Recently, a parent shared his troubles with Duomei:
talks to his children at home, and the children often don’t respond. Sometimes they raise the volume and say it several times but don’t hear it. In the end, they can only rely on “yelling”. At this time, the child slowly looked up and asked, “What did you say just now?” Why is this happening to
? Let me talk to you today.
Did the child pretend to be inaudible?
Many times, he really didn't mean it. Compared with adults, children are actually very naive. Generally, they don’t deliberately pretend not to hear, unless they really don’t want to respond when they are in an emotional state. There are usually three reasons why children cannot hear it:
1 Can't understand
Adults often have unclear instructions when they speak. At this time, the child cannot understand it and cannot react to the next step.
For example: Parents ask their children to clean up the room, but just tell them: "Your room is so messy, clean up quickly." Because the child's frontal lobe is not mature and his ability to execute the plan is not perfect, cleaning up the room becomes difficult for him.
So, after a while, the parents found that the child had no movement, and would ask again, "Did you hear me when I told you to clean up the room?" The child may have heard it, but he doesn't know what to do.
In daily life, parents should give their children more clear instructions, such as: your room is so messy, please clean it up quickly. You pick up the books on the floor and put them on the table, put the socks on the bed into the closet, throw used tissues on the table into the trash can, and so on.
2 Insufficient attention distribution ability
People's attention is limited, especially for preschool children, it is difficult to achieve "one-hearted and two-way use", especially when children do things that they are very interested in.
For example, when a child is drawing seriously and you are talking to the child in a distance, he will easily ignore this information. This is a matter of child's attention distribution.
Attention distribution refers to the individual pointing attention to two or more different objects or activities at the same time.
If at least one of them is to be very skilled, and even reach the level of automation. For example, some children are already very skilled in building blocks. If you ask them to build blocks and sing while singing, they can do it.
If a child who has never played the Rubik's Cube and is deeply attracted by the Rubik's Cube, and sings while playing the Rubik's Cube, he will be unable to complete the singing because he is immersed in the Rubik's Cube, because the stimulation intensity of the Rubik's Cube is higher.
3 Listening selection ability
"In cocktail parties with noisy sounds, there are music, conversation sounds, footsteps, collision sounds of wine glasses and tableware, etc. When someone focuses on enjoying music or other people's conversations and deaf ears to the noisy sounds around him, if someone mentions his name in another place, he will react immediately."
This phenomenon is " cocktail party effect ", which refers to a person's listening selection ability. In a noisy environment, we can focus on a person's conversation and ignore other conversations or noises in the background.
From this effect, we can draw a little inspiration, that is, when talking to children, make good use of words that can attract children's attention. For example:
Originally: "Go and wash your hands quickly, we are ready to have a meal."
is changed to: "XX (child's name), be careful, stop playing, go and wash your hands first, we are ready to have a meal."
When an adult talks to his child, if he does not call the child's name first, the child may automatically block this information. If the name is added, the child will promptly capture the parents' instructions.
In addition, if parents always nag too much, children will also selectively block information.
Parents do this so that their children can respond at any time
Change the tone of speaking
Reduce criticism, accusations and preaching to children, and do the following in the process of communicating with children:
● The content of the speech should be simple, specific and clear;
● Control your emotions and focus on communication;
● Communication as an equal identity is not trying to suppress them as parents;
● Children should also respond in a timely manner when they speak to themselves;
● Avoid always emphasizing that if you have not adjusted after you have said something three times, you should change the method.
Make good use of body language
After understanding the child's attention distribution problem, parents may as well walk to their children before expressing themselves, squat down as much as possible, look straight with their children, pat their shoulders, and ensure that their children's attention is on you, and communicate with them when the child looks in your eyes.
Change the way of speaking
More on the child's standpoint to express more suggestions and encouragement, such as:
☼ Change "If you don't obey...I'll..." to "I hope you... that way..."
☼ Change "You must... Otherwise I won't care about you anymore!" to "If you can't...I'll be sad"
☼ Change "You finish it for me quickly" to "I think you can complete it after working hard"
Parents should be clear that the purpose of our communication is to make children willing to cooperate and complete this matter. Negation and criticism are of no use to the results we want.
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