There are only 3 things in life, my affairs, God’s affairs, and others’ affairs.
And what I can really control is my business. Other people's affairs and God's affairs must be left to others and God to solve.
good mentality is to keep the way
When I first started working, I was very anxious. The world was uncontrollable, work was uncontrollable, and life was uncontrollable. In short, it was out of control.
In the morning, I opened my eyes and got up, and went to catch the bus without stopping, because I would be deducted at most 200 yuan when I am late. For my poor salary, a few deductions will not be enough for my rent. However, the peak period is congested and the distance is still long. So whenever the traffic jams, the anxiety in my heart will explode. Even if it is only one minute, it is not an exaggeration to say that the degree of suffering is like waiting for the end of the world.
In fact, because of the cautious personality, the probability of being late is very small. Even if you are late, you won’t be deducted 200 yuan for the first time, at most, it will only cost a few dozen yuan. Although I lack money, it would not be fatal to cause dozens of dollars. The high degree of anxiety made me feel that I didn't understand. This abnormal anxiety also successfully attracted my attention and research.
Later, I gradually realized that this excessive anxiety came from the insecurity of [no support behind it], especially for money. Parents have always been very scarce in money. After paying the tuition and miscellaneous fees for each semester during their student days, they give them the most basic living expenses, and they never give them any pocket money. And what's amazing is that I cooperate very well and never ask for money. So when I was a teenager, I planned and arranged the money I had to take care of the food, clothing and supplies for the whole semester, as well as tutoring books, extracurricular books, etc.
After going to college, I got a student loan. One year my parents completely forgot to give me the money, and I didn’t ask for it either. Until I received a call from the counselor saying that when the tuition fee was deducted, I found that the money was not enough and needed to make up for it. At that moment, I was really very angry. I cried and called my father: In addition to tuition fees, there are also miscellaneous fees, you must at least give it to me! Then my father asked how much the difference was, so he sent me the amount of money. Aggrieved, angry, embarrassing, all kinds of emotions are intertwined, and I still feel very sad when I think about it now.
But in fact, my father has no idea about all these emotions and feelings. because he is also such a victim.
My parents made me live a very poor life, not because my family is so poor. They are hardworking and frugal, and are typical "workaholics". It's just limited to resources and environment, and it's not rich. It belongs to the ordinary family that is average and can be passed by. But my parents always instilled in me the concept of being very poor. I noticed this when I was a child and even asked several questions: It seems that our family is not poorer than our classmates, why do they live much better than us? My parents never responded to me on this matter.
Later I gradually realized that they are also victims of excessive scarcity. They are all families with many children, especially fathers who are the pillars of the family. They are the second child and have four brothers at home, and they were once sent to others for foster care. In the end, after the family gave birth to a son, the two kept fighting, and the father ran back to his original home by himself. I went to high school and had good grades, but since I was able to work, my family only provided food and accommodation, and I earned the tuition for the entire middle school by myself. He participated in the air move back then, and I vaguely remember someone told me that the first seven rounds of tests passed, but in the end he gave up because of the intervention of his elders. On the eve of the college entrance examination, I went home to recuperate for a few days because I was sick and I was treated as asking for money when I went home, which seriously hurt my father's self-esteem. I never went to school again in anger. He is actually very outstanding, has good academic performance, looks very handsome, and has great hope for the college entrance examination. Due to some inner trauma, my father lost his bright future.
Such experiences lead to the lack of fathers in the process of raising children. He even blocked the perception that "before being able to be independent, children have various needs that parents need to meet."Fortunately, I grew up safely, and even had good grades and went to college. But I have inherited a lot of trauma in my heart, which has brought a lot of trouble to myself in the past. Luckily, I can always learn, be aware and grow.
After sorting out these, I realized that there are deeper reasons behind this anxiety. I am powerless to do anything about the difficulties and trauma that my father faces, and he needs to face the reconciliation by himself. As for the lack and trauma brought to me by my parents, I first made it clear that they did not love me and were reluctant to satisfy me, but that they did not have this awareness. In this regard, I reached a reconciliation with them, and the anger and grievance were not so strong. Then there is a lack of money and the need to enjoy each other's support. The problem has already arisen. I don't enjoy money easily and I always dare not let others pay for me. Even if that person is a parent, brother, or husband, I still feel that it is not possible and I am still scared. Only by paying it myself can I feel at ease. I have seen, realized, and then slowly changed.
In this complex problem, the parents’ problems are left to the parents themselves, and we will solve the problems between me and my parents together. In fact, because they are unconscious, I can solve it unilaterally, and the emotional knot is indeed solved. And the troubles I have in my own way are the lessons I need to overcome in depth next.
, and I can be very calm when there is traffic jam. I would ask myself, who is the traffic jam? Is it the driver's business? ——No, he can't change the traffic jam. Is it my business? ——I can't change it naturally. Yes, traffic jams are God's business. No matter what we do, we can't change traffic jams, we can only wait for it to pass. Is anxiety useful? It is useless to solve traffic jams, so wait for the road to clear.
has actually reached this level for 10 years. At this moment, I really want to hug the pitiful, angry, aggrieved, little self in the past: When I need money, take the initiative to tell my parents, they will give it to me. It’s not that they don’t want to, they really don’t know you need it. Thank you for your hard work, little me, young me. Now that you have grown up, you have the ability to live your own life, enjoy life with peace of mind!
#When you encounter a low point in your life, will you complain about the injustice of fate#
#Native family#
