Image source/Jasmine
Hello, I am Jasmine.
This is the sixth year I have entered the marriage and have a child.
has just resigned and is preparing to be a self-media: First, I like this industry more and think the development prospects are good; second, I want to accompany my children well; from then on, I will be a housewife in the eyes of outsiders.
To be honest, I am quite enjoying the days when I can’t go to work now, maybe it’s because this is the 6th day after I left the job.
I have been working since I graduated; after giving birth, I also took maternity leave, so I went to work.
in the Internet industry, work is very busy, overtime is the norm, and they also travel frequently, so the children are mainly taken care of by their parents.
In fact, after having children, I also thought about not going to work, but my parents and I analyzed the situation in many homes together and agreed that: Girls should have their own jobs, and no matter how much they earn, they are the confidence in their own lives.
M is also willing to help me take care of my children and let me go to work with peace of mind.
feels a little guilty and feels sorry for parents and children.
I think every mother who works will feel sorry for her child and has not taken good care of him;
Every mother who doesn't work will feel that every day is a family matter and has aggrieved herself;
It seems that no matter how we choose, it is difficult to achieve both.
Speaking of my husband, in terms of parenting, it is not someone else's widowed parenting, but it is not someone else's warm dad. It is a relatively ordinary partner and is still far from the qualified dad in my heart.
As my husband, although we have had a lot of differences and quarrels in the mess and trivialities of this marriage, he is indeed good to me.
other family members are very good to me. Even the most difficult relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is basically not present because we don’t live together.
My marriage, at present, may not be as happy as other people's family, but also not as sad as others.
But actually, when I first got married, it was not like this. I also experienced repeated trials and adjustments to reach the current situation. is not satisfied, but I am still satisfied with .
Today I want to talk to you about some truths in marriage. It is recommended that sisters must maintain independence and autonomy in marriage. This independence and autonomy does not only refer to money, but more psychological aspects.
01. After a girl gets married, she has no home.
After getting married, you are a guest at your parents' home and you are an outsider at your in-laws' home.
I have a friend who doesn’t seem to be a far-fledged marriage; from our town, we got married to our city, and drove for an hour. After marriage, I quarreled with my mother-in-law, held the child, and had no place to go, and finally went back in shame.
Of course, some people will say, why don’t you go back to your parents’ home? ——I am afraid that my sister-in-law will get angry and my parents will be worried.
3333333333333 Girls get married, and you seem to have nowhere to be angry, and you don’t know where to place it.
Every Chinese New Year, when I go back to my mother-in-law's house, I feel at a loss; my mother's house can't go back at all times; at that time, I was more eager to return to the rental house where I worked outside, because that belongs to me.
Image source/Jasmine
02. Please discuss the betrothal gift in advance.
is not about discussing with your boyfriend, but about discussing with both parents, especially the male parents.
Of course, unless your boyfriend has the ability to give his own bride price.
Before I got married, I considered that their family had two sons and only one house; so I agreed with my boyfriend that their family would pay 300,000 yuan, even if they solved the bride price.
actually has 300,000 yuan, and we can't buy a house.
Originally, my parents wanted to get married and buy a house and our family would get a dowry.
so that the couple will have a much easier life in the future, and they will only earn enough money for their daily expenses; later they gave up because they had two sons.
As a result, they were getting married, but their family suddenly said that they didn’t have that much money; listening to both parents bargaining there, I felt like the goods on the goods and didn’t want to get married at all. Although I later received 250,000 yuan, my impression of their family was greatly reduced in my heart; my parents also advised me that every family is like this.
3 girls must negotiate a good gift before marriage, and also prepare for the number that is not the one you think.
Image source/Jasmine
03. When it comes to having a child, you must think twice before you act.
Maybe it’s because I have watched too many fairy tales, or maybe it’s because I have watched too many soap operas, and my expectations for the future are always beautiful.
I always think that marriage is a sequel to love, until I had a child, the mess of marriage had just begun.
htmlThe pain of the wound during the 3-month period, the child's endless crying, breastfeeding, and lack of sleep have kept me on the verge of collapse all the time.
After his 15-day maternity leave, he took the high-speed train back to Beijing to go to work.
It is obviously the child of two people, but in the end I am the only one who is fighting.
When it comes to having children, men always give too little, while women give too much.
So I suggest that every girl who has not yet given birth should be mentally prepared.
even if you are not mentally prepared, then I ask you to prepare at least for money.
There is a saying that goes, "Money can solve more than 90% of things, and the remaining 10% can also be relieved by money."
The pain of giving birth cannot be relieved by money; but after giving birth, the energy spent on self-maintenance and raising a child can be relieved by money.
