pubertal children are rebellious and have a changeable mood. Instead of directly collide with him, it is better to cook more and talk less, and accompany him through this important stage with understanding and tolerance.
Author | Tomato Mom
The speaker of the Hundred Schools Forum Zhao Yuping told a story around her:
One day, a friend of mother suddenly called him and came up and cried:
"Teacher Zhao, you can't live this day!"
It turned out that one day she was cleaning at home and saw her son doing homework pouring water from the room to the living room. She asked a very ordinary word:
"Have you finished your homework?"
Unexpectedly, my son immediately exploded when he heard it:
"Ask, what questions are you asking, I will ask all day long! If you ask me again, I won't write anymore, please don't care about me!"
After he finished speaking, he went back to the house and closed the door with a "bang".
This mother was stunned for a moment. She couldn't figure it out, so she asked casually, why was her son so angry?
The next day, Zhao Yuping talked to the boy, and the boy complained to him:
"Since I was in the third year of junior high school, my parents have been particularly worried about his study, but I can't understand his homework, so I started to urge progress every day, let him hurry up and write quickly."
But every time I asked him if he had finished writing homework, when he answered, my mother started nagging:
"I'm still dazed on the sofa after I finished writing? I haven't seized the time to do exercises and recite the list. Word!
It’s just a breaking attitude of learning, every time it pushes and pushes, your father and I work hard to make money outside, you are this kind of virtue, who do you deserve? "
But if he didn’t finish the answer, his mother started to blame again:
"I haven’t finished writing, and I haven’t finished writing yet, so why don’t I hurry up and write? Just this breaking attitude of learning, who do you deserve? "
So, it seems that it’s just an ordinary greeting from my mother.
In fact, under her long-term preaching and nagging, the boy's emotions became more and more anxious, like a fragile and tense string that would break when touched.
I remembered that there were many mothers in the background who left messages saying that they had a very tense relationship with adolescent children and often quarreled, and no one gave in, which was really a headache.
In fact, this is because parents ignore one thing - when the child reaches adolescence, your education method should be changed.
Adolescent children are like a gunpowder package
flammable and explosive
000There is such a plot in the popular "Big Test" a while ago.
Son Wu Jiajun likes animation and two-dimensionality and wants to take the art exam.
But mother Dong Bihua firmly disagreed and resigned deliberately and stared at her son at home just to sprint to a prestigious school.
Once, Wu Jiajun secretly drew his entries while his mother was asleep, but unexpectedly he was caught by his awakened mother.
Mom was furious and mercilessly ruined the entries that had taken care of their son for several months.
Wu Jiajun could not bear it anymore and finally broke out:
"Are you sick?"
"You are so vicious, you are not even as good as your stepmother!"
"I'll get far away from the exam in the future, and I won't see you again. I'm leaving this home!"
Dong Bihua was furious and slapped his son hard.
And Wu Jiajun was not willing to be outdone and ran away from home in anger.
I believe this scene looks very familiar to many parents with adolescent children in the family.
Since the child enters puberty, the atmosphere between parents and children has become increasingly tense.
It turns out that the gentle and obedient good baby is gone, and replaced by a sensitive and rebellious little hedgehog.
After a disagreement, he began to contradict his parents, yelled, and even ran away from home.
Child psychologist Winnicott once said:
"I planted a little baby, but I harvested a bomb."
This bomb refers to adolescence.
How many parents are tortured by children who are difficult to rebellion and are exhausted and miserable.
In fact, this is because adolescent children often have two characteristics due to changes in their brains and hormones:
1 is that is responsible for executing the control center's prefrontal cortex is incomplete and prone to impulsiveness;
2nd is that has a strong sense of self.
This leads to the fact that when they have an opposition to their parents, they will be more irritable and emotional.
In February this year, a 14-year-old boy in Hangzhou ran away from home after arguing with his family over trivial matters and actually lived in a culvert for two days. If the police hadn't found him in time, the consequences would be unimaginable;
In August, Qingdao A 16-year-old girl was going to take the train to Changzhou Seeing a strange male netizen, her parents disagreed, so she blocked her parents in anger and secretly set off. Fortunately, she was picked up by the police...
I have to say that adolescent children are like a gunpowder pack, flammable and explosive.
And if your parents are not careful, it is easy to cause tragedy.
All educational methods will fail when they reach adolescence
It is said that puberty children are rebellious, irritable, and difficult to manage.
However, what makes parents feel even more frustrated is that beating, stinging, losing their temper, and reasoning... These methods that once made children surrender are all invalid when they are puberty.
Children become like an old cow.
There is a boy Zheng Zihao in "The Metamorphosis" who especially likes to play computer games.
The lawyer's father couldn't stand it. Whenever he had the chance, he would talk incessantly instill various principles in him:
"Do you know that playing games is wrong?"
"You play games like this It is addictive, just like smoking opium, it is losing its ambition. "
"You want to do your study, only after you have done your study can you do something entertainment."
And Zheng Zihao is like turning on the automatic blocking mode, turning a blind eye to his father's principles, and becoming more addicted to games.
Teacher Wu Zhihong has a good saying:
The most ineffective effort in the world is to reason with your children with heart and soul. The more you tell the truth, the more disgusting the children. The sentence
is particularly applicable to adolescent children.
Children enter puberty and begin to have their own reasons, opinions, cognition and behavioral standards.
If parents are still like condescending "adults" all day long, talking to their children constantly, always trying to impose their ideas on their children.
will only make the child feel offended, suppressed, and become more rebellious and difficult to deal with.
