Parents are anxious that their children "fish" in class and children can't stand the nagging and accusations of parents' nagging and accusing of the parent-child war breaking out in minutes
It's raining. During the epidemic, online learning is a major challenge for students, parents and teachers, and it also tests parents, especially dual-working families. While you have to be busy with your work, you also have to take care of your children's safety at home and online courses, which will inevitably lead to helplessness and irritability.
In order to help parents provide family education for their children at home, the Shenzhen Institute of Educational Sciences and the Shenzhen Mental Health Education Guidance Center have given the following "little tips": Understand and accept children's The psychological motivation behind the insight Home online classes can protect the safety of teachers and students during the epidemic without interrupting children's learning. It is an inevitable choice during special periods.
But to take online classes efficiently and manage your own study, entertainment, and life routines well, it is very difficult for children who are still developing their learning driving force, improving their concentration and self-management ability, and it is very easy to expose problems. Just as parents often worry, such as getting up at the right time, learning while eating, playing with computers whenever they want, doing homework, etc. During the online class of children, these "incidental" behaviors that appear repeatedly and are difficult to change constantly stimulate the parents' nerves, making it difficult for parents to tolerate their children and their patience is consumed. Therefore, they often criticize and criticize their children in a reflexive manner, and cannot be gentle and tempted.
However, preaching, criticism and accusation will only arouse children's psychological defenses, such as denying their own mistakes, making excuses, self-blame, confrontation, etc. The negative emotions accompanied by such behaviors will reduce children's willingness to learn and hinder their motivation to change. Only encouragement, affirmation, and support can give children the power to change positively. Consciousness is the forerunner of behavior, and cognition is the determinant of emotions. Only by understanding and accepting children can we be patient with them. Before wise parents think about how to help their children, they will first understand why their children are like this:
1 Why do children just procrastinate? The most troublesome problem for parents during online classes must be that the child gets up, washes, goes to class, does homework, and sleeps. The child’s delays affects the learning status, reduces the learning effect, and also affects the daily routine. It disrupts the parents’ planning and arrangements, affects the parents’ work, and makes parents feel headaches and can’t help but bombard the children. However, procrastination is a problem that most teenagers must experience in their growth. Even adults, surveys show that 70% or 80% of people have different degrees of procrastination. On the one hand, children procrastinate, on the one hand, they are environmental problems, and they cannot stimulate their enthusiasm for learning without classroom atmosphere, and on the other hand, they are abilities, which are really impossible: The brains of primary and secondary school students are not yet mature, and the brain is generally basically mature at the age of 25. At present, children's emotional brain development should be earlier than the rational brain, and they will tend to do things more easily and pleasantly. When facing difficult and anxious things, the brain will give instructions to children to do it later or even directly avoid it. Therefore, the best way to help children fight procrastination is not to urge them, but to avoid negative emotions about what they want to do and stimulate their children to have positive emotions about what they want to do.
2 Why can’t children learn independently? The root cause of 's inability to learn independently is that it has no interest in learning and cannot activate the internal motivation for learning. However, every child is born with a strong interest in learning and is full of curiosity about this unknown world. For example, every little baby will not help but explore the world in ways such as listening, watching, touching, sucking, etc. This is the initial learning behavior of people. So, why do children gradually become less interested in learning? That is because in the anxiety of society, the "learning" is gradually tied to many things, such as the pressure of parents' excessive learning requirements for their children, the serious peer competition in the school, and the learned helplessness formed by the lack of guidance on learning setbacks in the long term.In the online class state, children are more likely to feel anxious about learning. In this state, parents' preaching and criticism can only make children find ways to do things perfunctorily. If you want to help children improve their autonomy, you must first find ways to stimulate their children's internal motivation to learn.
