There will always be a woman betrayed by her husband who asks me: He insists on divorcing me, saying that he wants to be with that third person, does he really love her?
Or, how do I know if there is true love between them?
In the end, they all revolve around the illusory concept of "true love".
Although they bluntly deny that there is no real relationship between a man and a third party, there is always a secret panic in their hearts: What if that woman is indeed his true love?
People say that true love is invincible. Then, no matter what I do, I can’t protect my marriage...
Just like when Xiao Lei found me for the first time, she behaved like this, yes The question of "true love" is full of questions and anxiety.
About a month ago, she discovered that her husband had cheated. The third party was a female subordinate. Their department was originally irrelevant. Once she went out to socialize with her boss, and she was at the wine table with Xiao Lei’s husband. After getting acquainted, somehow, they crossed the boundaries of normal communication and gradually developed into an extramarital affair.
Xiaolei's family is in a privileged family, and her husband is also a good one. The two strong alliances have kept her life safe and worry-free.
Before marriage, Xiaolei also found a relaxed position in the company of her parents and friends to pass the time. After having children, she quit her job and went home and concentrated on being a housewife to take care of the family. After all, their little family does not lack her. With this salary, my husband also thinks it’s better for his wife to take care of the children at home.
Because of the help of a babysitter, Xiao Lei has nothing to do at home. As time goes by, she can't help feeling that she has a very empty day.
She wanted to seek comfort from her husband, but the man who cared about her changed his previous attitude and became very indifferent and alienated, always impatient.
Xiaolei was so wronged at first, and she felt very puzzled in her heart. It was this abnormality that made her aware of .
Her husband didn’t like to exercise before, but recently he always mentioned that he wanted to keep fit and keep in good shape.Recently, she has become more and more picky about the clothes Xiao Lei bought for him, and she dislikes her aesthetic is not fashionable enough, too old-fashioned... Xiao Lei feels that something is wrong more and more, until one day, she accidentally finds it in the passenger seat of her husband's car. With a sweet hair rope, she confirmed her inner guess: her husband cheated!
Xiaolei was not in a hurry for the showdown. She wanted to know more information first, so she secretly asked others to help her investigate. Eventually she learned that the third party was a young female subordinate, and her appearance was not so outstanding. Like the superb "vix spirit" in the stereotype, it is said that the woman came to this city from a field to work hard, but she hasn't got a firm foothold, so she deliberately approached some wealthy goals.
She thought to herself that the purpose of this kind of woman is simple and should not be difficult to deal with. It is better to solve the external troubles first, and then deal with the internal affairs of the family.
So, she found a third party with her husband behind her back, threatened and lured privately, and told the woman that if she was willing to leave, she would receive some monetary compensation. Xiao Lei was also willing to keep this matter secret. Everyone looks good on face, but if she is ignorant, she will shake her scandal out, and she won't get a penny!
Xiaolei was full of self-confidence. She felt that this woman just wanted money, so she could just give her a little bit. Unexpectedly, the third party kept saying that there is true love between them, crying and saying sorry to Xiaolei. Please forgive her, while insisting on not accepting money.
Not only that, Xiao Lei’s husband also learned about this, and had a big fight with her, saying that she only knew money in her heart and didn’t love him at all. Her husband also threatened to divorce and said that she would get married with a third party. Together.
However, her husband also knows that the parents of both parties will not easily agree, and the two people are in a stalemate and make a big quarrel as soon as they meet.
In addition to being sad, Xiao Lei also has doubts in her heart: Everyone knows that cheating is immoral. Is there true love among cheating people?
No wonder she is so confused. For a long time, various fictional stories have praised the concept of "true love". People are always obsessed with the word like moths to the fire.
They would say that Liang Shanbo and wish Yingtai is true love,They become butterflies; 孟姜女 is true love to her husband, she actually cried down the Great Wall; Lucy and Jack are true love, he would rather sacrifice his life in exchange for her chance to survive...
A common misunderstanding is that true love is made in heaven and invincible.
But I want to tell you, "True Love" is not born, it can also be made artificially!
Because true love is not an objective thing that can be seen and heard by the naked eye, it is a subjective feeling of human beings, so it is easier to be manipulated.
A man feels that a woman is true love, not because the word "true love" is written on the woman's face, and plainly tells him that this person is your true love, but two people together create a "true love" between each other feel".
Is true love when a man wants to marry a third party? mistaken!
Think about it, he must have really wanted to enter the palace of marriage with his original partner at the beginning, and then he chose to get married with the original partner and give three golden gifts to get married. Naturally, there is true love between you.
Then why does he think that others are true love now?
This is because both husband and wife did not put energy into caring for each other's relationship, so this "feeling of love" faded over time.
Many people know that a complicated musical instrument such as the piano will lose its pitch if no one is played for a long time. Professionals are required to tune and maintain it; a car also needs regular annual inspections to ensure that it is normal Run without errors.
And the intimate relationship between two people is more delicate and detailed than these tools. It needs the people in the relationship to manage it. If you leave it alone, all kinds of problems will naturally arise.
So, how do third parties create this kind of "true love" and play with men in applause?
- True love is: I will admire and appreciate you
There is a saying,Beauty in the eyes of lovers is often used to tease a couple in love, which means that they will always see each other's strengths while ignoring the shortcomings in the eyes of others.
