Hello, I am Bai Jian's knowledge.
A friend asked: My child likes to lie. What should I do to make my child more honest and trustworthy?
Let’s talk about this topic today.
In the process of getting along with their children, one of the most troublesome things for parents is that their children lie. Parents will teach their children to be honest, so when their children lie, parents will feel that their children are deliberately disobeying them.
However, an article on Psychology Today website said that when children lie, parents should realize that children’s thinking is different from adults. The WeChat public account "Xinzhizhou" translated this article. The article
describes an experiment. This experiment studied the thinking patterns of children under 9 years old. The researchers placed a dart board on the wall of a room, drew a yellow line far away from the target, and placed a chair in the room. Then, the researcher led the child into the room, gave him a pair of darts, and told him to stand behind the yellow line and throw the darts. If he hit one, he would be given a piece of candy. Then, the researcher will tell the child that he has something to go out for, but the child can continue throwing darts.
The kids don't know there are cameras in this room. When the researchers returned to the room, they found that most of the darts were stuck on the target. But in fact, because the yellow line is too far away from the target, the child basically cannot hit the target. Researchers will ask children if they have crossed the yellow line, and more than 90% of the children will answer no. So they lied.
In the second phase of the study, the researchers looked at a group of children of the same age. They were also told not to cross the yellow line. The difference was that the researchers told the children: "The chair in the room is not actually empty, but there is an invisible princess sitting there. I can see and talk to her, but you can't." "She would tell me what happened here when I left." This time, more than 90 percent of the kids didn't cross the yellow line.
Therefore, the article said that when children lie, it is not a failure of parental education, but is related to the age of the child. Children who participated in the experiment for the second time obeyed the rules because they believed someone was watching them. Sometimes children lie just to tell their parents what they want to hear and to make them happy.
What should parents do when faced with lying to their children?
Parents can fully express their thoughts and tell their children their expectations, instead of asking a question that they know the answer to and waiting for their children to answer the question from a parent's perspective. The article gives an example: When parents find their children holding a baseball bat and standing next to a broken vase, they usually ask "what happened?"
From a child's perspective, he can tell the truth and will be punished; he can also say that he doesn't know and hope that his parents will believe him. Therefore, his choice is a 100% chance of being punished, or a 50% chance of escaping punishment.
Starting from the child's thinking, it is best for parents not to ask questions that they know the answers to. Instead, parents should say directly to their children: "You broke a vase while playing at home. Your punishment is two weeks of housework. But if you apologize and tell me what you should do, you will only have to clean for one week." "At this point, the situation changes and the child must admit his mistake and tell the truth in order to receive a lighter punishment.
In this way, parents can also teach their children to tell the truth when they make mistakes. After the children get used to it, they will naturally apologize when they do something wrong. I hope the above ideas are inspiring to you.
Questions to think about:
Have you ever encountered this situation in your daily education of children? Is there a better education method?
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