As soon as I stepped into the house, I glared at my son and yelled: "Put down the knife quickly, or I will beat you."
My son, holding a kitchen knife in his left hand and a fruit knife in his right hand, suddenly rushed towards me.
said vaguely: "If you want to hit me, I will strike first."
At about 11:30 noon the day before yesterday, I was busy rushing goods at the company, and my hands were completely free.
Suddenly, the phone rang.
When I saw that the call was from my wife, I turned on the speakerphone and talked to her while working.
She lost her temper on the phone and said: "My son doesn't do his homework as required and sits at home."
I habitually replied to my wife: "If he doesn't obey, just beat him. We have to be busy making money to support him. I don’t have that much time and energy to talk to him slowly.”
Then I hung up the phone.
around 11:43.
My wife called again and asked me to go home quickly. She cried and said, "I just hit my son, and he started fighting with a kitchen knife and a fruit knife."
I put down the things in my hands and ran home quickly.
When I arrived at the door of my house, my wife was standing outside the door crying.
My son was crying and roaring loudly in the house: "Today, either you will chop me to death, or I will chop you to death."
My son's voice was so loud that I could hear it clearly even through the door panel while standing at the door.
The wooden door and security door were closed, so I couldn’t see clearly what was going on at home.
I gently took out the key and inserted it into the keyhole, trying to open the security door.
However, the security door has been locked by him from home.
I stood at the door and listened to his roar, and my brain was thinking about two questions quickly:
[1] If I didn’t find a way to enter the house immediately, I would worry that my son would hurt himself with a murder weapon.
〔2〕If I break in, it will easily anger my son further and cause him to behave excessively.
After thinking about it for about a minute, I made a wrong decision: "I shouted loudly outside the door, asking my son to open the door for me."
My son continued to roar and refused to open the door for me.
At this time, I was not so clear-headed and made an even worse decision. I threatened my son through the door panel and said, "If you don't open the door right away, I'll call the police to arrest you."
(Reflection afterward ： It has been two days, and I am scared when I think back. If my son is willing to open the door for me, why should I yell and scream? I should give him at least half an hour to calm down slowly. If I scare him outside, it will only further worsen his mood. I stand outside the door but can do nothing).
After about two minutes, I told my son in a calm tone: "Son, please open the door and let dad come in alone. I have already driven mom away."
After another two minutes or so, I heard my son crying and saying : "I opened the door for dad to prevent mom from coming in. Dad can't hit me."
Then, I heard the sound of my son twisting the small lock.
So, I quickly took out the key, opened the security door first, and then opened the main door.
At this moment, I made another serious mistake.
I have always had a weakness. My ability to control my emotions at critical moments is not very good. In this regard, my son has completely inherited my genes.
Originally, since my son is willing to open the door for me, it means that he already trusts me. This is the best opportunity for us to communicate calmly.
Originally, I should have given myself two minutes to calm down my emotions instead of rushing home.
However, after opening the door, I went in with an angry mood.
The moment I entered the house, I saw my son holding a kitchen knife in his left hand and a fruit knife in his right hand. He was standing in the corner farthest from the entrance, his body trembling.
I stood at the entrance without moving, and my son stood diagonally opposite the corner. We were about seven meters apart.
My son looked at me stupidly, and I could tell that in his eyes, there was not anger and fear, but confusion and helplessness.
At that moment, I felt very sad for him.
However, when I saw the kitchen knife and fruit knife in my son's hand, I couldn't help but yelled at him: "Put down the knife quickly, or I will beat you."
As soon as I finished speaking, my son's left hand suddenly raised The kitchen knife and the fruit knife in my right hand were also raised and rushed towards me...
At that moment, the scenes of getting along with my son were like a fast-forward movie, rolling rapidly in my brain.
On weekdays, my son is timid and weak.
When he goes to the toilet at night, I need to help him turn on the light in advance, otherwise he will not dare to go in.
While going to the toilet, he would keep calling me to see if I was still standing at the door of the toilet waiting for him.
If he calls three times and I don't answer him, the little guy will get anxious and run out of the toilet before he has time to put on his pants.
Now, as if possessed by a devil, my son rushed towards me brandishing a kitchen knife and a fruit knife.
I have received professional training at martial arts school . In terms of actual combat, I am also a veteran who has experienced many battles.
However, I was really not sure how to handle the complicated situation at that time.
I am confident of avoiding his attack.
I was even confident that I could snatch the kitchen knife from his left hand instantly without hurting him or myself.
However, if I were to take away the kitchen knife in his left hand and the fruit knife in his right hand at the same time, I really couldn't do it.
