Introduction: "PUA" is a new word that makes sneer . People with an open mind cannot see this despicable act of emotional manipulation , but it is undeniable that there are indeed many adults who suffer from it. It harms and passively becomes the object of manipulation.
In emotional relationships, people who are PUAd are always denied blindly, and their life value is always devalued as worthless. What makes people feel even more incredible is that when PUA is in progress, People who have been PUAed with have no idea about .
People who have been hurt by PUA will be left with an indelible psychological shadow, and at the same time their values will be subverted and collapsed. When PUA makes people difficult to guard against, parents should also think more about it and train their children to become "anti-PUA experts". This may not be a successful demonstration of family education.
Xiao Ai is a very outstanding female college student. She comes from a family and goes to a prestigious school. She is a proper "other people's child" in the eyes of her classmates. But even though she was so good, after encountered an emotional PUA, she still fell deeply into 's "self-deprecating" inferiority complex and couldn't extricate herself.
Xiao Ai's boyfriend is far inferior to her in terms of appearance and academic qualifications, but this does not prevent her boyfriend from turning Xiao Ai into the target of his PUA. My boyfriend always "teaches" Xiao Ai from time to time, "You are too vulgar to dress like this", "Your emotional intelligence is too low", "Your thoughts are really childish" Similar comments are full of derogatory comments. is always spoken easily by boyfriends.
Xiao Ai was not satisfied with her boyfriend's evaluation at first, but her boyfriend said firmly , " I am trying to make you better . If you don't want to be strong, then nothing I say will be of any use!" The condescending tone and attitude of her boyfriend slowly made Xiao Ai have self-doubt. She believed that she was not good enough. Xiao Ai tried her best to "transform" herself. She hoped that she could become the perfect person in her boyfriend's mind.
But no matter how much Xiao Ai compromises and accommodates, her boyfriend can always find more "deficiencies". Her boyfriend's attacks and denials get worse day by day, and Xiao Ai's mood gets worse day by day. When Xiao Ai angrily said to her friends, " I am not worthy of him, and I am useless without him", friends were very surprised. They didn't understand what experience was for such an outstanding person. What makes become so humble as and .
Fortunately, Xiao Ai finally understood her boyfriend's PUA tricks with the guidance of her friends, and decisively separated herself from this bad emotional relationship. After getting rid of her boyfriend's emotional manipulation, Xiao Ai finally showed her bright smile again. When looked back at , the boyfriend who was once regarded as a god by her was nothing more than an ordinary ordinary person. Just .
How miserable are the experiences of people who have been harmed by PUA?
Robin Stern elaborated on this relationship between the manipulator and the manipulated in "The Gaslight Effect" . The manipulator is always the right , they can easily subvert the one being manipulated. The manipulator has the original view of right and wrong, and the person being manipulated can only judge right and wrong based on the manipulator's ideological guidance.
People who are PUA can never escape the curse of self-denial. They cannot see the advantages in themselves. The negative comments from the manipulator will make them unable to have the ability to build self-confidence. If they are allowed to be suppressed and belittled by the controller, they can only be led by others. Without self, they place the value of their existence entirely on the controller.
What is even more frightening is that people who are PUA are unaware of themselves in this kind of mentally abusive environment. They constantly lower the bottom line to get a little recognition from the other party . They are constantly reflecting on themselves and always living in Negative and pessimistic emotional state in . Depression, frustration, anxiety, confusion and a series of other bad emotional expressions have become a burden in their daily lives.
PUA does not only exist in the relationship between the sexes. Only by staying alert can you not get hurt.
The disgusting PUA does not only exist in the emotional relationship between the sexes. . In the workplace, , leaders who are good at teaching people. are likely to be the operators in PUA. Or, in order to achieve the purpose of destroying the original self-evaluation system of the manipulated person, any small mistake will be continuously amplified, and the devaluation of personal self-worth will be said to be natural.
In social , people who are accustomed to attacking and denying others may be running a PUA. Although they say is "for your own good" , in fact they are secretly belittling the other party . When social relationships become a kind of bargaining chip for emotional blackmail, the person being manipulated is like a fish on a knife, and blindly trying to please may not win the other party's approval.
So staying alert is a way of self-protection. When you find yourself in a passive state in a certain relationship, might as well try to ask yourself, "Is this the way you want to get along?" "Is this the way you want to get along?" "Is it possible to change the way we get along?" "What have you gained from such a relationship?" , when these series of questions can only get negative feedback, then it is imperative to end the PUA.
What can parents do to give their children the ability and confidence to refuse PUA when they grow up?
. Do not regard suppression and belittling as a "magic weapon" to establish parental authority
Children who are used to being suppressed and belittled by their parents are prone to be passive in a relationship. lack of opinion they are more likely to be influenced by other people's ideas. Children who are accustomed to being "obedient" cannot have a firm sense of right and wrong, which makes them more likely to be manipulated in a PUA. Parents who know how to respect their children's ideas give them more opportunities to express themselves, and this helps them strengthen themselves .
. Pay attention to the cultivation of children's self-confidence and establish a pertinent self-evaluation.
Children who are not confident enough can easily become sensitive and have low self-esteem. Pay attention to self-evaluation, and be more able to consciously screen and judge the evaluation of others. When children establish a pertinent self-evaluation system, "unreasonable" negative reviews from the outside world cannot be easily shaken.
. Give children true unconditional love and improve the quality and standards of love
In " Round Table School " some scholars mentioned that people who are prone to PUA often ignore their truest emotional feedback and suppress their truest self. Emotion . As for children who lack love since childhood, they learn to suppress their own needs early, which also makes it easier for them to settle in PUA.
Only if parents are willing to give their children enough love, then the response of unconditional love will make their children understand the true meaning of love. The enjoyment of high-quality love raises the threshold of children's cognition of love , so that they will not be easily satisfied by pitifully little love.
PUA's behavior is shameful, but there is no doubt that some people use such techniques to harm others. It is always good to stay vigilant. Pay attention to the satisfaction of your children's love from an early age. This is what parents should really do to "plan far."
Conclusion:
PUA's emotional control can easily occur in relationships with obvious strengths and weaknesses, so parents should also remind themselves not to become the manipulator in family relationships. If children live under their parents' PUA when they are young, then when they grow up, they will not have the ability to control themselves and their lives, and they will only become the targets of PUA.
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