Image source/Jasmine
04. Don’t expect too much from your in-laws.
You hope that your in-laws can help you with housework and take care of your children. It is best to help you financially when you are in trouble.
This is not very realistic, at least many people around me have not encountered it.
3 can help you with housework, but you can't help you with your children, but you can't help you with financially;
3 can help with financially, but you won't help you with children;
What's more, you won't help you with your children, but you can't support them financially, so it's good not to drag you back.
My expectation from my in-laws is: Just be good to my son, nothing else matters.
Image source/Jasmine
05. Discuss who can control the financial power of the family.
In the past, my husband and I both had the money we earned; later when I learned about financial investment, he kept the money for me.
I didn’t go to work, and it was also approved by him; so I agreed to him: keep the money for me to ensure my sense of security.
I think an old saying is correct: "Where is a man's money, his heart is."
has no money, even if he wants to do something else, he can't act.
I saw an article on the Internet before:
Since no one took care of the children, the man convinced his wife to quit his job and go home to be a full-time housewife.
My wife said yes, you have to pay me a salary according to the market price, and you have to pay living expenses and housework fees; this shows that my work is valuable.
Of course, you can also choose to go home to take care of your children, I will give you these fees.
I suggest that every full-time mother has the financial power at home; of course, those who cannot control their own random consumption will not be controlled.
Image source/Jasmine
06. After marriage, you should also clearly express your feelings.
Sometimes I gossip with my mom about the marriage life of many people around me. Sometimes I am very scared, will I live like this in the future?
When my friend got married, her mother-in-law said in front of her that the girl who used to date her son was so good;
She felt very uncomfortable and complained to me.
I told her: You either tell her directly that I feel uncomfortable when you say this; or we may divorce and let your son marry that woman.
I believe your mother-in-law will not say anything later.
She said in a tangled way: She is an elder, and it’s not a big deal. I just got married again, so I don’t want to create conflicts, etc. So I kept swallowing my anger.
Later, they had a big quarrel because of this; her mother-in-law also said that was fine before, but now she doesn't even allow her to say something.
Most people are dissatisfied with some things in their husband’s family when they first got married, but because they just got married and wanted to maintain a good image, they basically accept it, and then the conflicts continue to accumulate until they break out.
Actually, your attitude towards handling things at the beginning has affected the attitude of others towards you in many subsequent things.
Things you feel very uncomfortable, please clearly express your feelings on the first time.
Image source/Jasmine
07. At any time, you are the most important.
When I just gave birth, I had a bad temper and became furious when I was a little bit of a small matter; it was the kind of thing I knew I had something wrong with me, but I just couldn't control myself.
My mother also saw it and said that I would go to work and change my mood; but I was really reluctant to part with my children at that time.
My mother said, Only when you take good care of yourself can you take good care of your children.
Therefore, I want to give this sentence to every mother who is struggling between work and family.
Only when you take good care of yourself can you take good care of your children. If you feel that work makes you feel good, don’t give up on your job; if you feel that work makes you breathless, returning to your family is also a good choice.
now has too high requirements for women, both to succeed in work and to have a happy family; but my mother is just an ordinary person, I hope we can be kinder to ourselves.
anytime, please put yourself first. Eat well, sleep well, take good care of your health, and live hard.
Image source/Jasmine
The above are 7 truths shared by Jasmine in her marriage life; for reference only.
When you reach age, you will get married. But when it comes to marriage, we all come from ignorance, and can only summarize experience from our parents and people around us, and learn how to manage our small family well.
3 Qian Zhongshu in " Besieged City " said:
" Marriage is a besieged city. People outside the city want to go in, and people in the city want to come out. "
But do you know?
Qian Zhongshu who wrote this sentence also said:
"Before meeting her, I never thought of getting married. I have been married for decades and never regretted marrying her."
I hope we can find the right person, and I hope we all voluntarily enter the siege of marriage.
Because only in this way can you have the courage to face the difficulties in life with him, otherwise all your energy will be exhausted in marriage.
OK. The above is Jasmine’s sharing today, about some of her understandings and feelings in marriage. I hope it can bring you a little inspiration.
Finally, I wish you a smooth sailing in your marriage life; if you can’t, then I wish you a ride the wind and waves!
Further reading:
2022 The last 100 days of self-discipline list | Live as you like
Copyable method of saving money | How did I save 300,000 yuan in one year?
author introduction: 【 Jasmine 】
33 Free writer
Focus on sharing "reading and writing"｜"Personal growth"｜"Self-disciplined daily life"
Occasionally come back to make money notes
Don't sell anxiety, I want to work hard for tomorrow with you~
Don't sell anxiety, I want to work hard for tomorrow~
