pictures are from the Internet. Infringement must be deleted.
The road to raising children is full of confusion and various choices and choices, but no matter what problems exist, our ultimate goal is to cultivate the child into an independent and excellent child.
But before raising children to be excellent, the process is inseparable from parents' careful teaching and correct guidance for their children.
After watching CCTV's popular drama "The Big Test", what made me feel the most is that the five parents in the play have different educational methods.
made me realize that these 5 things parents do to their children in the process of raising children will determine the future direction of their children’s life.
1.
birth but not raised, only focusing on making money
on TV Wenwen is a well-behaved, obedient and good child. When she was very young, her parents went to Wuhan to do business.
left the young Wenwen to grandma to take care of her. When the business was good, they welcomed Erbao Linlin again, and wanted to do business and take care of Erbao.
didn't have the extra energy to take care of Wenwen, so he kept letting Wenwen and grandma stay in his hometown until his grandma passed away and Wenwen began to live independently.
Wenwen has been following her grandmother since she was a child and is extra sensible. Her parents cannot come back to spend the New Year with her. So she comforted herself and said that it is not easy for her parents to be outside. If she wants to make money to support her family, she can’t accompany her.
In order to make her parents worry less, she always only reports good news but not bad news. She will solve whatever she can solve, even if it is a thief at home.
was so scared that she did not tell her mother, but asked the village committee for help, and she was sick and fever, she was obviously afraid of new crown .
But when she received the call from her mother, she said calmly that it was okay and asked her mother to take good care of herself, but after hanging up the phone, she asked the teacher for help.
But Wenwen's sensibility and well-behavedness did not bring her mother's understanding, especially when Wenwen's mother peeked at Wenwen's mobile phone and found that her husband had the new crown.
also complained that Wenwen didn't tell her, and said that the family had no sense of trust, and said that there was a thief at home, so she wouldn't tell her about such a big thing.
also said that Wenwen is not close to anyone, she is too unique, and Wenwen exploded completely after hearing this.
says, why is it independent, or is it lonely? When I threw a stone and asked for directions, I was that stone, I was that brick.
When I heard Wenwen's crying, Wenwen cried in the camera, and I cried outside the camera because this accusation was really heartbreaking.
, especially Wenwen, later said, "You gave birth to me and you no longer take care of me, so that my grandma and I can depend on each other. After my grandma passed away, you only made money happily and could let Linlin go to Wuhan to go to school.
Have you ever thought of me? I often tell myself not to be jealous. She is my sister, but you are full of sisters.
I am jealous, why are you all your child, why can she live so sweetly, but I have to live so hard?
This confession by Wenwen not only woke up the mother in the camera, but also woke up the second child family outside the camera and parents who only care about making money.
Have we neglected the big treasure for the second treasure, and have we lost the childhood and company of the children just to make more money.
As parents, we often blame our children for being disobedient, rebellious, introverted, too independent, too introverted, too timid, and too indifferent.
, but she never thought about why the child is like this, and she only knows how to blame the child, just like Wenwen's mother in the play, she blames Wenwen for being too independent.
didn't tell her anything. She never thought that it was their long-term neglect of their children, which led to their independence and being too sensible.
Little do they know that the other side of independence is because of the long-term lack of care and companionship, and being sensible is because she always cares about others and ignores herself.
But this independence and sensibility of children is not really sensible, but a kind of bitterness and astringency. In psychology, children who are too premature sensible are called "ripening children".
ripens children, ripening prematurely and being sensible, they are like tomatoes that are ripened. They are red on the outside but bitter on the inside.
Children who are too independent learn to suppress their true thoughts and feelings early, and thus begin to forget that they also need care and love.
Especially sensible children will always wrap themselves with a sensible appearance to cater to others, thereby ignoring their true feelings in their hearts.
When they grow up, these children are either sensible and distressing, or they are terrified and despicable. But no matter which one it is, it will be a great harm to the growth of a child, and will even affect the child's personality and destiny throughout his life.
Harvard psychology professor Gilbert once said:
Ten years later, you will not regret doing one less project, but you will regret not spending more hour with your child.
2.
does not control it, give children respect and choose
In the play, Wu Jiajun's mother Dong Bihua is a typical control mother. Jiajun has loved the 2D animation since she was a child, so she also hopes to take the art exam in the college entrance examination.
But Jiajun's mother supervised the voyeurism again and again, and even broke the door to supervise her son's study.
is just to allow the child to follow her planning and arrangements so that the child can get into key universities and have a good way out in the future.
She thought she was good for her children, but the child did not recognize her at all.
At the beginning, Jiajun could still bear it until his mother tore off his painting. He finally couldn't bear it anymore, and completely roared and contradicted his mother, saying, "How can you be so vicious, even your stepmother is worse than your stepmother."
