Are “Loving children” and “setting rules” the same single choice question? Today, the editor will share with you an article that rules must be established, but methods must be discussed.

Are “Love children” and “set rules” a single choice question? Today, the editor will share with you an article that rules must be established, but methods must be discussed.

The mother's approach, setting rules with her children and using non-violent communication methods, all belong to the specific method level of learning. The characteristic of this level is that she can learn it once, but the disadvantage is that she does not understand the reason. It is like a martial arts practitioner who has learned all the moves, but she doesn't know why she has to make such a move, and she doesn't know what the underlying logic of each move is. Therefore, when fighting with others, she will only be able to move routines, be rigid and rigid, and cannot respond flexibly, and of course she has no real combat power. For example, there is a parent-child communication method. First recognize the child’s feelings, then talk about his own thoughts, and finally find a solution with the child. After a mother studied, she immediately went home to communicate with her child about playing games. She said, "Mom knows that you like playing games very much, but Mom is worried about your eyes, so..." Before she finished speaking, she was interrupted by the child: "Mom, you are tricking me again, I don't want to talk to you!" Why do the child thinks that her mother is tricking him?

Because the underlying logic of all "touches" in family education is first of all to "understand" . That is to say, no matter how unreasonable an external behavior is, from the perspective of a child, this can be understood, and this is the prerequisite for communication. However, the starting point and purpose of most mothers using these "touches" is to "change" , and they want to quickly change their children's "unreasonable behavior" through a specific "touch". This is the contradiction, and it is wrong to start with these "touches". Then you may say, what's the use of understanding alone, children can't change it?

We must admit the fact that all changes in can only happen from the inside , that is, a child's changes can only come from his own will, and no persuasion or external forces can make a person truly change. Therefore, when we use these "tips" with the goal of "changing" our children, it is often ineffective. Then how does the endogenous change occur? Understand and accept.

As Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of the Parental Effectiveness Training Manual, wrote in the book: " When a person feels that he is truly accepted by another person, he will start from then on and start thinking about what changes he wants to make and realize his potential. Acceptance is the soil for change to happen." Only acceptance can bring about endogenous changes.

Set rules for children. These three principles of parents cannot be ignored:

1. Some things cannot be accustomed to

Some parents say, "There are rules at home, but children can't help but cheat!"

This is a common problem in many families: children do not follow your principles, and often threaten their parents by crying and not eating. This is largely due to parents repeatedly lowering the bottom line.

2. Some things must be done by the children themselves

Some parents also think that their children are young and are slow to do things. Parents will help their children with everything first, and it will be time to train them later. In fact, at every age, children have their own things to their own.

Let the child do more things within his ability. Only after a long time can he learn to be self-reliant and self-improvement while growing up.

3. Some responsibilities must be that the child must bear the

classic picture book " I will love you forever " There is such a conversation:

Ali: "If I make my pillow feathers fly all over the sky, do you still love me?"

Mom: "I will love you forever, but you will have to pack up the feathers."

Ali: "If I sprinkle the paint on my sister, do you still love me?"

Mom: "I will love you forever, but you will have to take care of the bath of my sister."

The mother in this story did a very good job. She promised endlessly, "I will love you forever", and at the same time, she did not forget to emphasize: child, you must be responsible for your own behavior.You should try to find ways to recover or make up for the consequences of your actions.

Parents cannot help their children escape, but should ask their children to bear the consequences for their wrong words and deeds, so that their children can have the honesty and courage to face their mistakes.

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