While climbing the mountain, a little boy might be hot. When he saw the ice cream placed in the freezer, he shouted that he wanted to eat it.
Mother began to reason with him, saying: It was too hot to climb the mountain, and suddenly eating ice cream would cause diarrhea, so I didn't buy it;
When the boy heard this, he started to roll on the tantrum. When he was excited, he took off the kettle on his body and threw it away;
Perhaps due to his face, the mother could no longer bear it, and pointed at the child with her fingers and shouted: Do you want to cry? If you want to cry, I will let you cry enough;
After that, he slapped him. After being beaten, the boy cried even louder, and he didn't forget to shout "eat ice cream" in his mouth;
Mother raised her hand and shouted sternly: Can't get up? 's implication is that if you don't get up again, you will be slapped again;
saw this, the boy got up from the ground and opened his hands to ask his mother to hug him. The mother pushed the child away and asked him: Are you still crying? Still eating ice cream?
Until the child said with a sob, "I won't eat ice cream anymore." The mother continued to walk forward with a dark face, and the boy followed her mother while wiping her tears.
Watching this scene, I really wanted to go up and hug the little boy, and said to his mother: Don’t stop the child from losing his temper. The child who dares not lose his temper is so pitiful!
01
The reason why I say this is because when I saw this mother and son, I remembered myself and my parents when I was a child.
When I was a child, I had a very bad temper. I cried and threw things when I was not happy; I would have to fight with others when I had disagreements.
Whenever I lose my temper, my father will take off the belt around my waist and beat me up; I turn to look at my mother, and my mother chooses to treat it coldly. When my father takes out the belt, she always walks out of the room tacitly.
Maybe I was often beaten by my dad. Since I was a child, I was very afraid of my dad. When I saw him, I was like a mouse or a cat. Not to mention talking to him, I would even walk around him, afraid that if I was wrong, I would be beaten again.
Seeing me so afraid of him, my father always said proudly, "Look, I still have to beat him. Now he is afraid of me, so he won't cause trouble";
but I was quickly "slapped in the face". After entering junior high school, I went to boarding school and only went home once a week. To be honest, I actually didn't want to go back once.
I left my parents, just like a bird in a cage was released. I was finally released after being beaten up by my father for so many years.
I, who is in the rebellious period, undoubtedly, have become the kind of problem child that teachers hate the most. During an argument with my classmates, I beat him to a mild concussion, and the teacher notified my parents to take me back and suspended classes for one week. After taking it back, I was beaten by my father again. That time I fought back.
In the "confrontation" with my father, I picked up the fruit knife on the table, scratched my father's finger in a hurry, and blood flowed all over the floor.
And my mother was also scared by this scene and hurried over to dissuade her. That time I yelled in front of my parents: From childhood to adulthood, whenever I make mistakes or lose my temper, you only know how to hit me and shy my face;
You always say that I have a bad temper, it all comes from you, you are the culprit;
Now that I have grown up, you can't beat me at any time; I have to go to a university far away in the future, just to stay away from you...
The atmosphere of the whole family fell to freezing point, my father called me an "unfilial son" every day, and my mother cried all day long. Seeing them like this, I felt an inexplicable sense of excitement.
Dad originally wanted to stop me from losing my temper by beating, but my negative emotions were suppressed under my father's repeated beatings, but the suppressed temper would not disappear.
One day, it will explode, and the energy that bursts out either attack yourself inward, which will cause depression to become hurt; it will cause attacks others outside, which will cause harm to yourself.
Now I am a father, but I have a bad relationship with my parents, especially my father, who hardly talks much...
02
Wenwen's father uses his own personal experience to tell parents that they must not suppress their children's temper. When a child loses his temper, it is better to "avoid the limelight" instead of "confronting him head-on".
star Sun Li once posted a message to share: When faced with a child losing his temper, give him a hug, not preaching... Try to let him vent his vent. Only when negative emotions are vented can the inner peace be restored in time.
allows children to vent their emotions, but it does not mean that they will make children lose their temper without any bottom line. For parents, every time their children lose their temper, it is a good opportunity to guide them to manage their emotions.
Wenwen's father once encountered this scene in the mall: the child wanted to eat grilled sausages and begged his mother to buy it. But my mother thought the grilled sausage was unhealthy, so she didn't agree to buy it.
Then the child began to roll on and even punched and kicked the mother. But the mother did not say aloud, but walked to the child about 10 meters away and looked at the child quietly.
After a while, the child stopped crying. At this time, the mother came over, picked up the child and said gently: Baby, mom is sorry for making you so angry just now. I respect your feelings, but I cannot accept your way of rolling around. Whenever you do something similar in the future, I will walk away for a while.
Mom loves you very much and cares about your health, so she disagrees with buying grilled sausages for you. Mom is happy to work with you to find other ways to deal with your anger. We can concentrate on thinking about what other foods you want to eat besides grilled sausages, which ones are also healthy foods you want to eat...
Wen's father felt it was very heartwarming and proud of his child having such a mother! It does not suppress children's negative emotions, but can guide children in time and learn to control their emotions.
03
What should parents do when their children lose their temper?
① Let the child vent negative emotions to the fullest
When the child loses his temper, parents should not be busy stopping or reasoning. The reason at this time will only be "adding fuel to the fire".
Children are difficult to control their emotions due to immature development of the cerebral cortex, when the emotions come up. What parents need to do is to provide children with channels for their emotions, such as crying to the fullest, punching sandbags, and finding an empty place to shout loudly.
②From the child's perspective, help him relieve his emotions
Children will not lose their temper for no reason. Every time they lose their temper, they have something to ask for in their hearts.
And parents may as well stand on the child's standpoint and provide them with what they want as they think. If their hearts are satisfied, the child will gain spiritual peace.
③ Parents should set an example and take the lead in controlling their temper tantrums
Parenting expert Li Meijin Teacher said that when a child loses his temper at you, parents' first reaction should not say "Why are you so annoying?", but should reflect: where do I need to adjust.
As the saying goes: Children are copies of parents! If your child wants to manage his emotions well, parents should set an example and not lose their temper at will.
In short, when the child loses his temper, parents should not be busy stopping it. Otherwise, suppressing the child's emotions for a long time will eventually either hurt himself or hurt him.