It is conceivable that I have been holding my beloved child since I was a child and devoted to the child's mother. When I heard the child say such hurtful words, I felt so heartbroken.
On the verge of collapse, my mother angrily deleted Jiajun's slap. It was also this slap that completely aroused Jiajun's rebellious fire and began to run away from home. When
ran away, he firmly told his mother that if he was not allowed to take the art exam, he would not come back.
In the play, Jia Jun's mother used authority to ask her child to follow her own ideas. As a result, the child not only did not compromise, but also destroyed the parent-child relationship.
pictures are from the Internet. Infringement must be deleted
However, fortunately, the father is sober and respects the child, and has been persuading Jiajun's mother, so they restored their original parent-child relationship.
But Jia Jun’s father’s words are worth our deep reading:
Even if we calculate everything for the child, can you predict what it will become in 20 years? No matter what changes will happen in the future, will Jiajun have to face them yourself in the end?
Do we have a deep feeling when we see this passage? The times have been changing. We now think that good for our children may not be useful in the future.
There is also, even if we force our children to follow our ideas now, will they really follow our ideas in the future?
may not be the case, because there are too many majors that children do not like, so they all change their careers in the end, even if they stay in this major.
did not like it, and did not achieve much results or results. As parents, you must understand that children’s interests and hobbies are more important than anything else.
When children grow up, we must learn to let go, respect children, and let them make choices for their lives.
Once read a sentence:
The best way to love a person is to help him become the king of his own country, rather than letting him live as a puppet in the name of love.
3.
Always demand yourself and influence your children with actions
In the play, Zhou Bowen is a smart, sensible and considerate child, but her behavior is not because her parents teach him so patiently.
And Zhou Bowen's mother always uses her actions to influence and infect him. In the play, Zhou Bowen's father is idle and loves to play games.
But Zhou's mother never complained about her husband, but used love to tolerate her husband, and at the same time told her son to understand her father.
I get up at 4 a.m. every day, ride a tricycle to the vegetable market to buy the ingredients needed for the day. The epidemic is coming.
The restaurant business is not good, and Zhou's mother did not sit still and wait for death, but tried to do other small business transactions, such as fried melon seeds with exclusive recipes.
also uses good meat and seasonings to make delicious handmade sausages. Every day, my husband is encouraged to go out and sell his own grilled sausages.
She did not teach her children as hard as other mothers, but she used her actions to influence and infect the children bit by bit.
let the blog post see in my mother, tenacity and courage, and optimism.
Especially during the epidemic, she did not admit defeat or complain, but kept thinking and thinking about ways to face and solve the difficulties.
It is such little effort and action that not only raises an excellent son, but also cheers up the husband from decadence.
4.
Materials cannot replace accompanying
Pan Xiaoxuan in the play is a smart, enthusiastic, and enthusiastic young man.
But because he is in a family with divorced parents, he lacks love and a sense of belonging, so he often hopes to help others.
to enhance his presence, but his parents don’t know about this situation, and they just think that it’s good that they’ll give enough money until the child becomes depressed later.
They also think that he is looking for trouble and making trouble for himself.
Little do you know that money can only satisfy material things, but nourishing the heart of children requires the love, companionship and protection of parents. Only in this way can children grow into an excellent and mature person.
5.
Let yourself down and be a parent with a pattern
In the play, Qin Siyao, the daughter of the Education Director, eats at the dinner table, discussing that many children are poor and cannot use the computer to attend classes.
daughter Qin Siyao said disapprovingly:
The family has no money, so they should find a way to make money, just start a live broadcast and sell it miserable.
The father was surprised by his daughter's indifference and superiority, and slapped the table to question his daughter's values.
Qin Siyao saw that his father got angry and didn't eat, so he returned to his room.
I thought this dad was fine after he yelled, but what I didn’t expect was that the process of teaching his daughter in the end was a textbook.
He first apologized to his daughter, saying that he had just lost his temper, and then opened the topic with the novel "The Great Gatsby" .
He quoted a sentence from the novel:
When you criticize others, remember that not everyone in the world has the same conditions as you.
Qin Siyao reflected on himself and admitted his mistakes, but also expressed his thoughts, hoping that his father could say something well.
At this time, Qin's father once again apologized sincerely and made a complete reconciliation with his daughter with his sincerity.
As parents, on the road to raising children, if we want to cultivate an excellent child, we do not blindly ask the child to make various changes, but also change and improve ourselves.
Only in this way can children become rich and powerful people when they grow up.
As parents, we are not only the cradle of children's growth, but also the harbor for children to belong.
What do you think about this? Welcome to leave a message to discuss it.
Author introduction:
Tongxiu's mother talks about parenting. I am a post-90s mother who loves learning and growth. I like to record myself and children in the form of writing, and at the same time use stories to light up life. My wish is to live my life in the way I like.