I remembered a father who had asked for help online:
My second-year junior high school son often hid in bed and played with his mobile phone, so he often went to catch him in the middle of the night. Every time he grabbed his son's mobile phone, he began to reason with his son:
"Didn't I tell you? Your current one The task is to learn!
Only after you have done your studies can you be qualified to play with your phone, and you will be free if you are self-disciplined..."
Every time the son looks at his father impatiently, then he covers his head with the quilt, and doesn't listen to his father finishing his words.
At this time, the father lifted his son's quilt and continued to instill the truth.
Before, my son could listen and say a few perfunctory words, but this time my son got angry:
"Is it over? Why should I listen to you?"
The father was stunned and walked out of the room cursing.
The next day, the son simply stopped studying and began to have a cold war with his father.
This father couldn't understand why he clearly used a very gentle education method and did not have violent discipline, but why did he "more the more he manages, the more he becomes, the more he is?
is because, in adolescence, children have a stronger concept of "me" and are eager for independence and freedom.
If parents still repeatedly nag and accuse them, the children's long-standing emotions will explode even more.
So, if the child reaches puberty and you still give orders to the child frequently as before, expecting him to develop according to your ideas, then the child will only use rebellious behavior to say "no" to you.
Parents learn this trick
Children go through adolescence smoothly
Then are we really helpless when facing children who rebelled during adolescence?
is not the case.
Tsinghua Principal Wang Dianjun once proposed a solution in his speech -
Parents should "cook more and talk less".
means that when a child enters adolescence, what parents need to do is to avoid head-on conflicts with the child, cook more, cook better, and talk less.
If you have any problems, please ask the teacher and his classmates instead of trying to change the child.
Author @Mingqian Cha , once told a story about "cutting the lacquer and teaching the children".
lacquer people Lao Zheng's son has been disgusted with school since he entered high school. Everyone thought Lao Zheng would beat his son, but who would have thought he promised his son:
"If you can be a paint cutter for me for a month, it would be fine if you don't read the remaining books."
After hearing this, the son immediately agreed and jumped out of the bed to grind the paint cutter.
Wife Zheng Sao was worried and quietly complained to Lao Zheng that he brought the children to the wild.
But Lao Zheng said calmly: "The child is about to be in his third year of high school. He plays games so badly that he is in a black and white way. If he can survive with me, he will be considered an adult."
The next day, the two of them went into the mountain to cut the paint at 4:30 in the morning. As a result, the son was so tired that he was sore all over.
That night, when he went home, he found that his mother had prepared a table of delicious food waiting for him early, and did not say a single word.
Facing this table of food with all colors, fragrance and flavor, my son couldn't help but feel hot.
From then on, my son took his textbook that he once regarded as a enemy and decided to return to the classroom to study hard.
A few years later, my son successfully got into college and found a good job, and took the old couple to live in the city.
Old Zheng and his wife are undoubtedly wise.
When adolescent sons rebelled and hated school, they did not use their parents' authority to coerce their children, but took a step back and fought with their children in a way that soft and hard way, resolving the confusion on their children's growth.
So, don’t underestimate the six words “cook more and talk less”. The profound meaning behind it is very worth learning from by parents.
- Cooking more represents silent love, warmth and dedication for children.
In an article by writer Liu Xiaonian, the father and his adolescence son had a big fight. After hearing this, the old man educated his son:
Being a father, he only has two words for his son, one is love and the other is enduring;
No matter whether the son is lovely or not, the more he is not lovable, the more he must be unswerving, without asking for rewards, and love silently.
Children who grew up in love will sooner or later become reliable.
Adolescent children are awkward and sensitive, and what they desire most is the unconditional care of their parents.
is not because of "I love me because I study well", but because I hope to "let the other party be himself".
Only when the emotional barriers are broken and the children who are loved can their hearts soften and be willing to open their hearts to their parents.
- Speak less means less nagging and preaching, giving children plenty of space and freedom.
Psychological therapist Li Zixun once said that if you have adolescent children at home, parents should "not ask for help, and respond to whatever you want."
Adolescent children are independent and have their own ideas. If parents blindly encroach on their children's boundaries and ignore their children's feelings, it will only stimulate their children's rebellious emotions.
Therefore, parents should put aside the authority's mentality, learn to avoid their sharpness, and appear in time when their children seek help.
Less nagging and accusing, and more respect and empathizing with can win the hearts of children that have evolved.
Educator Sukhomlinsky once said:
"In any educational phenomenon, the less children feel the intention of the educator, the greater the educational effect."
When you shut up, cook more, don't suppress, and don't escape, quietly protect the healthy growth of your children, home is the warmest harbor for your children, and parents are the objects that your children are most attached to.
Writer Maijia once said this:
"Pupils are a danger, you can go to heaven or into the ground, it can be a knife or a flower.
As elders, we have only one choice to help him become a flower and smooth the tough place.
Help him through the most shaky and time bomb stage. "
Adolescent is a test and transformation that parents and children experience together.
sincerely wishes all parents to calm down and stand firmly behind their children.
is silence appropriately, give with your heart, wait patiently, accompany him through important periods in his life, and move towards a braver and more determined tomorrow together.
Finally, I would like to give it to all parents who are playing against their adolescent children in a word I like:
I love you
If there is a road ahead that I once fell beyond recognition
But you insist on going to
I hope my way of loving you is not to hold you down, telling you that you can't go to
I hope the way I love you is not to hold you up, tell you that you can't go to ml3 But prepare the most durable shoes for you prepare umbrella tell you that the second intersection is very slippery There is a thief in the fifth street Go to Go back to have a meal at home
Go back
