The reader wrote to me and said:
Before I met my husband, I had at least ten ex-boyfriends. At that time, I relied on my youthful, beautiful and wealthy family. As long as my boyfriend's attitude towards me was a little dissatisfied with me, I would immediately change the other person until I met my husband. I was willing to be a little woman who relied on him and paid for him. Even on rainy days, I would be willing to get wet in the rain downstairs just to see him. My friends all said I have changed, but I said that this is the power of love.
Because I like my husband, I had the urge to marry her. Unexpectedly, my parents-in-law looked down on me and said that I was an uneducated woman raised by a nouveau riche. My husband is from a middle-aged and his parents-in-law are both working-class people, with a small title of taking out, and he feels good about himself. Just as my husband was hesitating about this relationship, I was pregnant and I didn’t want to have an abortion. When the raw rice is cooked, my parents-in-law can't do anything to me.
After marriage, my husband and I moved out to live alone. We only felt that we had too little time together all day, so we couldn’t talk about marriage conflicts at all. During my confinement period, my in-laws went to my house to serve me. My in-laws disliked me and my in-laws, which led to my in-laws and my in-laws quarreling frequently. On several occasions, my in-laws left me and my children and returned to their home. Every time my husband persuaded me, my in-laws, and then they bit the bullet and lived under the same roof with me again. At that time, I didn't think there was anything wrong.
As the child grows up day by day, the parents-in-law simply brought the child to their homes for raising him. At this time, I realized that my husband and I hadn't shared a pillow for a long time. When I took the initiative to approach my husband, my husband told me seriously: He was feeling unwell recently. In a blink of an eye, the days without a couple have passed for three years.
Recently, I accidentally looked at my husband’s phone and found that he had cheated on him. Facing my questioning, my husband cried in front of me, and the more he cried, he became more and more fierce. At the same time, he began to criticize my various shortcomings. In fact, my husband did not frame me, and his list of my shortcomings was objective fact. I realized that I was a problem woman. I want to ask, what should I do to drive away the mistress and make my husband fall in love with me again?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Your in-laws once commented on you like this: Uneducated. In fact, uneducated is a serious denial of a person. Perhaps you are indeed uneducated, which makes you not feel that the three words uneducated are very important. If the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, men will naturally be able to hold the air. I think your attitude towards dealing with mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is similar to your previous ex-boyfriends. As long as you can't stand it, you will scold them without restraint. What you want to say is that your in-laws are your elders and your husband's biological parents, how can you do whatever you want? As you can imagine, you must be a very willful woman in life, and the result is: your husband can't stand your unreasonable trouble, so he can't love you anymore.
Since your husband no longer loves you, why didn’t he choose to divorce you? 1) Your husband and your in-laws think that divorce is a very embarrassing thing. Or your husband once revealed his idea of divorce to your in-laws, but his in-laws stopped him. Your in-laws may comfort your husband like this: she was spoiled since she was a child and was still young. In a few years, when your wife becomes sensible, your marriage will be happy. 2) Your husband feels sorry for your children and is unwilling to find a stepmother for your children. But your in-laws have no idea about your husband's cheating, otherwise your in-laws would definitely scold your husband half to death. Although your in-laws don't like you as their daughter-in-law very much, you will definitely not allow your husband to get into trouble.
Post-fraudulent period, your husband cried loudly in front of you: 1) Crying about his depression in his marriage life; 2) Crying about wanting to divorce you, but he doesn't want his in-laws to worry about your marriage. It means that your husband will not have a hasty divorce, but his tolerance is limited.Since you have decided to forgive your husband's cheating behavior and want to be a good wife, the advice I give you includes: 1) Learn to respect your in-laws and tolerate your in-laws in your future life. You will find that they are actually easy to get along with; 2) Learn to respect your husband in your future life, and occasionally show weakness in front of your husband, and he will gradually feel your goodness; 3) Put away your young lady's temper in your future life, and try to keep the fairness of your husband as much as possible, rather than frequently showing your domineeringness.
The truth you need to understand at all times: the reason why your husband chose to marry you was because of your wealthy family, but the most critical factor is that you are good to him and pursue him tightly. In fact, after you chased him, during the running-in process during the relationship, your husband already vaguely felt that being together may not be the best choice, so his relationship with you began to shake (including the factors that your in-laws were dissatisfied with you). However, when your husband was hesitant about this relationship, you became pregnant and you didn't want to have an abortion, which resulted in the marriage of your husband. If you chose to have an abortion at that time, your husband might choose to break up with you under the pressure of breaking up a couple in the in-laws.
Since you love your husband, you should treat him well and accept his family. Ask yourself: During the years you and your husband have lived together, have you lost your passion for him during your relationship? Most of the time, what you show in front of him is strength? Perhaps in the process of managing this relationship, you have relied on the wealth of your parents and made a lot of money on the material level, but while loving someone, you should also learn to respect it. At this moment, when faced with your husband's cheating, there are two realities in your heart: 1) I feel particularly wronged; 2) I don't want to divorce your husband. If you think carefully about your behavior at the level of marriage management over the years, you can summarize it in one sentence: it is thankless to do your best.
Perhaps, you have been growing up in an environment where people are accused and praised, but your husband is your legal lover after all, and he can't bear the life of you slapping him twice and giving him two sweet dates. What he needs is an emotionally stable wife and a relatively stable life. In your future life, don’t just drink to your husband by relying on your efforts on the material level. Please believe that when you make appropriate adjustments to your lifestyle, your husband will give you a feedback. Because for more traditional men, if their wives are not too strong, they are not willing to take the divorce step.
Postscript:
There is such a person in life who loves his legal lover especially. When encountering happy things and delicious food, he is willing to share it with his lover, but he has a fatal disadvantage: he never speaks his mind and cannot accept other members of his lover's family. In this case, your lover will hedge against your enthusiasm and your domineeringness, and ultimately form an effect of getting bored with you.
As an adult, you must learn to think after something happens. If your lover corrects your shortcomings, you need to fine-tune your daily behavior instead of continuing to do your own thing. You should know a cruel reality: after you accumulate disappointment, you will get the result of breaking up. To this end, we must cultivate ourselves in life to be someone we don’t hate.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
