Author: Xinhai corner (parents evolution writer)
just saw a little fun and heart-warming video, the night of Zhejiang, a mother dressed in pajamas standing behind son is afraid of the dark on the toilet The son waved the flag and shouted.
Mother said loudly and sang: "First step, open the door! The door opens, rush forward boldly!" As the son stretched his head to look at the bathroom, he mustered the courage to rush in.
In the mother's "Go! Go!" shout, the son really yelled "Ah!" and rushed in. The mother immediately praised the son and said: "Yes! Great!"
But the son quickly ran away Coming out with a horrified expression, it seemed that the bathroom looked terrifying. This scene was really dumbfounding, and the little boy was too courageous.
However, we saw from the mother's patient encouragement that she allowed her son to be scared. Even if the son ran back crying, he would not blame the son, but stretched out both hands to embrace him.
Parents grew up with children. We should understand their children’s fears and allow them to try slowly and gradually change from fear to no longer fear, instead of pushing their children into fear roughly.
If the child is always afraid of a certain situation or object, it’s not a big deal. Think about it, we will also have some fear, and we can treat the child’s fear more tolerantly.
The ancient Greek philosopher Plato said that we can easily forgive children who are afraid of the dark. The real tragedy in life is when an adult fears the light.
Children are children after all. They are easily afraid of the dark, heights, big monsters, etc. Parents should not let their children get rid of their fears, but should accept their fears.
Allowing children to be afraid does not mean that the child is a cowardly and timid person. Parents need to change their minds and understand that there is fear in order to make their children more awed and responsible.
Parents who do not allow their children to be afraid, what are they afraid of?
A clinical psychologist from the United States once summarized a child’s "fear list", which is divided into two categories for children aged 2-4 and children aged 5-7, with 12-13 fears respectively.
combing through this list, we will find that children are afraid of toilet training, afraid of the dark, afraid of loud noises are common phenomena that exist in most children, parents do not need to worry too much.
But in fact, most parents are not able to tolerate the fear of their children. My brother once knew that he was afraid of big cock for his daughter, and forced Xiao Xiao to be scared to collapse.
Xiaoxiao is a sensitive and introverted little girl. Although she was born in the countryside, she never dared to approach the chicks, and of course she is far away from the big cock. But my brother thinks how can rural children be so hypocritical?
So once, my brother hugged a big cock and asked Xiaoxiao to hug him. Xiaoxiao backed away from the spot, crying for mercy: "Dad, I really don't dare!"
Where would my brother listen? He dragged Xiaoxiao over, and thrust the big cock into Xiaoxiao's arms. Xiaoxiao collapsed to the point of crying and grabbing the ground. She was so frightened that she almost fell to the ground.
When my mother heard the dispute between the father and son, she took Xiaoxiao over and found that Xiaoxiao was about to pass out. Later, after being ill for several days, she was so angry that her mother beat up my brother severely.
Some parents take it for granted that there is nothing to be afraid of what their children are afraid of, and they even want to force their children to stop being afraid of them in a "drug against drugs" style.
is actually the parents who are afraid. The fear is that the child will be inferior to other children because of some fear. After all, the parents cannot accept the child as it is, and want to change the child forcibly.
as an American writerCooper said that people who have never feared will not have any hope. Parents should allow their children to have fears and fears. This is the child's instinct and right.
How do parents face the fear of their children?
Someone once said that when everyone has fear, brave people can face fear and overcome fear.
Parents allow their children to have fears, but they need to be sure that they should not affect their children's normal life because of their fears, or they need to take active interventions.
First of all, understand the specific content of the child's fear.
My son is afraid of big monsters under the bed, afraid of monsters and monsters in cartoons, and dare not touch software bugs. This is what I have observed that my son is afraid of.
In the daily process of accompanying their children, parents should remember that this is the scene or thing the child is afraid of when they find that the child is nervous and expresses "I am afraid!"
Of course, parents do not need to deliberately emphasize, let alone publicize it to the outside world. Instead, they must treat their children's fear in a low-key manner and not spread the fearful emotions, which will help children overcome fear in the future.
Secondly, allow children to fear certain aspects.
The Indian poet Tagore said in "Gola" that we only bow our heads because we feel fear.
When a child is afraid of heights, fierce faces, and other things that are not related to daily life, parents should not force corrections. Instead, they will make the child afraid to climb up and down because of fear, and afraid to walk with strangers casually.
Children who are afraid will know how to protect themselves. Parents can allow their children's fear to always exist and tell them how to deal with it.
third, give children time to overcome fear.
Most children under the age of 10 are afraid of the dark, but almost no adults say that they are afraid of the dark, because with the increase of age, those who were afraid of childhood naturally will not be afraid.
Parents should not worry that their children are afraid of this and that, but should give their children enough time so that they can quietly no longer be afraid of so many things while improving their cognition.
Step back ten thousand steps, even if the child is afraid of the dark when he grows up, then leave a small night light. There are many solutions, and allowing the child to be afraid is the best way.
Allowing children to be afraid is the greatest respect for parents
Some time ago, a kindergarten in Changzhou gave the children a life education lesson. Because of the death of a coccidia, the teacher decided to talk to the children about death.
and the children expressed their fear. After the teachers took the children to hold the funeral for the coccidia, they read the life education picture book together, so that the children could understand the meaning of death and not be so afraid.
Parents allow their children to be afraid when their children grow up, which is to give the children the utmost respect, so that the children can gradually change from fear to acceptance to fearlessness.
Zhihu, a mother asked a question, saying that her son is three years old, usually lively and cheerful, but especially afraid of the dummy in the mall, even if his parents enlighten him, the dummy will not move, but the son is afraid.
The parents did not force their son, but decided not to go to the mall for the time being, but recently they were reluctant to take the father's car to the kindergarten. The reason was that once a bus drove outside the window. The advertisement on the bus body of
depicts a dummy, which makes parents very anxious. They feel that their son’s fear has affected their normal life, but this is not always the case.
Children are afraid, afraid and afraid of the dark, which is a normal self in the process of growing up.Naturally, parents need to accept their children's fears, and accompany their children to face this fear.
With the company of their parents, children’s fears will be soothed, and they can gradually feel that there is no big deal, and gradually they will no longer be afraid of things that originally scared them.
Some psychologists define the sense of security as: a feeling of confidence, security and freedom that is free from fear and anxiety, especially the feeling of meeting a person's various needs now (or in the future).
hope that parents can allow their children to be afraid, and then in the process of overcoming the fear, they will cultivate enough sense of security to help their children grow more stably!
About the author: A corner of the sea, a child psychology researcher, with a heart that loves life, handwritten insights into human nature, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized reproduction is not allowed, infringement must be investigated, Fushu 2018 is a heavy launch The new book "Good Life"
• The picture comes from the Internet, and the copyright belongs to the owner of the picture.
