文丨饭饭妈
When I went to a friend’s house a few days ago, as soon as I walked in, I saw her child kneeling in the middle of the living room. His eyes were still wet, and he looked fresh. Educated by friends.
It's not good to see a child like this. I walked over and asked my friend, what is the matter with the child? When my friend saw me and asked her, she started to talk to me about the child.
It turned out that my friend was angry because her child was the last to last in the mock exam at the school.
My friend said that I was angry when I thought about it, but my friend later reflected on the reason why the child became this way. It may be caused by the fact that I am too relaxed about the child.
In order to let the children understand the importance of learning and the expectations of their parents for their children, their friends implemented strict education for their children. But is this really the case?
Will those children who are educated in this way become better? It may not be what we thought.
Seeing friends educating children in this way, I think of a sentence that everyone often talks about: "Strict father out of filial son, loving mother and more defeated children" . I believe that many people must know very well and believe in it.
In fact, many people no longer use this kind of education, and only a few people still insist on it, because this kind of education is prone to problems when re-educating children. Let’s understand its true meaning today.
01
Excerpts from Zhou Xitao's "Zheng Guangxian Wen": a strict father gives a filial son, a kind mother has many losers
(1) The source and explanation of "Strict father to filial son"
时周希陶 When he said this sentence, it was actually in a certain historical environment that he was from his home country and family. Discuss this excessive harshness and the results of loving kindness to warn everyone.
In fact, before this concept was put forward, some people have already done it, but there is no more systematic method.
If you like history, you must know Yue Fei. He is also very good, but in fact he also has a son named Yue Yun, who was able to lead some generals into battle when he was 12 years old.
Just imagine what the child in our family looks like when he is 12 years old? It may be playing games on a mobile phone, or it may be that he never learns every day, which is very different from fighting an enemy.
And some people think that the reason for the difference lies mainly in the rigorous nature of Yue Fei's own education, which makes his children better.
(2) Why do "love mothers often lose children"?
In ancient China, there was a person who was doted by his mother. Under such circumstances, his temperament would become more pampered.
Even if he meets other people, he has no thoughts of respect in his heart, but he fights with others, abuses others, and is defiant. As a mother, he has never taught him or even let him realize that this way is wrong. But blindly indulge him.
Later, because his own desire was too strong, he began to steal and bully others.
When he grew up, he became a cynic, arrogant and unreasonable person.
Finally, he was arrested and sentenced to death. Before he was dying, he asked his mother to come to him, and bit her mother’s ear when he leaned over to listen to him. , I must have heard this story!
However, when the child is dying, to her motherThe last sentence I said was "This is all your fault. When I was a kid, I didn't correct the mistakes I made, and blindly condoned. I didn't expect that now I have become like this. It is all your mistakes."
The mother shed tears, but the matter is irretrievable. From the incident, we can know "the truth that a kind mother often loses a child", so some parents want to avoid such mistakes when educating their children, so right The children are given strict education.
02
's misunderstanding of "Strict father gives filial piety, mothers do not understand 0d9ed"#
Many people simply think that loving mothers often lose children and that strict fathers give birth to filial sons is the real education program. In fact, this may be a misunderstanding.
- Kind mother = kindness? Do not!
According to the story we have learned above, in fact, the ancients thought that the so-called loving mother was excessive doting on the child, not considering the child’s personal development, but only concerned about the child’s personal desires.
This is like some parents in our current lives. Even if their children have problems, they are unwilling to correct them and want their children to develop freely.
Over time, the child becomes more spoiled, but this way of spoiling the child will only make the child more worthless.
Because the kind mother here means spoiling, and spoiling is also a possible situation for many mothers.
In real life, we can’t really think about it. The so-called loving mother will definitely “defeat the child”. If we think about the problem from the perspective of educating children, we will understand that treating children is not just spoiling children. , Spoil the child, but pay attention to the scale.
Believe that it will only make children more outstanding, rather than let them sink into such an environment and become even less promising.
- Strict father = fight? Do not!
