Fourth, some personal matters confessed by leaders or colleagues.
Colleagues or leaders are willing to confess their personal affairs to us, out of trust in us, believe that we are not the kind of "big speaker" type of people, then, we can help each other as much as possible to complete the personal affairs After that, there is no need to act as a "propaganda officer". In particular, if you do not want to cause "jealous" and "squeeze out" from other colleagues, resolutely refrain from talking about things that the leader confesses.
The picture comes from Unsplash
Of course, you have to distinguish yourself whether this private matter is illegal, prohibited, or against ethics. However, I guess the possibility is unlikely-who would easily give away their own mistakes to others?
Five are personal negative emotions.
Keep in mind that the core of the colleague relationship is "competition", which is the mutual game of interests. Therefore, as mentioned above, do not easily give your mistakes to others, and the individual is against the unit and the colleague. , Dissatisfaction with the leader or other negative emotions is one of the "wrong places."
My classmate made this mistake and almost delayed his selection.
She is a teacher of a party school. She has excellent results in the selection examination and written examination. She probably feels that she finally has a chance to leave her original unit. During a colleague gathering, she expressed some personal opinions on the unit’s assessment system—naturally not. What are the supporting opinions.
As a result, it was passed to the leader's ears. When she wanted to take time off to go home to prepare for the selection interview, the leader naturally refused to approve leave using the existing leave cancellation system.
Not only did she fail to realize in time that it was caused by personal improper remarks, but she continued to complain to me about the "authoritarian and domineering" she led. I advise her to prepare for the interview and do her job as much as possible, especially not to have any conflicts with leaders and colleagues, and not to make any negative remarks.It will not be too late to discuss after the inspection is over and the entry procedures are completed.
Image comes from Unsplash
The reason is very simple, we cannot guarantee that our colleagues and leaders are noble people who are happy to see it. Naturally, we must ensure that we do not have the chance of being seized by others. , Otherwise, the one who suffers is always oneself.
Topics that can be talked about
People are social animals, so they will naturally socialize, and there will be verbal "you come and go". It is impossible to be an invisible person from beginning to end. But there are so many topics that you can’t talk about or talk about less, and you can’t be "dumb". Which ones can be discussed?
The first topic, positive personal growth experience.
does not stick to oneself, it can also be what we see in the book, others quoted, as long as it is positive, it can be discussed. And pay attention to guiding us to acquire a certain skill, learn certain knowledge, and obtain certain effective information from it.
The second topic is the education of children.
If you don't want to give people a dry and cold impression in the workplace, some more human topics are inevitable, such as family.
But marriage and family are sensitive topics after all, but one is not counted-parent-child relationship.
Picture from Unsplash
It is okay to discuss the child’s growth story, childhood fun, or parenting experience with each other, but resolutely avoid "showing wealth" and "showing achievements" discussion, otherwise, a good one It’s easy for the topic to become "awkward chat" or even "end of no disease".
The third topic, hot news.
The reason why a hot news can become the content that everyone pays attention to in a short time is more because of some issues such as human nature, mechanism, emotion, etc. behind it.
And hot discussion can open up our thinking in many aspects and dimensions, and grasp the general direction of the policy from it, especially the personal characteristics of people around us. The most important point is that it does not have much direct contact with us. It doesn't hurt to talk a little deeper.
Of course, there are still many topics that can be discussed, such as hit movies and TV series, popular clothing, books you are reading, etc., I won't list them all here.
Two principles
The topics we discuss with colleagues are not only these, and those topics that are as little or as little as possible are not taboos. As long as you have a good grasp of it, you can speak freely. But before you start, keep two principles in mind.
Grasp the two principles before starting the chat
Principle one, talk more about the positive, don't talk about the negative or say less about the negative.
The whole society is spreading positive energy, let alone we are in the workplace? Let alone the leadership, we are ourselves, and hope to fight with energy every day!
Abandon those negative emotions, rumors, negative reports, etc., pay more attention to positive people, positive information, inspirational stories, not only to cheer yourself up, to establish an optimistic and positive personality, more importantly, do not let those negative things Corrupt our noble soul.
principle two, talk less, listen more and do more
This is the most important principle, there is no one.
If you say less, you won’t be able to incur the "worries of the tongue"; listen more, filter valid information, and automatically block invalid or unfavorable information; do more to grow faster, until you are alone.
The picture comes from Unsplash
Actually, the number and depth of the topic is just a quick talk, and it doesn't have much practical significance. Just in the process of discussing, remember that we and our colleagues are "only colleagues", not girlfriends, comrades-in-arms, or alliances, even if we have worked together to establish a close friendship in a certain project or meeting,Once encountering a "struggle of interests", the collapse of the relationship can only happen overnight.
After all, familiar people know where to lay the knife the most painful!
Remember, never expose your weaknesses to others, especially your competitors in the workplace.
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