What's worse is that I can't fight back with my fists and kicks. If I knock him to the ground, a kitchen knife or a fruit knife will easily cause serious injury.
At that moment, long-term professional experience came into play. I reminded myself repeatedly in my mind, don’t say anything, don’t do any action, just stand up straight and look at my son with a smile.
At that moment, there was nothing I could do but do this.
No matter what sound or movement I make, it may lead to serious consequences. I can only stop with silence.
When my son was still three bricks away from me, he suddenly stopped and cried, "Dad is not allowed to hit me."
At that moment, I finally took a breath.
At that moment, my whole body was soaked with sweat.
I know, a normal conversation between father and son can begin.
There was a stool next to me. In order to show my sincerity in asking for peace, I sat down easily, and then smiled and said to my son: "Dad has already sat down. Dad promises you that he will never beat you today."
I know that in order to prevent my son from getting angry again because of his emotions, I must give him a sufficient sense of security and let him have steps to step down.
My son looked at me, crying, still holding the kitchen knife and fruit knife in his hand, and his body was still shaking with excitement. He wanted to speak, but couldn't spit out a word. His eyes were still confused and helpless.
I need to open the conversation immediately and effectively. I must seize this opportunity to completely calm down my son.
I smiled and said to my son: "When dad was very young, grandpa often hit me. Did you know?"
This sentence had a very good effect.
Although my son did not speak, he took two steps back to the right, sat on the edge of the bed, and listened to me quietly.
After sitting down, the son put the fruit knife on the bed and still grasped the kitchen knife with his left hand.
I know that the next key task is to ask my son to put down the kitchen knife so that the safety hazard can be completely eliminated.
So, I smiled and said to my son: "You are much better than dad, you know how to protect yourself."
My son looked at me blankly and shook his head.
I know that he still cannot understand what I want to express, and needs me to guide him step by step.
So, I said to my son aggrievedly: "When I was a child, my grandfather often beat me, but I was stupid. I didn't know how to escape or defend myself."
(My inner words: When I was a child, my father often beat me hard. The beatings left me bruised and bruised, and I still feel frightened when I think about it.To be honest, if I could go back in life, if my father still beat me so cruelly, I would not fight back, but I would definitely run away to protect myself ).
After hearing this, my son began to relax even though he didn't fully understand what I meant.
I observed carefully while talking. Although he was still holding the kitchen knife in his left hand, his five fingers had relaxed a lot, and he was just playing with it casually.
So, I reminded myself that I could directly discuss the key issue of putting down the kitchen knife with my son, but I couldn’t act recklessly.
So, I looked at the little guy with a sympathetic tone and said, "Son, the reason why you took the kitchen knife and fruit knife today is not to hurt your parents, but to protect yourself."
After hearing this, my son burst into tears. It flowed down again, and I cried and said: "It hurts when mom hits me."
I said to my son seriously: "Now, mom won't hit you anymore, and the kitchen knife in your hand is useless. Put it back." "Hold the knife."
My son cried and said, "If I put down the kitchen knife, will my parents hit me?"
I said to my son categorically: "Since you were a child, has your father ever lied to you about anything he promised you? "
The son cried and said: "Dad didn't lie to me."
After finishing speaking, the son stood up slowly, put the fruit knife and kitchen knife back into the knife holder, and then stood in front of the window in a daze, not knowing what to do next. .
I said to my son gently: "Come here, daddy will wipe your tears and take you to eat."
My son walked towards me tremblingly...
My son was only nine years old, but he made such an extreme and barbaric move. He is not wrong, we as husband and wife are the real culprits.
In the process of raising our children, our couple made the following serious mistakes.
〔1〕We often use "enduring hardships" to kidnap children morally .
Our family’s financial situation is very difficult.
In order to feed my children, I pushed myself to the extreme of waking up early, being greedy at night, and being frugal. I worked 12 hours a day, but I couldn't bear to eat meat buns that cost 3 yuan. I only dared to nibble white steamed buns to satisfy my hunger.
In the past, I would use my hard work as a bargaining chip to teach my son a lesson and tell him that he must learn to be grateful.
Sometimes, when my son makes a small mistake, I will get very angry, thinking that my son does not take my hard work seriously.
Our son is very sensible when it comes to needs.
He will be envious of other children holding luxury toys costing 100 yuan, but will not take the initiative to ask for them.
Even if you only buy him a toy worth one yuan, he will be happy for several days and will not feel shabby.
When passing by a store, if he sees a toy he likes, he will stand and stare at it.
If his parents buy it for him, he will be happy.
