The reader's letter said:
There are some truth and hypocrisy in this world, just like the heart of the human being, and it will never be seen through. After I witnessed the scene of my wife flirting with other men, I filed for divorce. The reason is very simple: I can't accept my wife's relationship with other men. My wife’s explanation for this matter is: they are all acts in the workplace.
I am a staff member and my wife is in a small business. My working environment is relatively simple (without the idea of a workplace promotion). In fact, I also know that it is not easy for my wife to make money. Perhaps, her flirting with some people is indeed a show-off, but after I see it, my emotions will instinctively decline.
At present, my wife and I are still in a cold war. The main reason is: my wife is unwilling to divorce me.
My wife and I are high school classmates and lovers. After graduating from high school, my wife began to get involved in society, and I continued to go to college. During this period, my wife had cuckolded me, and in the end, I chose to forgive me because my wife begged me with tears in her nose. Perhaps because of this, coupled with the flirting with the opposite sex, I no longer have any trust in my wife. So, the idea about divorce in my mind is very strong now.
In fact, I have definitely had feelings for my wife for years, and I am a person with more traditional thoughts: after falling in love with someone, even if another opposite sex talks with me, I will not pay attention to it; I will think that ensuring loyalty to marriage is the minimum standard for a person to be a person; I have children between my wife and I, and we have made a lot of contributions in this relationship, which means that I will actually hesitate when facing the divorce result. The key is that I can't forget my wife's neglect of marriage and relationship in the past. At present, we are stalemate in ignorance, and I think this is not a solution.
want to ask: What would you do if this happened to you?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
First make a point: there is no if in the world, only results. So, don't assume this thing about me. Each of us has our own ideas and different opinions on the same thing. In addition, I just suggest, not order, about the replies from letters from many readers. Next, I will give my advice: divorce. A key point: You no longer have trust in your wife. Once a irreparable rift arises between husband and wife, it is actually a very terrifying thing. It is difficult to do business, and women will become rich if they become bad, haha. Adults must not easily cross the line. If they cross the line, they should bear the consequences they should have. A sense of security and trust are created and fulfilled by each other. At all times, we must firmly adhere to the bottom line that people should have.
Another detail: When your wife was in the society, you were in school. During school, some girls may have confessed their love to you, but if you choose to refuse, you will feel that it is shameless to have an ambiguous relationship with other girls without hiding it, but during this period, your wife cuckolded you; after you started working, it is not ruled out that some girls have confessed their love to you, but you still chose to refuse without hesitation, but your wife kept flirting with many opposite sexes in the process of doing business. What I want to say is that even if business belongs to the service industry, just show the enthusiasm you should have. There is no need to be like this, right? Therefore, regarding your wife's daily life, I don't think it's a show, but a specific manifestation of her indecisive private life.
People often have this attitude in life: what kind of person they hope their lover can become, first of all, they will demand themselves with their corresponding words and deeds. It’s like: Over the years, you have been keeping a clean body in the emotional field. In fact, you hope that your wife can become the same person as you; for example: Some people especially don’t like to owe favors in life, so when someone gives them some benefits, they will promptly give back to the other party’s favors. The purpose of this is actually to convey to those who have dealing with him, and try not to owe favors to him.Regarding life, everyone has points that they value more. When the elements they value more are violated by people around them more than once, they will appear very angry.
Judging the direction of your marriage with your wife from your current emotional state: In fact, you really want to face the result of the divorce, but when you think calmly, you feel that there are many ties in your marriage life, and the result is caused. When you really have to face the divorce, you are still a little confused, but you cannot agree with your wife's daily behavior. Therefore, the judgment on the direction of your marriage will most likely be like this: after torture each other for a period of time, you will become less and less happy and eventually become determined to divorce. The relationship between people is actually quite fragile: when a person is completely denied from the bottom of his bones, it is difficult for this person to continue to love. This means that during the period when you are unwilling to divorce, it is just a delay in the divorce.
The magic of marriage is that there is a child bond between each other. If there is no child bond, I believe the divorce rate will be much higher. The reason why people feel that their marriage life is unhappy after getting married is nothing more than the following points:
1) They are very dissatisfied with their lovers in terms of diet, in terms of dealing with others and making money, but these things happen frequently in life. At this time, I also know that changing my lover to someone similar to me is unfair to my lover, but what happens every day will invisibly accumulate dissatisfaction for myself, so I often feel that my marriage life is unhappy.
2) When we got married, the status of the two people and the status of the two people after marriage may change. In addition, as people get older, they may also change their appreciation for their partner, so that after their lover becomes fat or thinner, they will feel awkward, or after being with their lover for a long time, they will feel that there is no attraction between the two people, which will weaken the magnetic field of love.
3) It is not ruled out that some people only meet the opposite sex who are more satisfied after getting married. It is just because of the involvement of marriage that they cannot show mercy outside of marriage. However, it is not ruled out that there is such a possibility, because there is another person in his heart, and invisibly he gives his lover a more indifferent attitude.
Postscript:
In theory, everyone should have a cleanliness in the field of emotions, which stems from the characteristics that emotions should have: uniqueness and possessiveness. But many times, when the people in the siege do something to betray their lover, they do not want to see the result of their divorce due to factors such as children. Therefore, we kindly advise those loyal parties to the marriage to give the parties who betray their marriage a chance to correct their mistakes. But we also need to understand clearly: not all sorry can be exchanged for lovers.
If your betrayal of marriage leads to your lover to file a divorce with you and your attitude towards divorce is very firm, even if you are unwilling to divorce, you need to accept the reality of divorce, because your betrayal of marriage is the cause, which is the result of your lover's divorce. I believe many people know that it is wrong to get involved in extramarital affairs, but some people are still willing to try it. Since that is the case, they need to pay for their actions.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
