This article is a sharing of a mother in our beam-light parenting communication group, the third article.
first article: 
In a beam of light parenting learning exchange group, my friend shared this picture.
I have been doing the "I + Problem = Defeat the Children" for many years. Starting this year, I will slowly learn "I + Child = Defeat the Children".
Ten years of full-time mother, I have worked very hard, but not satisfied is the norm in life. After all, eight out of ten people are unsatisfied in life!
Everyone's family will have various problems, and it is said that 69% of the problems in happy families cannot be solved.
If we want family happiness, we need to learn and coexist with problems.
I am a person who is keen on problems and often I can’t tolerate sand in my eyes.
So I like to stick to the problem and want to solve the problem very much. I often go hand in hand with the problem.
I don't want to stand opposite to children and family, but when I stand on the side of the question, I stand opposite to them myself.
wants to solve the problem, but one problem leads to one problem after another.
The child’s homework problems lead to parent-child problems, and parent-child problems lead to problems with different educational concepts;
Because of conflict, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems lead to the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems, and the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law problems cannot be solved. The ultimate question is the relationship problem of husband and wife, and the relationship problem of husband and wife is traced to the faith problem.
There are many problems, deep and deep, and the most terrifying thing is that there is no solution.
Recently, I have been learning the power of 6a and talked about acceptance.
The above blueprint talks about the fact that we have no common blueprint, and it has brought many difficulties to our different differences.
02 acceptance means that no matter what the child is, he is my child
Five years of parent-child conflict, and most of the trigger points are homework. I was thinking about what exactly is acceptance?
A full-time mother for ten years, I have a lot of inferiority, a lot of self-pity, and a lot of injuries...
Children, It's like the annual report at the year-end summary conference.
Your own value and efforts are ruthlessly trampled on without any reward. How can you accept it?
We live in a world of expression, which is the reality of the strong prey on the weak, a competition with fighting, and a society where the winner is king and the loser is bandit.
Accepting mediocrity and enjoying life seems to be a fantasy, and the ceiling is out of reach.
In such a reality, how can a mother who seems to be of little value accept a child full of problems?
Blueprint is easy to say, but it gets farther and farther away, so I looked up and looked forward to finding the answer from my faith.
In my faith, marriage has a purpose, which allows us to experience unparalleled love, which is the Eternal love .
So is my child worthy of being loved because he is worthy of being loved, or is it because I decided to love him that he is worthy and worthy?
I became my parents because of my matching?
Or is it because I have become a mother that I work hard to learn and deserve this role?
I actually came into contact with the noun of acceptance very early, but it is just a noun, never became a verb and actually appeared in my child's life.
No wonder I have paid so much, full of grievances, and my children can't see my efforts.
Acceptance means that no matter what the child is, he is my child. No matter how he performs, I am willing to forgive him and help him stand back.
The problem is that we always forgive ourselves more easily, but not others. Especially for our own children, it is difficult for us to fully accept them.
Rational tells me:
When acceptance occurs, children who disobey are worthy of love;
Children with poor grades are worthy of love;
3 Children with poor grades are worthy of love;
Children who get into trouble are worthy of love;
children who refuse to share are worthy of love;
children who have difficulty doing homework are also worthy of love...
When I define and accept this and decide to love my children, the problem is no longer a problem!
When I climbed over the mountain of accepting children, I found that I had to climb a higher mountain, that is to accept my husband!
I still remember that year I studied "Men need respect, women need love", and I began to learn to express my respect for my husband through obedience.
When I complain that he always faces me, my heart reminds me that the way two people get close, in addition to his turning towards you, there is another way that you walk towards him.
At that time, because I decided to learn to love him, regain and learn to keep the promises in the marriage hall, and accept them quietly.
The road to acceptance has just begun, and the light has shined in - the light of love!
In a flash, the "driven power of love" flashed into my mind. Then let me share a short story and a few pictures with you. This may help you better understand what the "driven power of love" is.
Mother gently held the baby's hand, and when she saw him smiled, she was filled with happiness;
The older son, who was over two years old, was jumping around on the bed with his butt, making the whole family smile;
Take care for the sick child, but didn't dare to close his eyes all night, his hair was a little messy and his face was a little pale. Looking at the sleeping child, the mother smiled. . .
