picture source network, sex education short film
vol 2800
Spanish "El Mundo" once reported that: 90% of people with mental disabilities have been sexually assaulted, and minors with mental disabilities are 1.7 times more likely to be sexually assaulted than other people.
According to Supreme People's Court statistics, in the four years from 2013 to 2016, courts across the country concluded 10,782 child sexual abuse cases. This translates to an average of more than 7 child sexual abuse cases every day. Children with mental disabilities are often at high risk of sexual assault due to their poor self-protection ability.
has been engaged in sex education for children with mental disabilities for 12 years. Teacher Su Yanwen has also experienced many cases: a girl with mental disabilities suffered from sexual assault and suffered from schizophrenia because she did not know how to express her pain; 8 girls with mental disabilities became pregnant. Yuecai was discovered by her family, but she couldn't tell who the child's father was; an adolescent boy with mental retardation, who had nowhere to relieve his sexual impulses, ran to the street and touched girls, and was beaten up as a gangster...
Today, we Please ask Teacher Su Yanwen to discuss this topic with you. Teacher Su once worked in the only sex education charity organization for children with mental disabilities in China. She is one of the founders and chief lecturer of the Guangzhou Love Growth Comprehensive Sex Education Class.
Sex education cannot be postponed until adolescence
When it comes to sex education, many parents will think that this is an issue that needs attention only in adolescence. In fact, this is not the case. Many children who have sexual behavior problems in adolescence have no help from their parents from the beginning. They establish clear social boundaries.
For example: A 15-year-old mentally retarded boy A frequently engages in inappropriate behavior because he likes the other person. He often kisses the other person, touches the other person's body when the other person is not paying attention, and even insists on sleeping on the other person's lap...
After the incident happened, the parents began to set social rules for A: for example, he could not touch strangers, and he could express his love in other ways... But it is difficult to teach him at this age, and little A needs more time to understand and adapt. these rules.
If from the beginning, we educate adults according to the social norms required to integrate into society, these problems will not occur. Therefore, I would like to emphasize the importance of early sex education for children with mental disabilities, preferably starting at around 3 years old. What does
teach? Teach them real life skills, privacy education and skills improvement to help them better integrate into society.
Self-care skills : such as toilet training, changing clothes independently;
Privacy education : protecting one's own privacy, not invading other people's privacy, adolescent physiological knowledge, etc.;
permeability education in life : daily social etiquette norms, and others How to get along with (opposite sex), communicate and express, etc.
Divided by age, these educations can also be divided into two stages.
Small children: focus on privacy and social interaction
Specifically, there are the following 5 points:
Respect children’s body rights
Especially for children with mental disabilities under 3 years old, parents should respect their body rights and not be free in public. Exposing their private parts (such as urinating in the street). Otherwise, when these bad behaviors become habits, children will no longer care about civilization and privacy if they have similar physiological needs.
Choose scientific vocabulary
When describing body functions, reproductive organs or sex-related topics, use scientific terms and well-known vocabulary as much as possible. This allows children to learn relevant knowledge and communicate with others without confusing word meanings. For example, use "penis" instead of "cock".
Learn to refuse close contact
Especially when children do not have much social awareness and ideas, parents must have the courage to be the "bad guy". For example, some strangers, teachers, relatives, elders, etc. like to hug and kiss their children. If parents acquiesce every time, then the children will easily ignore the physical boundaries, become victims easily, and do not understand when they have been violated.
Moreover, if a child thinks he likes someone, he can hug him or her at will. However, after puberty, he or she will easily behave inappropriately and cause many problems. Parents should tell their children that their bodies belong to them. If others want to touch them, they must get our permission. They can also guide their children to express their love by shaking hands and other means.
Picture source: the movie "Sowon"
Understanding private parts, private places, and public places
If children have mastered the names of private parts, understanding private parts is a very simple matter. You can use picture books, books, human body diagrams (preferably not real pictures or cartoon pictures) to help children understand their private parts, as shown in the picture:
Source: provided by the interviewee
Teach according to the child's ability. If the child is temporarily unable to learn Regarding specific private parts, you can first tell your children that the areas covered by underwear and swimsuits are private parts. Strictly abide by the regulations on private parts, such as not letting others touch them at will, not talking about your own and other people's private parts with others, and not staring at other people's private parts.
It should be noted that whether it is a boy or a girl, the private parts of both genders must be learned, because we must not only teach children to protect themselves, but also learn to identify other people's private parts and not offend others.
Privacy places and public places require parents to spend energy and time to guide them.
First of all, , clarify with your children the private places at home, public places, and private places that are unique to the individual, such as the bedroom. Children with mental disabilities have limited cognitive abilities and sometimes cannot understand "yours" and "mine." Parents can Print out photos of the owners of different bedrooms and stick them on the door to help children build a sense of room privacy.
can also discuss with children the conditions for privacy places, encourage children to check whether privacy has been disclosed in required privacy places, and train children to habitually look in the mirror and check their appearance, such as "the door to the room is not closed" and "I see you." "My underwear is exposed" etc.
Secondly, , respect the rules of private places, such as knocking on the door to enter other people's private spaces, and do appropriate activities in private places.
