My marriage between two people, like-mindedness is the most important thing. If even ordinary communication and spiritual aspects cannot reach an agreement, then this marriage is destined to be extremely difficult.
I thought of an emotional mediation program I saw before, so I will review it here to share it with you.
The husband has not worked for seven years, his wife works in the supermarket for two thousand per month
Xiaoyan, a woman working in a supermarket with a monthly income of about 2,000 yuan. She found the mediator and said that she could no longer continue living with her husband Xiaofeng, because This kind of life made her feel suffocated.
The mediator was surprised after learning the truth, because Xiaoyan was in her 30s and her husband was a few years older than her. She had a big house to live in, and she had a son and a daughter. She made up a good word, which was also in the eyes of others. A happy couple has a good life, so why can’t they survive?
Xiaoyan said that the fundamental reason is that her husband does not work at home this year. She is a woman who takes over everything with more than 2,000 yuan from working in the supermarket. She said that it was really tiring to continue like this. She had to deal with this alone and felt desperate about life, so she resolutely filed for divorce, and her husband had no intention of looking for a job.
I really feel sad for Xiaoyan when I see this. After all, relying on a woman to both care about the outside and the inside is really too hard. It is really better not to have such an incredible husband!
The truth is shocking, it turns out that it is not short of money
So, the mediator found Xiaoyan's husband Xiaofeng with a resentment and a mentality of not worthwhile for Xiaoyan. Unexpectedly, he communicated with Xiaofeng. , this style has completely changed.
Xiaofeng also admitted that he really has no job and has no intention of looking for a job. He has been staying at home for many years, either because of something or because his family is not short of money at all. So why should he work if he has the confidence? Intersection
When the mediator asked him carefully how much money he had, he didn't hide it at all. Because his family was demolished a few years ago, there was still some amount of money left in Xiaoyan. In her hands, Xiaoyan should actually feel safe, and I don’t know why she is still so anxious. Xiaofeng didn't reveal how much, but it was probably eight digits . Yes, you read that right, that's about 10 or 20 million. No, I don’t want to work anymore with such a sum of money, and I can understand Xiaofeng completely.
And Xiaofeng also said that there is a reason why he doesn't go to work. On the one hand, it is also to better educate his two children. He doesn't want his children to follow his old path. Because if he goes to work, the child can only be handed over to his mother. His mother has a strong personality and has been oppressed by his mother since childhood. He does not like to study medicine, which makes him very disgusted with the work in the hospital. So I feel more at ease with my own children.
The second aspect is that it’s not short of money anyway. Besides, my wife Xiaoyan doesn’t care about the children at all, and she doesn’t even wear children’s clothes. My wife often uses the excuse of being busy at work and doesn’t care about anything. Xiaofeng also does the hygiene at home, so this is understandable to him, just like those full-time mothers. Don’t think they have a lot of time. In fact, they have to take care of two children, even if they go to school, they still have a mess of homes that need cooking. Nothing easier than going to work.
And the mediator also found that Xiaofeng did not do nothing at home. He likes to study circuit board electrical and programming. He already has a set of research ideas and has also taught himself Japanese, etc., so he can be said to be a self-study expert. People with such skills will definitely have a foothold if they return to the workplace in the future.
For the sake of the two common children, under the mediator's hard work, the two of them made up temporarily and gave each other a hug. However, behind this hug, there is actually a complete inconsistency in values. I don't know how to continue in the future Essence
Values are inconsistent, how far can marriage go?
In fact, it is normal for couples to have a small fight. The necessary running-in and disputes are also a necessary process in marriage. However, if the values are always inconsistent, the irreconcilable contradictions will harm both parties.
In fact, if Xiaoyan and Xiaofeng couples here have their own positions from the perspective of individuals, there is not no understanding. The essential reason for the contradiction lies in the complete inconsistency of values, and it is also very tiring to continue such a marriage.
So if they have to continue, what are some suggestions?
First, learn to think from the perspective of others .
If you are too persistent in your marriage, it means that the other party does not like to eat porridge, and if you insist on letting the other party eat porridge, it will naturally cause the other party to be dissatisfied. Marriage is not 1+1=2, but (1-0.5)+ (1-0.5)=1. Just like Xiaofeng's current state, Xiaoyan can also try to understand him from his perspective. After all, Xiaofeng has taken care of the housework and taken care of the children, and in fact he has paid a lot for this family. If it were other female compatriots, they would definitely admire her.
both are taking a step back.
If the ideas are inconsistent, there is no need to have to be on the same channel as you. Learn to take a step back. It is important to seek common ground while reserving differences.
The third is tolerance and patience.
People are not two identical leaves, so you must learn to be tolerant when necessary. This is not admitting defeat, but a manifestation of love. Only by calming yourself and the other person down can you face the conflict better , reconcile the contradictions and continue moving forward together.
Fourth, communicate more.
No matter what happens in life, you must learn to communicate with the other person. As a person who has been with you for a lifetime, if you can give the other person respect, the other person will definitely give you the same respect. Moreover, communication is the first step to opening up the gap between the two parties. If you don’t understand why she is angry? So how to deal with deep-seated contradictions?
Tea has the taste of tea, and coffee has the aroma of coffee, so there is no need to drink the same thing. The same is true for marriage. Don’t impose your ideas on the other party, don’t force your lifestyle to merge with the other party, cherish it as much as possible !