3 Why are children susceptible to interference? : Being susceptible to interference is a headache for both children and parents during online classes, which greatly affects learning efficiency. It is related to concentration ability. If you don’t have strong concentration ability, you will be easily disturbed. Children are easily disturbed, which may be because: (1) Focus is an ability, which is related to age and growth experience, and is also affected by genetic inheritance. For example, some children are born with strong concentration. If parents find that they are not focused, please do not over-requir that their children can be tempted at a young age. Parents should not be too anxious and accept that children grow up slowly. (2) Focus is also affected by the environment. Like memory, it can be damaged and improved through training. If you are in an interfering environment for a long time, your child's concentration will easily be destroyed. Children are very susceptible to objective environment interference during online classes, and their brains are stimulated from all sides, such as unclean and noisy learning environment, parents frequently remind and monitor their children when they do homework in class, and parents often quarrel... Therefore, if you want to help children not be disturbed, you should spend time and energy to evaluate their children's concentration level, consciously and scientifically cultivate their children's concentration, and help them create a good atmosphere of focusing on learning and work.
4 Why do children easily become addicted to the Internet? During the online class at , the monotonous and repetitive life makes the children's vigorous energy unable to be resolved. The fundamental reason why children are addicted to the Internet is that they lack interesting healthy entertainment methods, so they lack happy energy. Restless children are more likely to make psychological compensation by playing, watching videos, and chatting on the Internet. Humans are relationship animals. Lack of relationship connections will make people lack the sense of reality of life, create a sense of meaninglessness in life, and then choose bad addiction to numb yourself. If the child is seriously addicted to the Internet, it is very likely that there is a problem with the child's social support system, such as the problem with the parent-child relationship and peer relationship, which makes the child feel lonely, empty and difficult, and has no support, and can only devote his emotions to the virtual world. Therefore, if you want to help your children use the Internet reasonably, you will not be tempted by other information on the Internet during online classes. You need to help your children establish a normal, orderly, healthy and interesting study life, have the care and care of relatives and friends, and truly develop a love for real life. Patiently and continuously give wisdom to help When you clearly understand that the children’s problems are not because the children are lazy but really cannot do it, and understand the psychological reasons behind the children’s behavior, parents can withstand 80% of their anxiety, so that they can continue to mobilize their wisdom to help their children patiently, instead of changing their children through simple and crude methods such as urging, criticizing, beating and scolding, so that children can take online classes efficiently and avoid parent-child conflicts. If you want to promote your child’s self-change, the most important thing is to continuously and sincerely encourage, affirm and support your child without perfunctory. Of course, in addition to this, we also need to give our children real help: 1 helps children relieve procrastination (1) Help children reduce negative emotions for things that are procrastinating, such as avoiding negative thoughts such as "I can't do it", "It's difficult", "I will be criticized if I don't do it well", this requires parents to criticize and urge them when tutoring their children to do their homework. When the children's learning tasks are very heavy and have no idea to start, help children divide the tasks into big and small goals, start from simple and easy, start from the subjects they are interested in and advance slowly. (2) You can try to give examples and use news events to let children intuitively understand procrastination and its consequences. For example, in order to let children understand the harm of procrastination, they can use vivid scientific knowledge, use news examples of staying up late to cause brain damage , and even take their children to the hospital to teach them by doctors. (3) If the above methods are ineffective, it is very likely that the child can solve the problem even if he procrastinates, and will not cause serious consequences. It is just that the parents are overly anxious.In this case, parents need to relax and wait with the attitude of leading a snail to take a walk, so that children can experience delays during the experience and make changes independently.
2 Help children learn (1) Avoid overly ideal expectations for children. Many parents hope that their children can spend all their time studying at home, actively learn and be highly focused, which is obviously unlikely. Parents can first think from their perspective and adjust their expectations for their children to a more reasonable range to avoid excessive pressure on their children. (2) Understand the current academic level of children, and help the children set goals that meet the level with subject teachers, so as to avoid children's self-demands and finally have a strong sense of frustration due to their ability to achieve their goals and thus develop aversion to learning; (3) Help children have more successful experiences in other aspects during online classes at home, such as interests, hobbies, labor and housework, cooking skills, etc. Give children a happy experience and a sense of accomplishment to improve their self-confidence, which can also be transferred to learning and stimulate their interest in learning. Therefore, parents should communicate more with their children during online classes, strengthen their children's good work in some aspects, so that their children can feel that their progress can be seen, recognized by their parents, and feel that they are capable and valuable. If they want to become a better person, they are willing to work hard in learning and mobilize their enthusiasm for learning.
