How to establish a healthy parent-child relationship? Maintaining regular contact is one of the important factors.
01 Recently, the second chapter of "Handling the water Margin " "Shi Dalang's night walks to Huayin County Lu Zhishen punches Town Guanxi " said, "Since ancient times, far away, far away, close together." This sentence translates into vernacular: It means that if you don’t stay together often, you will become increasingly distant, and if you are often together, you will become increasingly close. It points out the importance of frequent sexual contact to relationships.
There are many such examples in reality. "The bride is married, the groom is not me", this is the theme song of the Indian movie " on the road to love". The original meaning of the episode "Aachen Khulna" is "burning love fire", and the Chinese translation is wrongly translated as "The bride is married, and the groom is not me." Although it goes against its original intention, it is very popular. Many domestic singers have performed singing, including , Yunfei, , etc.
However, this kind of thing is not groundless. Ayun and Ayuan are a couple from the mountain village. They were childhood sweethearts and had no guesses since childhood. Almost everyone around them believed that they would be with them for the rest of their lives. After graduating from junior high school, Ayun and Ayuan left their hometown one after another and worked as a companion to make a living in Taipei City. According to the law, Ayuan is going to serve in the military. Before leaving, Ayun reluctantly posted 1,096 envelope stamps overnight. 1096, that was three years when they could only pass on the letters by the wild geese. After A Yuan joined the army and served in the military, A Yun gradually alienated this relationship while waiting day after day. After 700 letters, an "mutine" occurred in the army. The relatives in my hometown all prayed for A Yuan’s news in fear, but Ayun couldn’t bear the loneliness and eventually fell in love with others. The groom is the postman who helps them deliver letters every day.
This is the story told in the Taiwanese movie "Dust in the Wind" directed by Hou Hsiao-hsien in 1987. Although it is a movie, the plot is not fictional. The story prototype of " Lianlian Fengchen " itself is the experience of screenwriter Wu Nianzhen himself.
02 Festinger study proximity is one of the influencing factors of interpersonal attraction. Festinger's research proves this.
Festinger is an American social psychologist. The cognitive dissonance theory he proposed has a great influence. He won the Outstanding Scientific Contribution Award from the American Psychological Society in 1959 and was elected as an academician of the National Academy of Sciences in 1972.
While working at MIT , Fistinger conducted a special investigation - contact and interpersonal relationships.
Festinger's survey subject was the interactions between residents in a residential community. The community has 17 independent two-story buildings, each with 10 units, and each unit has almost the same style. Residents cannot decide where to live, where they are allocated where they have available apartments. When they first came in, the residents were not familiar with each other. After a period of time, the researchers' findings showed that, first, they interact more with people living nearby and are more likely to become friends. In fact, most doors are only 5.8 meters away, while the farthest door is only 27 meters away. However, on the same floor, 41% of the residents were mentioned to be willing to interact with residents, and 21% were the neighbors with one door, while only 10% were mentioned at the end of the corridor. Second, compared with residents living on different floors, residents living on the same floor are more likely to become friends. Research shows that the closer people live, the easier it is for people to become friends.
The research of other psychologists has also verified this theory. The reason is that proximity increases the frequency of 's frequent contact with , and then the level of familiarity. The more familiar you are, the more likely you are to like. In addition, the closer people are, the more convenient and the cost they receive for social rewards.
03 Shen Teng "Grab seats" and parents' five-level Maintaining regular contact has an important impact on the establishment of interpersonal relationships. Parent-child relationship is also a type of interpersonal relationship. Maintaining regular contact between parents and children is very important for a good parent-child relationship.
In modern families, there is a phenomenon: under the same roof, father and son are like passers-by. The father is busy every day for life, and the child is busy from morning to night for homework.It was late at night, and the father and son fell asleep exhausted, and often they could not meet. This is how Shen Teng and his son described in the sketch "Seals". As a salesperson of the company, Shen Teng is busy with business during the day and accompanying customers at night. From morning to night, he is so busy that he doesn't meet his children, even making jokes. Starting from the new semester, Shen Teng came to the classroom to grab seats for his children. His son has been promoted to the third grade, and Shen Teng is still racking his brains to fight with other parents for seats in the second grade classroom. This phenomenon is attracting more and more social attention. The article "Education Reform must start with the family" in the People's Daily proposed that there are five levels of parents, which emphasizes the need to set time for children. The five levels of parents include:
The first level: Be willing to spend money on your children.
The second level: Be willing to spend time for your children.
Level 3: Parents begin to think about the goals of education.
The fourth level: parents improve and improve themselves in order to educate their children.
Level 5: Parents do their best to support and encourage their children to become the best themselves, and also set an example to support their children to become their true selves.
If the third to fifth levels are a bit difficult for parents, the second level is still realistic and feasible. It is recommended that parents often reflect on themselves. In addition to being willing to spend money on their children, will you also spend time on their children? ( Yang Xuexian )
