A parent came to chat with me and said that his son was 12 years old and wanted to use the Jiang Ge and Liu Xin incident to explain to his child how to make friends, but he didn’t know how to say it and asked me for advice. Let me make a few points for this parent’s reference.
1. When telling children anything about life, first grasp the essence.
Ask the teacher and talk about the essence of the teacher. Ask your classmates and tell them about their nature. Ask your friends and tell them about their nature. The essence of friends is like-mindedness, Tao is the way to be a person, and ambition is mainly the will to do things.
To make friends, you must first examine whether the way of life is compatible. Let’s take a look at whether Jiang Ge’s and Liu Xin’s ways of being people are consistent.
2. Consider the details of how to be a human being
Liu Xin’s high degree of selfishness has actually been reflected in the details of life. Liu Xin lived in Jiang Ge's house for a long time, but he never washed clothes, never cooked, never did housework, and never bought any daily necessities. The details already reflect her high degree of selfishness.
In fact, in "The Analects", Confucius also said, "No friends are worse than yourself." To make friends, you must make friends with people who are more virtuous than yourself. As for people with bad character, a more reasonable attitude is: keep them at a respectful distance and not be friends. Because friends have a very drastic influence on us when it comes to learning and progress.
Jiang Ge is very kind and considers others in everything. Her and Liu Xin's ways of life are actually incompatible. Kindness is a virtue, but kindness alone is not enough. You also need the virtue of moderation. You also need to understand contingency.
3. The sense of boundaries in being a human being and being a friend
A core part of being a human being and being a friend is the sense of boundaries. Confucius said, "Friends are always happy, brothers are happy." Friends are not family. The core of friendship is to criticize and correct each other. And many of our current friends lack a sense of boundaries.
Friends are not family members. Don’t interfere with other people’s family affairs. This is called a sense of boundaries. Let me give you an example. Two female friends were chatting together, and they talked about their significant other. One of the women denounced her significant other's faults. At this time, what should the other woman do?
If she joins her friends in scolding him, it means she has no wisdom and is not a good person. Because, if the two of them get along particularly well in the future, and others know what she said, how will she get along with them in the future? If she repeatedly praises her partner, how should she get along with her friends if they are unhappy in the future?
Therefore, "The Analects of Confucius" has long said that friends are not family members. If they do not participate in other people's family affairs, relationships are very complicated. It is difficult for an upright official to deal with family affairs, let alone friends? If you casually participate in other people's family affairs, you will easily become a stranger.
If children understand and practice these three points, it will not be easy for them to make the wrong friends in the future, or make friends that will cause trouble for themselves. Remember, remember!
Culture shapes character, and character determines destiny. How does cultivate a child's underlying beliefs, values, thinking patterns and behavior patterns? Through "The Analects of Confucius"! Inherit the best essence of Chinese traditional culture and lay the foundation for children's human nature in this life!
