writer Zhang Xiaoxian said:
There is an eternal law in the world:
When you don’t care, you will get; when you get better, you will meet better people; only when you become strong, you will not be afraid of being alone. ; When you are not afraid of being alone, you can rather be in need than in excess.
In life, people have thousands of personalities, and circles have even more diverse colors.
But we are always afraid and anxious because there is no intersection between the two.
Then, no matter whether it suits you or not, try to find understanding and recognition from it.
But the reality is often: the closer you get, the emptier you feel; the more dependent you are, the less you can find your direction.
And when we decide to become independent and brave, that is the real beginning of living ourselves.
Recently, the "Her Duet" program interviewed actress Deng Cuiwen.
I just met her at 798 in Beijing. She excitedly talked about the colors and styles of her favorite works.
On the way to her destination, she was asked:
At the age of 50+, would it make people feel pretentious to go to an exhibition alone?
Deng Cuiwen said with a smile:
"I live for myself, why should I listen to other people's comments. I love someone more and more, and I even feel a little annoyed when I am not alone."
She talked about herself " The habit of "turning off the phone before sleeping" seems a bit out of place in today's era when everyone keeps their mobile phones close to them.
But for Deng Cuiwen, it is a way to express "self-boundaries".
For others, it is also an answer: If you can't find me, it means don't bother me; if you accept the contact, I will turn on the phone.
Just as she will not make more palace dramas that she does not like in order to cater to anyone, nor will she be confused and anxious because of the outside world's prejudice against age.
But be very clear about what you want, and then boldly please yourself.
If you like to watch exhibitions, it doesn’t matter if he is alone; if you like jazz, pursue and enjoy it.
did not appear shy, nor did he hide back in embarrassment.
Such calmness and freedom stem from her sobriety and independence. She will not pretend to flatter anyone, let alone disguise her true self.
I have heard this saying: "We can live as ourselves, live more authentically and more authentically. This is how we are sincere and kind to ourselves."
In life, too many people and things will be set A "unified standard" has been set, and if one does not abide by it, he will be regarded as an alien by most people.
But in this life, people have to live for themselves after all.
If you choose to cater to everything and force yourself to "fit in", you will inevitably suffer the consequences of trying to cater to others.
It is hard work and you will lose your freedom.
If not, just boldly state your social boundaries and give yourself more time.
After all, it is easiest to get along with yourself.
In "Love Can Endure Time", the author once asked his friend Dizi :
"Don't you feel lonely when you are not with your friends?"
"Aren't you afraid that others will have a bad impression of you?"
Dizi's answer Frank and direct:
"Many times, we are just as lonely together.
I used to care a lot about other people's opinions, but now, I will directly tell them my inner thoughts."
The flute in life is just as he said. , although I have many friends, I still like to be alone.
Wherever he wants to go, he immediately puts on his bag and sets off, without always thinking about finding a companion.
He can stay alone in the silent valley for a whole day, or he can lie motionless on the roof of a building for three or four hours and shoot the stars.
will not care about whether others think it is meaningful, nor will he give up his love because of others' incomprehension.
Dizi is also opinionated about work. Often when others are waiting for instructions from the boss, he has already completed a lot of things at his own pace; when others are still shirking responsibility, he has already thought of a solution.
In reality, it is difficult for us to be as "vigorous and resolute" as a flute because we always replay other people's ideas in our minds, always want to get others' approval, and then hesitate repeatedly and dare not make decisions.
is worried that once he is labeled as "unsociable", his own path will be difficult.
But after experiencing it, I discovered that only when your own path is easy to follow, others will surround you.
Haruki Murakami said: "Not all fish will live in the same sea."
People come and go, and everyone has their own experience and knowledge. Don't force others to be like-minded, and allow yourself to be different.
Therefore, you don’t need to measure yourself by other people’s standards, let alone use other people’s brains to think about your life.
Just boldly adjust your life back to your own channel. As for other people's suggestions, they are for reference only.
Whatever you want to do, don’t hesitate and start decisively.
Because living yourself is more worthy of pride than becoming someone else’s shadow.
But at the beginning, we encountered difficulties. I even constantly doubt that I am incompetent and that my emotional intelligence is too low.
The reason was that she wanted to quickly integrate into the circle of colleagues. She made a lot of efforts but could not see any results.
Because of the gap in experience, my cousin no longer has the confidence she had before.
Therefore, when I first joined the company, I wanted to get closer to my colleagues. I brought breakfast in the morning, bought milk tea at noon, and often invited guests to dinner after get off work, hoping that they could help me more.
But no matter who you are dealing with, if you take too much initiative, it will become a sign of flattery and it will also appear humble.
will not win you respect, but will make people look down upon you even more.
2 months later, my cousin finally understood that even if she entered the circle of colleagues, there was no one she could rely on. If she wanted to truly grow, she could only rely on herself.
Later, my cousin no longer spent time and energy on deliberately building a good relationship, but instead organized information and inquired about problems by herself. Although her skills were slow and she always worked overtime, she gained a very solid sense of satisfaction.
In fact, in life, we often have the same mentality as our cousin.
I always hope that someone can help me, help us with ideas and suggestions, and imagine that we can gain a sense of security from the group.
After doing a lot of useless work, he realized that being in a group cannot solve the problem.
Instead of trying to get into other people’s circles, it is better to concentrate on improving yourself.
Then, no longer try to exchange your own favors for something, but learn to gradually peel off your dependence on others and no longer be disturbed by the outside world.
Hayao Miyazaki said: "No matter when and where you are, you must learn to walk independently, and he will make you walk more calmly."
When we really no longer have expectations for others, we will be more insistent on our own. Advocacy will also strengthen your ambitions and dreams.
After that, I no longer cling to anyone, and only let myself be the biggest source of confidence.
"The Crowd" said: "If you are born different, why bother to blend in with the crowd."
Life is a great adventure.
In this process, we must have the courage to sincerely recognize ourselves. We do not need to seek support among others, do not need to pretend to have many friends, and do not need to live up to our hearts because of other people's comments.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with "sticking to yourself".
For the rest of our lives, I hope we can all return to our true nature, not be afraid of loneliness, let the world be bustling, and just be ourselves.
