introduction: Today, a mother in the community chatted with me and talked about some things about raising children. From her tone full of complaints and grievances, she revealed the sadness of many stay-at-home mothers, and also gave people some I have summarized my thoughts on in family education, hoping it will be helpful to mothers in similar situations.
This precious mother met me downstairs in the community, so I said to find a place to sit. So we sat down on a bench under the shade of a tree.
She said that being a mother is hard, and being a good mother is even harder.
I asked her why she felt this way and whether she was under too much pressure recently.
The more she talked, the angrier she became, wanting to vent all the grievances in her heart. When it comes to excitement, it seems like tears are welling up in my eyes.
She said that people think that it is easy for a woman to take care of her children at home, and she does not need to go to work to make money, take care of her children and do housework. What is so tiring about this.
When she felt tired, she said that her husband didn't understand her, and she couldn't understand why she was so pretentious. Is it hard for you to raise a child by yourself? This is how everyone is here.
She said that she had been a stay-at-home mother for a while and realized that taking care of children was not easy at all. She felt that her heart was in a state of high tension most of the time.
The child is healthy, safe and well, but sometimes if the child accidentally knocks, touches or gets sick, the whole family will say how you are a mother and you can't even take care of the child.
At this time, I will feel very wronged, but I don’t know where to express my pain.
Sometimes, when a child is naughty outside, people will say that the mother is too unqualified to let her child make trouble.
Sometimes when a child doesn't study well and doesn't do his homework, the teacher will talk to the mother and ask the mother to take more care of the child's study. As a mother, it seems like I have never cared about my children's studies.
Especially when it comes to managing children, you have to have a certain degree of control. If it doesn't work if you let it go, the child won't have any strength at all. And if the control is strict, there will be discussions upstairs and downstairs: The mother next door beats and scolds the child every day, which is terrible.
If you help your children with their homework, your children can drive you crazy. If you don't help your children with their homework, they'll say you're irresponsible to your children. Anyway, I'm in a dilemma and I don't know what to do.
I asked her, where is the child’s father? Doesn’t he help take care of the child?
She said that the child's father had to go to work, so he felt that it was hard for him to go to work. When he came back from get off work, he would not take care of the child. He would just lie on the sofa and play with his mobile phone.
Sometimes, the child wants his father to play with him for a while, but the father also stares at the phone and talks to the child, and his attitude is very perfunctory, which makes me angry.
I asked her, does the child’s father occasionally help with cooking or other housework?
Where can she find it? He is a hands-off shopkeeper at home. He thinks that he is the hero of the family since he went to work. We all depend on him for food, so he thinks that he is the boss.
...
The chat with this mother, although just a casual chat, summarized the following points, which can give people thoughts and insights:
1, the mother does not realize her own value
It can be clearly felt that the mother is very unhappy, It's very aggrieved, otherwise she wouldn't have so many complaints.
Generally, such a woman feels that her sense of existence is very low. She thinks that she is just taking care of her children and not making any money, so she does not recognize herself from the bottom of her heart. She doubts her abilities, denies her own value, and puts herself before her husband. Due to the unequal status, I dare not discuss with my husband to let him participate in child care.
As time goes by, the husband thinks that taking care of the children is the mother’s business and has nothing to do with him. Therefore, the child's father became a hands-off shopkeeper. As a result, this mother has accumulated too much disappointment and dissatisfaction with her marriage and her husband, but she is unable to alleviate this situation.
2. Mom cares too much about other people’s opinions.
This mother cares too much about other people’s opinions, which only adds a lot of trouble to herself. In fact, it is important to live your own life, why care about what others say.
3. The child lacks the company of his father.
It is obvious that she, as the mother, is the only one in her family to take care of the child. The father of the child goes to work early and comes home late. Moreover, he does not care about the child even after he returns home. Such a child spends most of the time They are with their mothers. Such children are more dependent on their mothers.
If a father neglects his children for a long time, the children will feel disappointed because they cannot get the father's love, make the children doubt themselves, and create a sense of insecurity and trust.
Ms. Hong Lan, PhD in Psychology, once said: "From the perspective of human evolution, the mother is the soul of the family. If the mother is happy, the whole family will be happy; if the mother is anxious, the whole family will be anxious." Therefore, as a mother, maintaining a happy mood is crucial for the whole family.
So, how can mothers maintain a happy mood?
1. Change the concept
If a mother wants her children to be happy, she must change her concept and realize that raising children and raising children is a very valuable thing. Only when a mother realizes her own value can she not be silent or humble at home, and can she radiate joy and happiness from her heart.
If a mother feels aggrieved and unhappy all day long, she will not have a good tone when speaking. She will either yell at her husband and children, or sneer at her family members.
In this case, the child will live a very depressed and uncomfortable life, which is not good for the child's physical and mental health. The husband will also think that there is no warmth in the home, and his love for his wife will disappear.
and Only when the mother is happy, the children and husband can truly feel joy and happiness.
Only when the mother is happy can she speak gently and gently, the children will be willing to listen to the mother, and the husband will feel sorry for his wife's efforts and care for her, and will slowly participate in raising children.
2. Improve yourself
Although mothers have many chores, they still have to find some time to read and improve.
"Wash hands and make soup" is a kind of happiness, but whether you are a mother or a wife, just knowing these is obviously not enough. Whether you are a child or a partner, in addition to food, clothing, housing and transportation, you also need spiritual communication.
Only by learning to give yourself enough spiritual food can a mother "have something to say" with her husband who is constantly improving and her children who are constantly growing.
A mother can communicate well with her husband and children, which proves that the family connection is very good. If the family connection is good, all conflicts in the family will be easily resolved, and all problems will be easier to solve.
I hope all mothers will be kind to themselves and realize their own value. May parenting be smoother and families happier.
Wenhaihua Parenting: Published work "Walking through the Flowering Stone Forest"; a parenting expert, focusing on pregnancy, childbirth and parenting topics. Welcome everyone to follow me. If you have any questions, please leave a message in the comment area. Thank you for meeting me!
