Text/Lan Ma talks about parenting
"The Book of Changes" says: "A gentleman is careful about the beginning, the difference is as small as a slight difference, and it penetrates thousands of miles."
The sentence "
" means: Although the difference is small, the errors and errors caused are extremely large!
In life, carelessness is always a stumbling block on the road to excellence of children
Lost, absent-minded, dragging and procrastinating...
This is probably a true portrayal of careless children's learning.
A mother told me about her experience, and the feelings left to me so far are still deep.
She said:
"My 8-year-old daughter said she didn't want to go to school,"
" and said that she would not want to pick up rags or go out to set up stalls and sell vegetables. I want to go to school again. "
" I hate going to school so young. Maybe I really don't have any materials to go to school."
three simple sentences. After I read it, I persuaded . "There are no materials that I have never learned innately. Don't be so pessimistic. My child is unwilling to study. It must have encountered something."
After a few days, my mother excitedly sent a message saying that since she changed her pessimistic mood, the relationship between her and her daughter has eased a lot. Now she has become actively and proactively at school. Every morning, she can take the initiative to check her schoolbag and put a water cup without reminding her.
is obvious. The child who used to be unable to wake up the alarm clock has become and is now actively optimistic about . The changes in this are inseparable from the mother's emotional changes. What's going on with
? Don't worry, let's continue to look at
☟
01
"If I do it again, I will never yell at the child again."
An eight-year-old daughter who is only in the second grade is tired of school, and she is not willing to go to school again
I think most parents have a feeling of being anxious about being unstoppable
In fact, it is not scary for children to be tired of studying. What is scary is that parents do not realize the reflection of the second child mother mentioned above. At first, she showed dissatisfaction with her eldest daughter from the inside out. She said:
"I have never seen such a disobedient child"
" That child has no appearance of doing homework and no concept of learning"
"Working homework is either thirsty or going to the toilet for a while, or sleeping when sleepy"
"Working homework is either thirsty or going to the toilet for a while, or going to bed when you are sleepy."
l0 "It's obviously for her good, but in the end I can be so angry that I'm so angry"
"I don't know what kind of evil I did in my previous life, and I was tortured by this girl in this life."
After hearing this mother's complaints and emotional venting, I asked her: "Then are you feeling better now?"
, who was obviously stunned, sighed and said, "What's the feeling? Such a young child, what should I do after I don't study?"
established his own ideas and his expectations for the child ht After ml4, it was obvious that the mother also realized that she had bad to her daughter
. She slowly began to lower her head, and blamed her and said: "I don't want to say those ugly words to her every day, but when I see her not studying hard and careless, my emotions can't be controlled."
It turns out that this mother is a second child mother, and she is still the kind of who has no one to help her. No matter how hard life is, no matter how hard life is, she is alone.
, probably because of the excessive consumption of energy and the bitterness of , which is not the one who has no one to help, many second-child mothers seem sensitive and irritable than when they have their first child.
The endless energy, yelling, and nagging every day, the details are not introduced too much...
Analysis from the fact that an 8-year-old girl said she was unwilling to go to school, it must not be a result in one day or two
According to the mother's recollection, I summarized the girl's unwilling to go to school into three periods of influence:
Second child period-As soon as my sister was born, everyone felt that the sister should give in to her sister: "Why? This is mine"
Early childhood - When I was in kindergarten, my mother only cared about her newborn sister every day: "Sister needs care, don't I need care?"
Elementary school - When I went to elementary school, the pressure of going to school met my sister who was very excited every day: "Why do my sister play, I have to do my homework constantly?"
Through the above three periods, it is not difficult to see that
Since my sister was born, my sister has had a lot of negative emotions and psychological changes
plus my mother's usual expectation and often say some crackdowns or criticisms
Slowly, the girl must have more extremes and bored manifestations
For example, rebelliousness comes, and I want to sing the opposite tune with my parents in everything
From these, it can be seen that the girl's is behind school also has the emotions that mothers usually can't finish yelling
Later, I encourage this mother to talk to her children about more things beyond learning, and when emotions and vision are no longer just obsessed with them When studying this, gradually, the girl is becoming more and more willing to take the initiative to communicate with her mother . As the relationship between mother and daughter gradually eases and , the mother also realizes her problem. She reflects and says: "If I do it again, I will never yell at the child again."
