In our country's traditional education, the educational concepts of "a strict teacher will produce a good disciple" and "a filial son will emerge from under a stick" have been deeply ingrained. Many parents feel that "a loving mother often fails her son" and have very strict requirements for their children, although they are not as strict as Just like before, they always "serve according to the family law", but verbal criticism of children is not uncommon.
So, being strict with your children is the same as criticizing them often?
The answer is no. In fact, many parents confuse the concepts of strict requirements and casual criticism. There is no doubt that strict requirements for children are required, but it should also be noted that casual criticism is not strict requirements.
Criticizing children correctly is also a skill. Only by learning to criticize their children's parents can we become good parents.
Today, let’s talk about how parents should criticize their children.
01 Criticism is not the same as yelling
In modern society, the pressure from all aspects is increasing day by day. Parents are more eager to see their children succeed and their daughters become phoenixes. Therefore, critical education has become more and more intense.
Many parents get very angry when they see their children making mistakes. They roar at their children and criticize them thoroughly. It seems that the louder the voice, the more effective the criticism will be. Every time after criticizing a child, I always feel that my blood pressure rises and my heart can't bear it.
However, does this method of criticism have the expected effect? Will the child definitely not make the same mistake next time?
believes that many parents know the answer to this question. Just like Xiaoyu in the example below, she lost her confidence and self-confidence and even the courage to live under the yelling criticism from her parents.
Yelling criticism actually hurts children
Xiaoyu is a very beautiful girl with very good academic performance and a lively and cheerful personality. But in recent exams, Xiaoyu's grades have declined a bit, and her mother is very worried.
So, she often said: "What do you do when you go to school every day? Who can you deserve with such a small score in the exam?" At this time, Xiaoyu always lowered his head and said nothing, tears welling up in his eyes.
In the final exam, Xiaoyu fell behind a lot because of excessive pressure.
After Xiaoyu’s mother saw the results, all the anger that had been accumulated in her heart burst out at the top of her voice, shouting at the top of her lungs: "Why are you so stupid? Who did you inherit it from? With your current score, what else can I expect from you?" , what future can you have?"
Xiaoyu was very scared when she saw her mother getting so angry. She originally wanted to explain to her mother the reason for the decline in academic performance, but she never said it. But from then on, Xiaoyu didn't like to talk, and his academic performance continued to decline. Faced with her mother's yelling every time, Xiaoyu just didn't say a word.
Half a year later, Xiaoyu's mother felt that something was wrong with Xiaoyu. She went to the hospital for a check-up and found out that Xiaoyu had suffered from autism .
Perhaps many parents are like Xiaoyu's mother, who feel that only by yelling at their children can they be used as a critic, so that the children can have a long memory and make corrections.
In fact, this kind of roaring criticism can only hurt the heart of children. Some children may lose their self-confidence and self-esteem. If things go on like this, the inner depression cannot be resolved. If it breaks out at a certain moment, it may harm others and themselves.
As parents, when criticizing your children, you must pay attention to your own language to avoid hurting your children.
We should treat our children's mistakes calmly and try to control our emotions.
is like Xiaoyu's mother. Is Xiaoyu's declining grades really as serious as she says? If Xiaoyu fails the test once, will he have no future prospects? Of course not, Xiaoyu's mother just said that in a moment of impatience.
If she can control her emotions and force herself not to get angry first, when she calms down, she will find that maybe this matter is not as bad as she thought at the beginning. Then, when she talks to her child, There may be different results.
We also need to lower our attitude. In fact, we and our children are equal.
When we yell at our children, we are invisibly putting our own identity in a superior position and not allowing the children to question it. In fact, children also have their own ideas, but when you yell over and over again, your children's hearts are also affected by you. If you yell it away, the child will not open up to you, and you have no idea what the child is thinking.
If you can lower your profile, let yourself and your children become equal friends, and talk to your children about this issue in a soft voice, your children will express all their inner thoughts, which will be more conducive to your education.
Criticism is not yelling, nor is it an outlet for emotions. We must know how to respect children, control our emotions, and communicate with children equally.
