Hello everyone, I am Cuckoo's mom~
My father and I are very active in picking up Bu Niu after school. Although I was not the first to go there, it was still early every time.
Sometimes my sister will say, if you are busy with work, just go there later and leave the child to the teacher.
I shook my head and said that no matter how busy I was, I couldn’t let the Bu Niu wait too long.
And as a kindergarten parent, the teacher always reminds us: when school is over, try to pick up the children on time, don’t be too late, and don’t wait until other children leave and you haven’t come yet.
Why do parents have to go early after picking up their children after school?
1: Love? Or don't love it?
The book "Capturing Children's Sensitive Period" points out that when a child has emotional understanding, if the parents pick him up very late, he will think that this is a problem of "love or not".
Because children will encounter various problems in socializing.
He will carefully hide his feelings of grievance, tension and helplessness in his heart. Only when he sees his family after school can he be safely released.
But if he sees his classmates being picked up one by one, he is lying on the windowsill and waiting, but if you don’t come yet, his expectations will fade little by little, and hope will gradually turn into disappointment.
He will not explain this matter as "Mom is late for something", but will think: "Does mom not love me?"
Once the child thinks about the question of "parents love him or not", he will easily put this matter in peace, and this will make him feel worried.
Many parents say that when their children grow up, they don’t stick to me or kiss me.
This is likely to be that when the child is attached to you, you did not give him enough attachment, so that he would have the intention of "love or not love him" since he was a child.
After all, even adults, if we go wherever we go and know that someone will come to pick us up after the matter is over, we will be happy and full of expectations all day long.
Because, a person who is willing to come to pick us up early regardless of wind and rain, what he brings us is full of love. The same is true for children. The behavior of picking up and dropping off them is actually a language of love.
If the child is with us, he feels safety, attachment and love. These warm emotions became a huge wealth in his life.
When he went to elementary school, he began to use this wealth and used these warm personality backgrounds to get along with classmates and teachers.
But when the child's emotional world is tense, alienated and cold, it will be difficult for the child to solve complex interpersonal relationships. When he grew up, he easily became humble and pleasing.
So, in the kindergarten stage, it is easy to "destroy" a child, just pick him up after school very late every day.
2: It's really late, please do these
. Of course, we don't have to be the first to arrive every time.
There have been studies that children who are often picked up by the first one are prone to vanity. When you are not the first to pick him up one day, he will be unacceptable due to the large gap.
So, we just need to go on time and pick up the child a little earlier, and there is no need to deliberately get the first one.
But what if we are really busy with work and can’t go early on time?
① Explain to the child in advance
If you can’t pick up the child, you can ask the elderly at home to help pick him up and drop him off. If you pick it up and drop it off yourself and have been delayed due to work, please explain it to your child in advance.
When talking to your child, the more specific the better.
Because if you only tell him "mom is wrong", he might think, are you lying? Is it a fool? Don't you love me?
But if I tell my child that I have a lot of things this time, I have to hold a meeting, make 3 phone calls, reply 4 emails, and then I can pick you up after I finish these.
The child knew it in his mind. When he was waiting for you, he would not wait for nothing, but had certain expectations. He would have his own budget or call him.
In addition, we can also ask the child, what can you do to pass the boring time when you wait for your mother?
Children may say, sit in the classroom to read books, draw, play slides, etc.
has such an explanation in advance, and the child can understand your lateness and find a way to solve the problem by himself. He will not make any guesses and thoughts by himself because he is unprepared.
②Communicate more
Usually when chatting with your child, we can also communicate more with your child and tell him that if one day my parents don’t come to pick you up in time, it must be delayed because of a very urgent matter and not deliberately late.
has such a "prevention" that can cultivate children's sense of security, so that children will be mentally prepared and will not be too anxious.
We should also call the teacher in time to inform the situation, or explain the reason to the child on the phone, so that the child can wait patiently.
③Repair afterwards
In addition to preventing in advance, we also need to do an important step: make up afterwards.
Once I was too late. When I saw Bu Niu, I gave her a big hug and hugged her tightly and said, "Mom is so happy to see you. It was just delayed because of the matter, but I miss you so much. It's so great to see you!"
With such comfort, the child can understand that the mother's late picking him up is not intentionally ignoring or not loving her, but because something really happens.
At the same time, the mother's hugs and words also made the child feel relieved: "Mom loves me very much!"
picking up the child from school seems to be just a small matter, but for the child, it is a big matter of "love or not".
Just like when I was a child, I didn’t spend much time with my father, but now when I recall it, it’s all a clip of him picking me up from school on a rainy day.
Children are truly attached to their parents only in just a few short years. When he goes to elementary school or even junior high school, you will find that the distance between you and your child is getting farther and farther.
When the child grows up, he will no longer stick to your hands, nor will he crawl into your arms and act coquettishly, nor will he cry "I want mom" after going to school.
When your child depends on you the most, please do not be absent or be late. Because once some things are missed, they can never be found again!
[Pictures come from the Internet, instantly deleted]
Author profile: Cuckoo's mother, a mother who is good at observing, thinking and has a way. Focus on children's psychology , understand the easy raising of children, follow them if you like it~
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