02
The more children yell, the more they are, the better children grow slowly from the details What negative impact does parents often yell at their children? The mother who reflected on told the truth She told me: "The more children yell, the less they can't do it." . If you think about it carefully, it's really the same thing . Not long ago, my daughter, who was in the second grade, brought back an assignment - memorizing multiplication formula . At that time, I thought: How simple is this, even if I memorize it a few times, I will know . The result was that my daughter read it for two hours in a row. It was still . The clouds and fog. . 17 . It is the number that multiplied by 1, because no matter what number multiplied by 1, it is equal to the original number . Hearing this, it is inevitable that there will be some that makes me angry. After all, one student after another in the group has handed in the homework . In order to better improve the efficiency of my daughter's memorization, I specially asked her to enhance the memory through copying . This method has a little effect at the beginning. However, as the numbers copied by my daughter become more and more biased, the style of painting begins to change:
•"What's wrong with you? I can't remember it after copying this little thing a few times."
The daughter pouted unhappily when she heard these words and shouted angrily, "I know."
I originally thought that the efficiency would improve after the reminder, but the copying content was really impossible to read
So, there was another nagging:
•"Look at the words you wrote, what it looks like, I'm afraid I don't even know you myself"
•"Just the word you wrote, if I were a teacher, I would call it back and let you rework it."
Just as I was about to deeply correct various mistakes in my child, I suddenly reflected: Isn't the child's current task memorizing the multiplication formula?"
At that moment, I also understood that many times it is not that our children's writing worse and worse, and they are less able to learn, but that they lack effective and independent space for their children to learn, including that children always do their homework careless , because excellence always grows slowly from details.
03
What should I do if my child is always careless in doing homework? The fundamental problem is the environment
What should I do if my child is always careless in doing homework and fails to achieve the expected results?
In fact, when we look back and reflect on ourselves and look at the status of our children, most of the fundamental problems are in the environment
If the child cannot learn well or can't write, start criticizing and scolding
When we take bad emotions, we fall into a "death cycle"
Parents yell at their children, but the child is not convinced, and then disobeys the parents
Or, you don't like the child, and the child is also disliked. I don't want to talk to you
We can recall whether the pattern of getting along with children was like this:
Homework error rate is too high Criticize too stupid
Homework cannot be completed Criticize too slow
Always can't remember it, so I copied it until I can recite it
Seeing that other people's children are excellent, I also criticized my children for not working hard
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It was not until after reflection that I realized that
It turned out that criticism and punishment of copying would only make the child more and more disgusted and more procrastinated
After my daughter could not remember the multiplication formula even if she read and copied, I asked her to master the principle of multiplication first.
is: "How many times are multiplied" equal to "How many times are added"
0 Wait until the child figured out this meaning, she was surprised to find that she had actually achieved the efficiency of telling the answer
can be seen that children's learning methods are really greater than rote memorization
, and those carelessness
, which cannot be remembered no matter how you remember it, and inefficient in writing it, we should also realize a problem, that is,: the method should be changed, and the strategy should be changed
, so, how should parents change their children's carelessness from the educational environment? 4 healthy behaviors of parents are indispensable
First, control your eyes, don’t just stare at the mistakes and don’t put them
I found
parents who always stare at their children’s mistakes easily make their children become submissive
Because the child has been growing in negative emotions, if the errors are not corrected, or correctly confirmed
Slowly, the child will have serious self-doubt
. The formation of errors is actually the children's shortcomings in some aspects, and it is also an opportunity for to learn from experience
. Many parents think that children make mistakes is a bad thing. In fact, this idea is completely wrong
. We should not only allow children to make mistakes, but also allow them to grow in errors
. In this regard, parents must first control their own eyes and not always stare at their children's mistakes and not put them on
. But parents cannot do it and just look at them. What should they do? We can make influential from the following reference points:
√Awareness error: Do you think there is something small problem with this matter?