02 Criticism also depends on the occasion
There was once a mother who criticized her child in the corridor of the school in front of many classmates. The junior high school student jumped down from the building regardless of everything.
Some people say that this child's mind is too fragile. It doesn't matter if his mother says a few words, so he won't jump off the building.
Actually, if we think about it carefully, is this mother really right to criticize her child severely in front of so many classmates?
If we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we will find that around the age of 14, a child is in his or her puberty, and has very strong self-esteem. Criticism regardless of the occasion is likely to push the child into the abyss.
It is normal for parents to criticize children when they make mistakes. However, if they are too impulsive, criticize regardless of the occasion, and hurt the child's self-esteem with words, the opposite result will be obtained. Not only does the child not realize the mistake, but it makes the child feel Disgusted, even taking drastic actions.
Criticize children to avoid public places
Jingjing was very obedient when she was in elementary school, and her grades were also very good. In junior high school, she entered a rebellious period and developed some bad habits.
One day, her mother took Jingjing to her grandma's house. On that day, the whole family was very happy and praised Jingjing as a good and sensible child.
However, after Jingjing’s mother received a call from her class teacher, her attitude suddenly changed. She criticized Jingjing in front of her family and said: "What did you do when you went to school? You passed notes in class, and the teacher called me. Where did I put my face? How did you become like this now?" That's it."
Jingjing's face suddenly turned red. Her mother was still criticizing Jingjing. The family's eyes also fell on Jingjing. Finally, she cried and said: "You don't even ask me why I passed the news. Note, in your eyes, I am nothing, so why did you give birth to me?" After that, he ran out.
's behavior of passing notes in class was definitely wrong and should be criticized, but the mistake of Jingjing's mother was that she should not criticize Jingjing in front of so many relatives and friends, which seriously hurt Jingjing's self-esteem.
Many parents, like Jingjing’s mother, feel that their children are still young and do not need face, and they completely ignore their children’s feelings. This is a wrong behavior.
As a parent, you must pay attention to the occasion when criticizing your children.
We should try our best to avoid criticizing our children in public places or when other people are around. We can choose a quiet and relaxed place to talk to our children about the mistakes they have made. This can save their face and make them more courageous to accept mistakes.
03 Criticism must have a certain purpose
In fact, as parents, we all know that criticizing a child is not to scold him to vent his anger, but to let him know where he went wrong and what to do in the future.
However, in real life, many times, we often forget this, fail to grasp a reasonable degree, and simply vent our anger, failing to achieve the purpose of letting children learn about their mistakes and correct them.
Huahua just entered kindergarten. When she was having breakfast in the morning, she accidentally spilled the milk. Before that, her mother had warned her to be careful.Seeing that her warning had no effect, she slapped Huahua's hand and said angrily: "I've reminded you to be careful, but you are still so stupid. You have to deal with me every time. You are like this." It's so big, it's really annoying."
While her mother was cleaning up, she was just complaining mercilessly. This was a pure tantrum. Huahua might have thought she was wrong at first, but under her mother's merciless criticism, she developed a problem. A mentality of: I just spilled the milk, why is my mother so angry, thus losing the meaning of criticism.
Therefore, criticism requires parents to provide solutions to the problem when criticizing their children's shortcomings, so that their children know they are wrong and know what to do in the future.
If Huahua’s mother could tell Huahua first, if you use one hand to hold the cup, it will be easy to spill the milk, which will be troublesome to clean up and will waste a lot of time. If the cup is broken, you may prick your finger. In the future, Use two hands to hold the cup so it's less likely to tip over.
In this way, Huahua not only knows that she was wrong this time, but also knows what to do next time. This is the purpose of criticism.
Then, in our future lives, we must pay attention, learn to criticize children, and choose to be calm instead of yelling in a quiet environment where no other people are present, so that children who make mistakes can express their thoughts bravely. Guide the children step by step to know where they went wrong, and give them ways to solve the problem to achieve the purpose of criticism.
The purpose of criticism is to make children correct
Well, that’s all for today’s topic. I hope every parent will have a good child who can make him worry-free.
