Many parents think that their children need full freedom to grow up, and they need to give them more space to take on the role of children playing and rolling on the ground, crying and crying, parents are helpless and start to regret not setting rules for their children earlier Up.
In fact, "love children" and "rules" are not a single choice question.
Actually, parents who control too little and too strict are not uncommon around us. Parents who dote on their children generally believe that the pressure their children are facing is already great, so while they are still young, they should give their children a happy childhood. A little indulgence of the children will not affect him. Parents who are too strict think that there are no rules and no circle. If you don’t discipline your children from the details of their lives now, how can they get a foothold in society in the future? Both views of
sound reasonable, but the problem is that the way these parents deal with contradictions is not a comprehensive consideration, but a single-choice question between "love children" and "rules." Such an either-or choice will inevitably have a negative impact on the growth of the child.
Families that love children excessively will cause children to be unruly, not polite and respectful; and the latter will cause children to be cautious and follow the rules.
Therefore, it is necessary for parents to realize that rules and love are originally unified. The essence of home is the home of the heart. It needs sincere care and closeness, and it needs human touch and empathy. The three principles of
cannot be ignored
01
There are some things that can’t be used to
Some parents say: “There are rules in the house, but there is nothing wrong with children.” This is a common problem in many families. Children do not listen to the parents’ principles and often cry. To threaten parents by skipping meals. To a large extent, this is caused by the parents repeatedly and repeatedly lowering the bottom line.
is like the iPad that was originally booked with the child for only half an hour a day, but when the time came when the child cried, the adult compromised, so he let the child play for another half an hour.
Spoiled children have a characteristic, that is, their requirements can always be met. From the first time an adult compromised, he was already making trouble for himself and his child's future.
02
Some parents must let their children do things by themselves.
Some parents think their children are still young and work hard, so the parents will help their children take care of everything first, and there will be no time for further training. But in fact, at every age group of children, they have things they can do.
Parents can tell the child what he wants to do according to the characteristics of the child. Love is never a big deal. It needs to teach children how to solve problems, not help them solve problems. This is true love. Let the child do more things within his capacity. After a long time, he will learn to be self-reliant as he grows up.
03
There are some responsibilities that must be borne by the children themselves. There is such a dialogue in the classic picture book "I Love You forever"
:
Ali: "If I make my pillow feathers all over the sky, would you still love me?" I love you forever, but you have to clean up your feathers."
Ali: "If I sprinkle the paint on my sister, do you still love me?"
Mom: "I love you forever, but you You have to be responsible for bathing your sister."
's mother did a very good job in this story. She took the trouble to ensure that she would love her children forever, but she did not forget to emphasize: children, you have to be responsible for your actions. You have to find ways to recover or make up for the consequences of your actions.
Parents cannot help their children escape, but should ask their children to bear the consequences for their wrong words and actions, so that the children have the honesty and courage to face the mistakes. The four rules of
must be developed into
01
. There can be no rough and vulgar behavior
. There are such children who like to use violent means to force others to obey their own will; use language to attack and coerce others to realize their wishes. However, this approach is absolutely undesirable!
If the child has vulgar words and deeds, then parents should do this: First, help the child distinguish right from wrong, and clearly tell the child that he must not do it in the future. This is crude behavior and is subject to criticism. Then guide the child, let the child reflect on his own, and come up with a better way to deal with this matter.
Establishing rules like this can help children adjust their emotions, learn how to deal with what they want, how to deal with their emotions, etc. In this process, children will constantly adjust their views on things and their own mentality. When he grows up, he will use this model to treat the people around him, becoming more rational and thinking of others.
02
Don’t take other people’s things casually
Some children often have a hard time distinguishing themselves from others, and they don’t know how to distinguish between themselves and others. So in many cases, as long as the child likes something, he will not hesitate to reach out and take it, and feel that "the one you get is yours."
In situations like this, parents should consciously help him build himself up Boundaries with others. Such rules can help children to better distinguish between "your" and "mine", knowing that things that are not their own are other people's, and other people's things cannot be taken, and "my" things must be under my control. This distinction between concepts is the basis of the most basic moral and mentality. He only learned to respect others when he grew up.
03
Don’t disturb others at will.
When a child encounters a good thing, is praised by a teacher, makes a new friend, etc., he will always be very excited to tell his parents about this matter, regardless of whether the parents are at this time. They will always interrupt without hesitation when they say something. And now many parents are "children first", so they often allow their children to interrupt their speech at any time, and they will respond happily to their children. Such an attitude makes it easy for children to develop the habit of disturbing others desperately. After the age, you may be self-centered, and it is difficult to live in a collective.
If parents find that their children have such bad habits, they should consciously help their children to correct them in their daily lives, and tell them: "It is very impolite to disturb others casually. If you are sleeping, other children will always Come and talk to you, will you be happy?" Parents calmly guide the child to learn empathy, let him know that being disturbed by others is very unhappy, and then set rules for him. Establishing such a rule can help children learn to respect others, let them know that they should not disturb them when others are busy, and they will also learn to empathize and become more understanding in this process. It is easier to make more good friends.
04
have to apologize for doing wrong, and have the right to ask others to apologize.
Parents love their children, they always feel that the child is still young, and let him everywhere, even if the child makes a mistake and can't afford it, his parents will forgive him if they make a mistake. This kind of handling method will make the child feel that it is no big deal to do something wrong, anyway, parents will forgive themselves. When children are not restrained, it is inevitable that they will do whatever they want and make more and more serious mistakes.
Parents should teach their children from an early age, and apologize for mistakes, so that they are good polite children. When a child makes a mistake, in addition to educating him, he can also ask the child to say sorry to himself. If mom and dad blamed the child, they should also apologize to the child, set a good example for the child, and follow the rules with the child.
Establishing such rules can help children learn to be polite, face more honestly, and have the courage to take the initiative to admit mistakes. In this process, the children also learned to reflect on themselves, and at this time they also learned to defend their rights.
It is our instinct to love children; it is our responsibility to set rules for children so that they can grow into an adult who can stand alone. The unity of rules and love can achieve the future of children.