3 Help children improve their concentration (1) Parents can discuss and arrange suitable learning places at home with their children. Secondly, parents also need to cultivate themselves well, not play mahjong, sing, watch TV when their children are studying, but do not pay too much attention to their children's studies and stare at their children. Make it easier for children to concentrate on their studies. (2) There are many puzzle games to improve concentration on the Internet. Parents can actively find relevant resources to cultivate their children's concentration through games. In addition, they can also increase activities that parents and children participate in to enhance emotional links during home stays. (3) Children aged 7-10, 10-12 and after 12 years are at 15-20 minutes, 25-30 minutes and above, respectively. If the child's concentration is obviously not up to the level that should be at the age, he should take the child to the hospital for examination in time instead of just blaming the child.
(Hold on, his brain is not developing well yet) 4 helps children avoid being addicted to the Internet As online classes are launched, children have more opportunities to take advantage of the Internet. Most parents are more anxious about their children's addiction to the Internet, and they can't help but regard the use of the Internet as a "flood". However, the Internet has become an indispensable tool in our lives, especially during online classes, which is almost impossible to fully control children's use of the Internet through a one-size-fits-all approach, and is not conducive to children's connection with the outside world. And a one-size-fits-all approach to fully control the network will also inspire parent-child conflicts. Therefore, parents need to learn to let go of their obsessions, allow "network problems" to exist, and then cross them, so as to help their children invest more efficiently in healthy study and life. Parents can try this way: (1) Accompany their children to strengthen home activities. The best way to prevent children from being addicted to garbage entertainment is to help children have rich life experiences and healthy interests, especially in the boring home life. Therefore, parents need to encourage their children to exercise reasonably every day, accompany their children to do some home-child activities such as cooking together, making puzzle games, walking and chatting, and encouraging their children to adhere to at least one hobby such as music, painting, etc. (2) Jointly negotiate the use time of mobile network and strictly manage it. Network control of teenagers cannot go to two extremes, and they cannot be one-size-fits-all, nor can they be left alone. You can combine the time when students use the Internet in the class and the teachers' suggestions, and negotiate the time when using the Internet with your children. Parents should also set an example and not use the Internet too much. (3) Provide good parent-child support to children and help them establish good peer relationship support.Whether for children or adults, when a person's life needs are perceived, paid attention, understood, and satisfied, he can feel the meaning of life. He does not want to waste his life and will naturally not look for a sense of existence in the virtual world. Therefore, parents need to find opportunities to be alone with their children and chat in-depth with their children, especially topics that are not related to learning, or even just chatting with their children, understanding and satisfaction, can nourish their children. For teenagers, recognition and recognition from peers is also very important. We should help children establish normal interpersonal relationships, promptly guide children to interpersonal conflicts with their friends, and allow children to have time to chat with classmates and friends online every day. (4) Take your children for psychological counseling and psychological treatment in a timely manner. If the child is already highly addicted to the Internet, if his emotions are completely controlled by the Internet, he will be unable to use the Internet and will have a strong sense of pessimism, frustration and meaningless life; if he doesn't want to do anything except surfing the Internet, he has been reversing his work and rest due to network problems and cannot complete normal academic tasks, please do not compete with his children for the Internet, but take the child to the hospital for medical treatment or seek help from a psychological counselor in time.
If parents are confused during their children's home online classes, please actively communicate with the class teacher and the school psychology teacher. Source | Shenzhen Psychological and Family Education Guidance Center