In the minds of many parents, the so-called "strict father and filial son" is to discipline the children in daily life and let the children understand the strictness of the father.
Is this really the case? Obviously not, because many people will misunderstand it as "stick education".
If parents try to beat the child excessively, it will only make the child psychologically frustrated, without any benefit or effect on the child, and may even cause some bad effects and consequences.
Therefore, the strict father here is not to attack, but to give him guidance during the growth process of the child, so that he will not go on a crooked road. Once a decisive error occurs, you can help the child to help the child quickly correct it.
03
As parents, how should we correctly grasp "a strict father produces a filial son, a loving mother makes many losers"?
▶For the father:
①Make appropriate rules for the child
The father has always played the role of a "pillar" in the family. So in the process of getting along with the child, the father should consider giving the child certain suggestions to guide the child in the right direction.
After all, for children, most adults are more experienced. As the old saying goes, "Adults have eaten more salt than children have eaten, and they have to walk more than children. There are more roads traveled."
Therefore, what an adult speaks still has a certain reference significance, not to mention that parents are for the good of their children, and most of the directions given are for the good of their children.
When a child encounters a certain temptation in life, if there is a strict father to guide him, I believe it will help the child better.
For example, girls should know self-love after entering puberty. Parents should tell their children these things. If it is conveyed by the father, then this warning effect is even stronger.
So the so-called "strict" is not to encourage parents to beat and scold their children, but to let parents educate their children in the most suitable way.
②Punish when making mistakes
Strictness is seriousness and strictness in our thinking. In fact, this is also a wrong understanding. Seriousness is just about expressions and mood. The so-called true strictness is actually the bottom line for telling children.
After a child makes a mistake, he should point out the child's mistake in time instead of blindly shielding the child.
The most important thing is that this so-called ingredient allows children to grow up and even remember the father’s teachings, which is important for children.
▶For mothers:
①Love a child is not spoil a child
Li Jingrang in the Tang Dynasty had a very great mother named Zheng. After they were officially married, the husband left behind three sons. Under such circumstances, we can only use the word miserable to describe their lives, but even under such circumstances, Zheng did not consider continuing to marry others, but took care of his own children.
The children she has educated are very good, because in the process of education, she never indulges her children. When the children are disobedient, they will beat them as severely as their father.
Speaking of this kind of education like Zheng, everyone might think that she doesn't love children, but she doesn't. It's just that she expresses this love in another way instead of always encouraging together, or Excessive indulgence for children.
Zheng's education method has aroused our reverie. If parents understand the principle of "spoiling is not love is hurting", I believe they can educate their children better and more accomplished.
②Strictness will only make the child more unable to feel love
The child has been living with his parents since he was born, so in this way Under the circumstances, the parents are the people the children depend on most.
It’s just that sometimes when we really think about educating children, we show a relatively indifferent state, then the children will be a little uncomfortable.
In fact, this kind of deliberate indifference will make the parent-child relationship more unharmonious, and even when it comes to feelings, the child will feel insecure.
Over time, the sense of distance between parents and children will become more and more obvious, so there will be a gap between parents and children, and children may not feel that the true meaning of parents’ doing this is for the children. Love.
04
★Conclusion
Be sure to be clear when we grow up During the process, the role of parents is very obvious to the children.
If parents consider the true meaning of the phrase "a strict father gives a filial son, and a loving mother loses more children", they will consider the actual situation of their children and see if they meet this standard.
In the process of children's growth, parents must understand the meaning of their roles, give them a better experience, and educate them better.
Each parent is born as a parentIt is also through learning that they can become better parents. Every parent explores and sums up experiences in the path of parenting. Only by summing up experiences can they make their children better and better. As long as they have the heart to believe that parents can do it.
In addition, the current social era is different. The parenting experience of the older generation may not be completely suitable. Now children, parents can only obtain more parenting gains based on their own experience, rather than blindly obey others The argument.
Because every child’s "version" is different, some things are suitable for this child, but not necessarily for that child. Finding the most suitable for your child is the best for your child.