For example: Mom helps Xiaobao take off his clothes.
Privacy place selection: Xiaobao’s room.
Privacy Rules: Close the room and draw the curtains.
Mom’s narration guidance:
“The room is your private space. When changing clothes, we have to protect your private parts from being seen. But because you can’t undress independently yet, you need your mother’s assistance. Your mother just closed the door and closed it too. The curtains..."
Finally , explain public places to children, especially emphasize the presence of others in public places, remind them of the behavioral norms they need to abide by, parents can print pictures and photo albums of public places frequented by children , keep repeating the reminder.
Establish a social circle
Many children with mental disabilities may not understand the meaning of social circles, and parents should consciously help their children distinguish them. As shown in the figure below:
white circle: children;
green circle: blood relatives living together;
orange circle: interacting relatives, friends and professionals;
red circle: strangers.
Different circles follow corresponding social rules to help children understand behavioral boundaries. For example, people in the green circle can hug, kiss foreheads, hold hands, etc. If the child's ability is relatively weak, focus on teaching the green circle and the red circle. As the number of children socializing increases, the yellow circle and the orange circle will be gradually added.
Note : Color social circles and traffic light rules are unified: green represents "passage", red represents "prohibition" or "warning", these are also unified norms in life.
Depending on the child's ability, the social circle can be replaced with different expressions to help children better understand and accept social boundaries, such as:
- Children have better mathematical logical thinking and can use numbers instead of colors. The green circle represents the number 1 and the yellow circle represents 2. .....and so on, 1 means "closest" to the child, 4 means "farthest" from the child.
- Children with mental disabilities are usually visual thinkers. They can paste images of people and social scenes they come into contact with most in their lives in different circles to repeatedly visually remind them of their social concepts during the holidays.
- recommends parents to use on-site simulation and situational teaching. A social circle map is laid out, and each character (the group the child comes into contact with the most) actually steps on the color module, allowing children to know in a three-dimensional way what social contacts can be had in different circles and provide immediate feedback.
Adolescent children: Sexual needs are very important
After entering adolescence, children with mental disabilities should pay attention to the following points:
Understand physical changes
For example, observe changes in height, body muscles and fat. Many children are beginning to develop secondary sexual characteristics . Parents should break down each step into smaller and more detailed goals, focusing on teaching them the skills to deal with specific matters, such as how to use sanitary napkins, cleaning genitals, etc.
Pay attention to privacy, hygiene and diseases
Entering adolescence, children's physical development is rapid, and sexual distress problems will occur frequently, such as sensitivity to touch, inability to adapt to underwear made of certain materials, inflamed private parts caused by not paying attention to hygiene, and inappropriate underwear. to the genitals, and if they are unable to express these discomforts, it may manifest through inappropriate behavior. Therefore, parents need to pay special attention.
Effective communication methods
When communicating with parents of older children with mental disabilities, many parents have these confusions:
"How to solve their inappropriate physical contact with the opposite sex?"
"Children always like to hug others casually, although I know he is Express kindness. "
" Children follow others because they like it. "
...
The essence of these problems is the difference in communication methods. Ordinary people will use appropriate methods to express their feelings when in contact with the opposite sex. Children with mental disabilities themselves communicate. His ability is weak and it is difficult to establish good social relationships with the people around him. Therefore, instead of changing their behavior to deal with the problem, it is better to guide them to learn to contact, get along with and establish friendship with the opposite sex.
Treat and guide masturbation correctly
Many parents are very worried about their children's masturbation. You can think about it first, what are we worried about:
Improper intensity harming the body?
Being disliked by others in public?
Don’t know how to deal with the aftermath?
Or is it more common that masturbation is considered shameful?
Therefore, what parents need to solve in many cases is not "what to do when children masturbate", but "teach them to respect their privacy in appropriate places, know how to clean their bodies, and change their underwear..."
If children Know how to protect privacy, and in a safe and comfortable environment, parents should also respect their children's sexual needs.
When it comes to sex education, the most common reaction from parents is::
Afraid of trouble. When children are young, intervention is often the first goal. When inappropriate behavior occurs in adolescence, they only think about how to make up for it.
is afraid that it will be too difficult. There are no resources, no support, and no way to start.
Afraid of embarrassment, worried that the child's problems will embarrass oneself...
These are unnecessary. If we can adopt a calm and equal attitude when talking about sex education, then our children will definitely get more support and protection. We cannot leave this matter to others. After all, parents are the closest people to their children. We can't just rely on one or two courses. Sex education should be integrated into their daily lives and practice generalization through constant repetition.
interactive welfare
recommend several books suitable for sex education for children with mental disabilities
If you are a parent , we recommend:
"Guide to Sex Education for Children with Intellectual Disabilities: Correct Understanding of Body, Boundaries and Sex"
"Welcome My puberty and development Handbook for the Growth of Boys with Disabilities"
"Welcome My Puberty. The Handbook for the Growth of Girls with Developmental Disabilities"
If you are a teacher/social worker , suggestions:
"Sex Education Lesson Plans for Children with Physical Functional Disabilities"
"Sex Education Lesson Plans for Children with Developmental Disabilities" Collection》
Written and edited by Meisha
｜Pippipa