This phenomenon does not only exist in romantic relationships. For example, children always feel that their mothers are more beautiful than female celebrities, and their fathers are the most powerful and mighty men in the world. The same applies.
In psychology, this characteristic is called "positive illusion". Appropriately idealizing one's partner can help people maintain a good evaluation of their partner, and make people more receptive to their partner's occasional faults, thereby helping To improve the quality of intimate relationships.
Many people think that getting married is a process of removing each other's mystery. The food and drink of their partners are all in front of their own eyes. People who shine in their eyes when they are in love should become mediocre after they become old couples.
Just like the Xiaolei in the previous story, she was also attracted by her husband’s personality at the beginning, but she saw his shortcomings more in her eyes after marriage: the clothes she changed were littered, and she collapsed after work every day. I don’t accompany my children on the sofa, I am always impatient and sometimes lose everything... In the eyes of outsiders, her husband has a successful career and a bold personality, but in the eyes of Xiao Lei, she only feels that she is an ordinary person who is tired of seeing herself.
However, human nature just likes to be praised, whether it is sincere or not, so skillful flattering will always take effect.
Suppose, if in front of your husband, you are a haggard yellow-faced woman, but at this time there is another person who truly appreciates your intellectual and mature charm, who would you prefer to get along with? The answer speaks for itself.
It’s the same with a man.
Some third parties are not pretending, but really admiring seniors in the industry with successful careers, and some are pretending to be pretentious, but whether it is true or false, this appreciation and affection will create a kind of "I am true Love you as a person" atmosphere.
- The sense of true love is: You have to protect me and owe me
Many people mistakenly believe that,One's selfless dedication can be exchanged for true love, but it is wrong to think this way. Giving without asking for anything in return can also be exchanged for guilt. More often, it just cultivates the other person into a white-eyed wolf.
To give the simplest example, we rarely hear that the third person in the story attracts men by silent self-sacrifice. Instead, it is the pattern of the seduced man who constantly invests money or energy to coax them.
This is the use of people's mentality that it is difficult to give up the sunk cost of .
University of Minnesota 's neuroscience Dr. has done an interesting experiment. His team designed a maze for rats, in which food was placed in four places, but each area where food was placed was also set up with a "waiting area". The rats had to wait for a period of time before they were delicious. of.
experiment results show that the longer the mouse waits, the more it insists on its decision. Even small mice will be bound by the sunk cost effect of , which is an irresistible instinct for organisms.
Humans also have the same psychology. The more we invest and give to one person, the harder it is to leave the other person. We will also find various reasons for ourselves and tell ourselves that this is the manifestation of "true love".
On the other hand, as shown in many fictional stories, the more people oppose and criticize a relationship, the easier it is for people in the relationship to feel that they are "true love".
Because at this time, the illusion of "against the world" has also become a part of sunk costs, which will only make them more stubborn.
- The sense of true love is: we two are intimate, revealing our hearts
Many couples will tell me,After a few years of marriage, the two people feel that they are too familiar with each other. Looking at each other is like looking at a piece of furniture in a house. There is nothing to say.
They all feel that we are close enough, how can we get close?
The third party takes advantage of this negligence.
Maintaining intimacy is not a one-time thing. You spent a sweet time with your partner on Chinese Valentine's Day this year. You can't expect the atmosphere between the two to last until next year's Chinese Valentine's Day, right?
Everyone hopes that their partner's attention will always be on their own body, and they will pay attention to every bit of their life, just like women always expect men to find out that their lipstick has been replaced with a new color. This kind of psychology In fact, they are common.
Constantly revealing each other and communicating their feelings in the relationship can easily create the feeling of "I value you very much", and this feeling is also indispensable in "true love".
Especially in social culture, men are not encouraged to express their feelings. Everyone always feels that "men have tears and don’t flick them lightly." Men should not have moments of depression and decadence, so they need to release themselves in intimate relationships. One's own emotions are more likely to be vented into emotional connections, and a little carelessness will cross the boundaries allowed by morals.
If both husband and wife give up the maintenance of the relationship, they will give the third party an opportunity together!
Make full use of these three rules, no matter who it is, you can directly create the feeling of "true love".
Third parties and men are definitely not true love, but they must be very good at creating "true love"!
Of course, don’t be discouraged because of this. This is not their unique trick. As long as you master the know-how, you can easily learn this trick. There is a deep relationship between the original partner and the man, as long as you understand the business relationship. The secret of this, you are standing on the shoulders of giants, how can you fear the false "true love" of a third party?
Let’s go back to Xiaolei’s story. After dispelling her doubts about “true love”, she really found out the flaws of the third party.It's just an illusion that is concealed above greed.
In the process of improving the quality of intimacy and rebuilding trust, she also regained the feeling of being in love and completely resolved the disputes in the family.
Women don't have to be afraid of the so-called "true love", it is not as powerful as you think. As long as you understand the principle, this illusion will be vulnerable.
Knowing how to manage love can best protect love.
Well, we are Chen Man Emotion, a heart-warming organization that hopes to help people solve emotional problems-remember to follow us! If you want to talk, please [private message] me, we will listen to your story and solve your worries.
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