For children, we often have some stereotypes, especially for gender.
We will default to boys who are naughty and difficult to manage; we think girls are gentle, obedient and sensible. Therefore, we often use these stereotyped cognitions to educate our children, but we do not realize that such education is actually constantly hurting children and even taking them on wrong paths.
Raising a son. Whenever you want to say these words, must think twice about restraining yourself, because every word may slowly destroy the child.
The first sentence "Boys get up late, and they will get better when they get older."
When facing boys with poor academic performance, we often hear this sentence "Boys, they get up late, and they will get better in junior high school. Girls have no energy, and they won't be able to keep up in junior high school."
So many parents are still very playful when facing primary school and have poor grades. They always look very open-minded and comfort themselves just waiting for junior high school to get up.
However, many parents of boys who were waiting for the flowers to bloom found that their children not only "unable" after they arrived in junior high school, but they even failed to pass the high school entrance exam, so they stomped their feet and regretted it.
Indeed, brain scientists point out that there are big differences in brain structure between boys and girls. The left brain of boys children develops slowly than girls since the fetus period; the area area of the brain responsible for language is 20%-30% larger than that of women; when girls can think at the same time with both sides of the brain hemispheres, boys can only think with one side of the brain hemisphere.
Therefore, boys are generally not as good as girls in various abilities such as writing, reciting, language expression, and reading comprehension.
However, "too late to learn" is not a reason for boys to learn!
"The boy is late to get enlightened", it is just that lazy parents are making excuses for themselves and their children and comforting themselves. , especially children who often hear this sentence, will keep telling themselves, "Wait a little longer, just wait until I get to know it", so they continue to play wildly with peace of mind.
Smart parents will not use "too late to enlightenment" as an excuse. Even if their children's grades are behind, they will help their children accumulate in all aspects in primary school, such as taking their children to read, playing thinking games, and cultivating various good habits...
Only in this way can children who accumulate continuously in the early stage be able to learn in junior high school;
And those parents who are waiting for their children to "get enlightenment" in the end will only get disappointment.
The second sentence "You are a boy, why are you crying!"
"You are a boy, why are you crying!"
"You are a boy, what are you hugging!"
"You are a boy, what are you hugging!"
"You can't be a man!"
The parents of boys like to say these words to their children very much. In our stereotyped cognition, boys should be strong and brave, not afraid of bleeding or sweating. So when we see a boy shouting "pain" and crying, we think that the child is useless and tells him to hold back and not cry.
Whether boys or girls are afraid, sad, and wronged. They all yearn for comfort and care from their parents, and cannot treat them differently because of their gender.
In the book "The Road Boys Shouldn't Take", American psychologist Thompson pointed out: "Traditional culture's stereotyped concepts of men prevent boys from admitting their emotions and hindering the emotional development of boys. It is a wrong emotional education behavior that guides boys to stay away from their own hearts."
Boys who do not allow crying have very poor empathy when they grow up. They are emotionally indifferent and lack basic empathy towards others.
Some boys who are overly suppressed will even experience emotional distortion due to excessive suppression and become psychologically perverted.
Don’t think that boys should be born tough guys!
When a boy cries, what we need to do is not to suppress it, but to allow the child to release his emotions, learn to face his own emotions, and learn to deal with bad emotions.
Only children who learn emotional management will have stable emotions in the future, mental health, high emotional intelligence, and responsible.
The third sentence "What kind of work do you do if you are a boy?"
Traditional concept believes that housework should belong to women, and most men are hand-off bosses. Once the boy was involved in housework, the parents shouted and rushed them away.
The boys who were taken care of by their parents lost their basic ability to live. They would not take care of themselves, did not know how to be grateful to their parents, and would even affect the way they get along with others.
After getting married, men disappeared in doing housework and taking care of their children. In " widowed marriage ", the father who was wearing clothes and food made his mother exhausted, making the child lack fatherly love and family conflicts continued.
Harvard University scholars once conducted a survey, pointing out that compared with children who love to do housework, the employment rate after adulthood is 15:1 and the crime rate is 1:10.
Children who love to do housework have a higher mental health index and family happiness index.
In terms of academics, children who often do housework often perform better.
A boy who can do housework, loves life, he always cleans the house and never fools him when eating. Such boys often have a high quality of life and are healthy.
A boy who can do housework is grateful to his parents, They can understand their hard work, respect and understand their parents more.
A boy who can do housework , his marriage life is happy, , he will not be petty about housework with his wife, and he will also do it himself in parenting, so that the child will feel more secure.
Tolstoy said: If a person knows how to work and how to love, then he will have a better life.
If you hope your son will be happier in the future, don’t say “You are a boy, what’s your job?” when he does housework!
The fourth sentence "Our family is a boy, and we don't suffer losses"
"My family is a boy, and we don't suffer losses."
All the parents of boys who have such thoughts are selfish and stupid!
They turn a blind eye to the physiological changes of boys, and even think that even if they cause trouble, first, he is still a child, and second, "We are boys and don't lose money."
Boys who grew up in such a family are disrespectful to women and are mentally vulgar. They become bold and reckless from a little bit of temptation, and are easy to embarrass the path of crime.
in the TV series " Little Joy ". Faced with his son's "early love", Fang Yuan and his wife were preparing to teach their son a lesson. Fang Yuan told his son that you must remember two things:
- . Know how to respect and love women. Doing anything must first obtain the girl's consent. . You must know how to control your desires.
We often tell girls to learn to protect themselves, but forget to teach boys how to respect women.
Respect women, start with father respecting mothers, helps mothers do housework, understands the hard work of mothers raising children, cares about mothers, and sets a good example for their sons. Let your son understand that no matter when, he or she should maintain respect for women and cultivate children with correct character and correct views.
The more you reach puberty, the more parents should pay attention to the physical and psychological development of the boy. , especially fathers, should chat with their son more and guide their children's emotions in a timely manner.
Especially if you find that your son has an early love relationship, you must say some things in advance, and don’t feel embarrassed. It will be too late to wait for the consequences to happen!
educator Steve said: Boys need firm and friendly leaders to grow into tough and responsible men.
It is actually not easy to raise a boy. There are many small details in it. If you are not careful, it may affect his growth. Therefore, as parents, we must realize what is right and what is wrong, and be his correct leader in the right way.
