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Readers’ private message: Wanwan, hello! I am 40 years old this year, so I am not as old as I am! The child is underage and both parents and in-laws need to be taken care of. My husband is still worried and cheated a year ago. I asked myself that I was quite a calm original wife, knowing that crying would be useless, and I kept communicating with him.
We opened our own factory. Due to the impact of the epidemic, the factory has poor efficiency and may close at any time, but I have one for the factory. There are two houses, one second-hand house, and the other new house has a relatively large area, and the names of our couple are written. I have a son who is in junior high school and is good at studying. We got married not too late, but we had children late, mainly because our husband was playful and not very mature, so we thought about having children for several years.
We have also discussed the reasons for her husband's cheating. He said that he does not really like mistresses, but likes to get along with her. He is more relaxed and free. He said he was tired of living with me and felt that it was 9 to 5, and I always took care of him, which made him feel uncomfortable and stressed.
I also want to be a gentle little woman, but there is no way. The whole family, including the factory, has to worry about me. I tried to let go and try to let my husband stand alone, but he couldn't handle it, so he finally begged me to come forward. I always feel that I have served four old men and raised two sons, and my husband is not as worry-free as ours.
The mistress is his college classmate. He had a crush on him when he was in school, but his husband didn't like him. Later, her husband got sick and found a doctor for her through my husband's relationship. After a while, I contacted her again.
My husband and I have analyzed the current situation. I said that divorce is OK, and I am willing to help him and the third party, but he has to think clearly about the consequences of the divorce. If the factory is divorced, the factory will definitely be closed. If it doesn’t close, half of the people will be unable to get along with each other. My son belongs to me and the big house belongs to me. As the party at fault for the marriage, he can get the small house and the car under his name. The deposit is half the money, and the parents take care of themselves. There are two children in the mistress. If he is with the mistress, he will be a stepfather and will have to bear the food, drink, defecation and urination of the mistress. Life may not be easy with me.
The reason why the mistress did not ask him is because she is still a mistress. Once I quit this threesome relationship, she will become a regular person and ask him as a girlfriend. She will no longer be so gentle and without desires. My husband is not stupid, you can understand the truth by thinking a little.
I gave him long enough for him to choose, and in the end he chose to return to his family and stay with me and the children, but he changed, becoming a lot of worries and absent-minded. I was also very sad when I looked at my husband who was not in love. On the one hand, I was unwilling to guard someone who didn’t love me. On the other hand, I was also worried that he would get back with his mistress. If he divorced, I was unwilling to accept it. I was in a dilemma and was particularly entangled.
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In fact, most wives have misunderstandings about their husbands, believing that they cannot live without a third party, because they have real feelings. In fact, men are just looking for extramarital supplements for marriage in extramarital affairs, just like you want to add some extra vitamins after eating three meals a day. He hopes to make up for the lack of things in the marriage through extramarital affair, or the feeling he lacks in getting along with his wife.
Some of the extramarital affairs are just "true love" rather than "true love". Most men's purpose of having extramarital affair is to go three people, that is, the red flags at home do not fall, and the colorful flags flutter outside. His ultimate goal is not to divorce, not to let a third party replace his wife, and he does not want to divorce.
After returning to the family, men will show obvious "heartbreak" state, such as listlessness, sighing, absent-minded, and standing from the wife's perspective, they will feel that their husband's person is not there and their heart is not there. Instead of guessing his psychology, your wife might as well have a good chat with him, express your views and concerns about his emotions, affirm the significance of his return to the entire family, encourage and accompany him to gradually recover, and devote himself to marriage and family again.
Some wives will say that it is him who made the mistake, so why do you want me to be tolerant? Who has seen the pain and torture I endured again? The reason is right, the mentality is wrong. You want to completely regain the cheating person, heal himself and help him get out of the emotional dilemma with the mistress, and rebuild the relationship between husband and wife are all things you have to do.
A man will not return by himself. He will only hesitate and wander around. If you don’t try hard, the other person will try hard and will pull him back again.
Ninety-nine percent of men will have connections or contacts with each other when they return to their family. Even if the contact is broken, the thoughts are still there. As long as a third party hooks up, the man will rekindle with her. What you have to do is not just let him return, not just end the relationship, but you also have to cut off his thoughts of continuing to cheat.
When confirming that he really wanted to return to his family, he clearly asked him to further break off contact with the third party and repair the relationship with him. You can temporarily let go of your family, the elderly and children, and get along with him as a lover. You must also guide him and let him shoulder the responsibilities of being a Son, a Husband and a Father. When his mind is tied to his family, he will not have the time to take care of the idle person outside. You have to let him find his place and presence in this family.
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The best way to love a person is not to raise him as a baby, but to raise yourself as a baby. He doesn't need you to shelter him from the wind and rain, but he needs you to polish him into the person who can shelter you from the wind and rain. The reason is simple, but few can be done. I hope that all female friends can recognize that men do not need an all-round, invincible wife, but a wife who makes him feel existential, needs-oriented, and can be beautiful alone.
original article, reprint is not allowed! The statements in the article are all personal insights and are for reference only! Finally, I hope everyone can have their own happy family and find the person who is willing to make progress with you and grow old together!