√Guide error: We may think about this from a different perspective!
√ Improvement error: Yes, you already know how to improve errors, congratulations!
√ Learn from experience: There may be many ways to correct this matter. Which one do you think is better?
Second, keep your mouth in check, don't talk when your child does homework
"I've called you many times, when will I prepare for homework"
" This word is wrong, and that word is too ugly, wiped, and then rewritten "
" What's wrong with you? I've written this little homework for so long, and still want to go to elementary school?"
" Play every day, why can't you play enough? When you see you playing with toys when doing your homework, see how I deal with you"
...
...
I believe that dear parents are familiar with these words of criticism of children. Some of them are what we said to our children, and some may be what our parents said to themselves once.
In short, when a person is advised not to disturb something, it is a problem of respect, and on the other hand, it is also an impact of interference!
After all, when someone suddenly interjects when you do something seriously, it is easy to be scared not to say it. The previous concept of is also easily disrupted. If the parents often interject on the side when doing their homework, then the efficiency of children's homework will not be too high.
Therefore, parents with high emotional intelligence never urge their children to do their homework, nor do they frequently interfere with when their children do their homework. They will wait until their children finish writing their homework, and then help to establish the awareness of checking, correcting , or missing .
For example:
√Let the child check again to see if there are any errors
√Don't rush to find out a wrong question after discovering a wrong question, let the child read it several times with the meaning of the question
√ Help the child prepare a wrong question book and record all the wrong questions together to facilitate Memory
Third, control behavior, children do homework, parents cannot be idle
There is a father who goes to the tavern to drink a glass of wine before work every day
Unconsciously, this thing has become a habit in life
Another morning when the sky is snowing. The father came to the tavern as usual
but he didn't leave much Step by step, I felt that someone was following
. When he turned his head, he saw his 8-year-old son following him and stepping on the footprints on the snow
. His son was also and said happily: "Dad, dad, look, I am stepping on your footprints now."
This sentence suddenly made the father feel refreshed. . Yes, isn't the child just stepping on the footprints of his parents?
from After that, the father changed his habit of drinking in the tavern every morning
because he wanted to set a good example for his son and let his children grow up by stepping on the right footprints
Every child is a mirror of his parents, and all the children's behaviors are also and can follow . They walk on their parents' footprints, imitating adult behaviors and develop their own small skills. If parents like to lie, then the children will also lie. If parents like to play with their mobile phones, then the children will be no exception.
So, before you want your child to become what kind of person, parents need to make themselves such a person first!
Then, parents should control their behavior about their children's carelessness in doing their homework. Parents should not be idle in their children's homework.
√ You can bring home the work that the company has not completed and show your sense of responsibility for your children
√ You can also read quietly on the side , show your love for knowledge "Living to old age and learning"
√ I really have nothing to do and don’t want to read. Practicing calligraphy is also a good role model to drive, practical and never outdated
Fourth, control emotions, no matter how big the temper is, wait for the child to finish speaking
Educating children is not that difficult. Most of them lack the conditions for to think from the perspective of and to push others to
You can imagine that if we encounter problems, we just criticize or scold the children
Slowly, the child's growth environment will only be surrounded by negative emotions
He may rebelliously attack everyone around him, or he may be disgusted with learning to make it dizzy when he sees books
If you want to improve the problem of children doing homework careless , you still need to fundamentally improve the educational environment
After all, children's excellence has never been achieved by harsh criticism and scolding, because yelling brings negative emotions to children. Living in such a language environment for a long time, children will be prone to emotional anxiety and even boredom.
If you think of as the psychology of , if a child is unwilling to do his homework, it will become normal and easy to understand. When a person psychologically disgusted with something or experiences badly, his resistance to something and something in his heart will also develop to the peak.
. In order to effectively avoid resistance, parents need to control their eyes, mouth, behavior and emotions as much as possible. This process may be harder and may encounter many new problems, but isn’t life like this? Sour, sweet, bitter and spicy. Only after you taste it can you experience the various aspects of life!
So, what are your different opinions and suggestions about the carelessness of children doing their homework? Welcome to leave a message in the comment area to share!
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