The child is just 3 years old. He never needs help with his meals and clothes. He can also help mop the floor, choose vegetables, and keep hygienic. He also has a sweet and good-looking mouth, and is polite to deal with people, and even expresses his requests in a tactful manner.
Many netizens expressed their shock and "seeking scriptures" from this mother and asked her how she educated her.
Mother replied proudly, but in fact she didn't do anything, she just tried to deal with it coldly. When the child was worried, she would just let her digest herself and calm down. Don't spoil her or spoil her.
Seeing this, a big question mark popped up in my heart: the child doesn’t even dare to say anything to his parents. Is this the so-called “high emotional intelligence”?
Many parents hope that their children can be well-behaved and sensible, behave generously, and become "little adults" with high emotional intelligence.
But in fact, if the child is just "forced" and has to be sensible and forced to cater to his parents, rather than showing his own independence from the heart, it is actually not a real high emotional intelligence, but a "lack of love".
is not "high emotional intelligence" or "lack of love"
I remember that some netizens shared this experience before. When she was a child, she was sent to her grandmother's house. She has been very obedient and sensible since she can remember, and she dared not cry. She always secretly looked at the emotions of adults.
If the adult is unhappy, she will work more and talk less to deliberately please them. Even if she eats at her own house, if the adult doesn't say she can eat, she will never dare to get it.
Think carefully, isn’t this the “ emotional intelligence high” in the eyes of some parents?
At a young age, you will be able to observe your expressions and look at your expressions and know how to cater to adults' preferences. In order to gain recognition from your parents, you always show extra sensibility and make some "high emotional intelligence".
But the fact is that because she grew up in an environment of "lack of love", she could only deliberately disguise herself, suppress her emotions and needs, and simply lack love and security, rather than a manifestation of "high emotional intelligence".
From a psychological point of view, children are in the "self-centered stage" before the age of 6. Whether they think about problems or do things, they are self-centered, and it is difficult to look at problems from the perspective of "others".
Until the age of 6, as the child's brain gradually develops, he begins to have "abstract concepts", so he can gradually understand other people's situations and ideas, and slowly develop the empathy ability of others' perspectives.
Therefore, a child who is only three or four years old, acting well-behaved, sensible and obedient is not really because of his high emotional intelligence, but because of his lack of love, he needs to cater to his parents in exchange for their recognition.
Long-term "lack of love" will cause harm to children
Psychologist Freud once said: "One of the two tragedies in life is that you have not got what you love."
For children, what they desire most is the care, recognition and support of their parents. Those children who have been in the "lack of love" environment for a long time are easily hurt.
In real life, some people seem careless and have no taboos, but they have a very sensitive heart. They care especially about other people's evaluations and approvals, and always hope to get praise.
So when getting along with classmates, colleagues and friends, I unconsciously put myself in a humble position and deliberately please me. Over time, I have developed a "pleasant personality" and become a "good guy" in everyone's eyes.
traces the origin. The reason why these people have such behavior is because they failed to get enough love and support from their parents in childhood, lack security, and are always used to please others, which makes it difficult to establish healthy interpersonal relationships when they grow up, and are hurt due to long-term "lack of love".
can guide children to vent their emotions correctly so that they can develop "high emotional intelligence"
Some parents may ask, if they don't discipline their children, will they let them lose their temper and make the family mess?
The answer is of course not. There is nothing wrong with disciplined children. The mistake is to oversuppress and blindly pursue the so-called "behaved and sensible", so that children can live in a depressed environment and cannot feel the love of their parents.
In the process of educating children, we can guide them to vent their emotions correctly, give them some freedom to vent their emotions, and try to be understanding, tolerant, and gentle. After the child has vented his emotions, he can mobilize rational thinking, and then discuss educational issues with him, which can achieve twice the result with half the effort.
Due to imperfect physical development and limited cognitive ability, it is difficult for children to control their emotions and do not know what is the real "high emotional intelligence".
As a parent, you must avoid "sweeping the seedlings and promoting growth" to your children. Use a tough way to make your children become "obedient and sensible" according to requirements. Only by guiding your children to vent their emotions correctly and not suppressing themselves can you gradually establish empathy and develop "high emotional intelligence".
Wicked mother's conclusion:
Children are flattering to their parents and deliberately make some pleasing behaviors. This is not really a high emotional intelligence, but a manifestation of "lack of love".
As parents, we must not blindly pursue the so-called obedience and sensibility, and discipline children too strictly, otherwise it will hurt the children and go against the original intention of education.
Today's topic: Do you have such a "high emotional intelligence" child around you?
I am @�ma. I have a cute baby at home. I focus on research on knowledge during pregnancy and parenting. For more information, please follow me.
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