Every picture is not because of what the child can do, but because the caregiver has love in his heart.
03 Unconditional love gives people a sense of security and value
This is how I think.
The relationship between husband and wife is held hands for a lifetime; the parent-child relationship is bound by life because of blood.
Will you define your future with the current husband-wife relationship? Will you define your child for your current performance?
No matter whether you couple are holding hands, shoulder to shoulder, back to back, no matter what your relationship is, the moment you walk into the marriage hall hand in hand, the one-piece relationship is already a fact, and this will not change because of some phenomena.
You can also hope for the beautiful husband and wife relationship you are looking forward to in your confidence.
You love your child, not because he did anything for you, but because he is your child, this is unconditional love.
This will give people a sense of security and value, so that they can be themselves with confidence.
Although I understand that I should love my children unconditionally, I often say that I should take it lightly and belittle them, but I just can't get out of it.
This is because we are tightly grasped by reality and the present.
so I feel very uncomfortable being tied up. I want to break free but I dare not. I am just afraid that a slack will delay the future of my child. What should I do?
. Let’s go and see the big picture.
Looking at large pictures can help us get out of this kind of bundle.
There are many choices in life, and there are also many major choices that affect them.
Look down at the moment, and we will try our best to make the best decisions at the moment.
But at some stage, the error of the decision at that time may appear and pay the price for it.
There is no way for us to always make the right decision. Because, when we bow our heads, we may not be able to figure out what is right at all.
But when we look up at the large picture, what we value most is not the right or wrong of the decision, nor will we complain about the price we pay for.
Like our family, I gave my husband the decision-making power of major decisions in the big picture, and whether I sincerely agree or not, I learn to obey and follow.
So, when some decision errors appear over time, I won't blame him.
Because, although he made the decision, it is our common decision and we must take responsibility together.
And the right choice is not that important than the process of growing up together.
Although we will pay for some decisions, we are growing and growing together!
Growth has to pay for, and I am willing to pay for my growth, not for my mistakes.
This is quite different for me who are prone to quarrels.
I don’t like to pay the price, but many important things in life need to pay the price, such as marriage, career, study, etc.
So paying for growth will allow me to learn to say "I do".
During my growth process, I like to look up at the big pictures, and it seems that I am also a good planner.
Unfortunately, there is no one at home who is with me, and I have struggled and suffered for many years.
But when I started to seek joint efforts from my family, I realized that God had prepared many groups to help me plan.
Although I am good at planning, I am not a good implementer. I am grateful that the family is full of hard-working people, parents-in-law and gentlemen are all those who are very tenacious, willing to give, physical and endurance.
Our reaction to things is so different, there are all kinds of differences, no right or wrong. Family can work hard to find a fit, this combination is just right!
04 The heart has a blueprint, and the future is promising
When you learn that you have the crystallization of love, what are your moods? Is it joy, worry, at a loss or full of confidence?
Although the child had not yet taken shape at that time, although we cannot sense his existence, we deeply believe that a small life is being conceived.
We don’t know how he grew up, we can only marvel at the wonder of life, but we believe in his existence.
Therefore, we learn what we can do and learn to pray for his peaceful birth.
Because it is invisible, we have more expectations. Although I was worried about the unexpected, I still believed in my heart that he would come to us.
After the child is born, as their lives grow, because we can see, our simple letters are getting less and less.
I believe they will have a life of what age they reach.
Especially in the first two years of children, we believe that as they grow up, they will grow teeth, sit, walk, and speak.
Because of this belief, we are not very anxious, but more about enjoying the happiness of their presence.
But when the child gets older, especially when he goes to school. Are our letters to our children still there? For the future, can we still be confident in our children?
What I want to say is that life is wonderful and terrifying, and people cannot explain it thoroughly.
No matter how uneasy the child is, no matter how disappointing the husband and in-laws are, we must look up and regain a life of faith, hope and love!
My story is about to end here. I can't help but sigh:
After walking for so long, I realized that being good at planning is my strength, and implementing it down-to-earth is my weakness.
also lamented with tears. Now, because I am looking for a joint force in my family, I find that my family is a good problem solver and practitioner.
They can help me move large pictures into reality, so I am very grateful!
Thank you for being there all the time, matching me with them in their way, helping me, The whole family works together to draw a big picture of the family!
-End-