If he doesn't get it, he will follow his parents away reluctantly, but he won't get emotional.
Before, I mistakenly believed that raising children made us work so hard.
Now, I began to reflect deeply on myself.
The reason why we go through so much hardship is just because we are incompetent and have nothing to do with our children, so why should we take it out on our children?
Although my condition is not good, I irresponsibly gave birth to a child and worked hard to support him. This is a matter of course. Therefore, I cannot put too many demands on the child and expect to get more rewards from him.
In other words, because we are irresponsible and let the child suffer, as long as he does not complain, we should be content, instead of nagging and demanding the child, hoping to change the fate of the family through the child.
〔2〕My husband and I often quarrel and fight in front of our children, but we demand that our sons learn to be calm.
After we got married, in my memory, there were no days when our husband and wife did not quarrel, not even three days in a row.
Every month, we get into a fight or two, and occasionally tools are used.
I remember when my child was three years old, my wife made me furious, so I pushed her.
At this time, my wife completely lost control of her emotions and took out the kitchen knife at home to scare me.
Originally, the child was happily playing with toys on the bed.
saw his parents suddenly fighting, and his son was curled up in the corner of the bed, his body trembling, and his eyes were full of helplessness.
We often say that parents give their children a sense of security.
In fact, in peaceful times, what really makes children lose their sense of security is domestic violence from parents.
The moment when parents fight, for the child, it is like the earth is falling apart.
When I was a child, every time my parents fought, I would have this feeling of fear.
However, we have six brothers and sisters in our family. When our parents are angry, the brothers and sisters can still hug each other for warmth.
Now, there is only one child in the family. As long as the father and mother fight, the son will become as pitiful as a lamb in a pack of wolves.
[3] We, brothers and sisters, are strangers to each other, but we demand our son to put family ties first.
There are six brothers and sisters in our family.
My financial situation is the worst. Even if I get sick and have no money for medical treatment, my brothers and sisters will not help me.
Someone said: "When mom is here, the family is here. When mom is gone, the brothers and sisters become relatives."
The situation in our family is even worse.
Since my mother passed away, my brothers and sisters and I are no longer even relatives.
I work in Shenzhen. In the past five years, I have not been back to my hometown. No brothers or sisters have contacted me, and I am too lazy to contact them.
As an adult, I can understand this indifferent sibling relationship, because I have no future, and interacting with my siblings will only drag them down.
However, I can't explain it to my son.
The year before last, I was ill and hospitalized for more than two months, and none of my five brothers and sisters came to visit me.
My son once asked me why my uncle and aunt didn't care about me.
I didn’t want my son to experience the indifference of family affection prematurely, so I tricked him smoothly and said: "Uncle and aunt live too far away, so they didn’t know that daddy was sick."
[4] When children are tired of studying, we stupidly By corporally punishing him, I thought I had found an efficient way.
In our specific situation, we are unable to reserve any financial wealth for our children, or even pay higher tuition fees.
Our family has been solidified at the bottom level, and there are not many possibilities.
We know in our hearts that our son’s future depends entirely on studying.
Based on this, as long as our son's grades are not stable, we will be in shock.
What's worse is that my wife and I are relatively dull and don't know how to optimize my son's learning method to improve his learning efficiency.
has no choice but to use brute force.
Every day, I focus on my son who must complete the learning tasks assigned by the teacher. Even if he stays up until one or two in the morning, he must complete the day's homework.
My son was seriously tired of studying. We couldn't find a good way to enlighten him, so we used corporal punishment as the only effective method.
[5] Our son has a weak personality, so we bully him.
On weekdays, my son has a very weak personality.
Even if he is bullied by a female classmate, he doesn't know how to deal with it and will only shed tears.
Even if he is bullied by younger children, he will just stand there and cry, or run away.
Growing up, he never hit anyone.
Because of this, as long as his academic performance is not satisfactory, we will put pressure on him.
This method is effortless and effective, so my wife and I have become accustomed to it.
We did not reflect on ourselves. This approach was not helping our son, but just bullying the younger one.
This time, the wife whipped her son again, finally letting the little boy's long-simmering resentment explode. He picked up a kitchen knife and a fruit knife to confront his mother, which almost led to serious consequences.
[6] We lie and pretend every day, but we demand that our sons be honest and calm.
In the company, when facing our boss, we are clearly scolding in our hearts, but with a smile on our faces.
We clearly think our boss is very unfair, but when we face him, we praise him for being fair and reasonable.
When getting along with colleagues, friends and classmates, in order not to embarrass everyone, we always speak insincerely.
I clearly know that my child’s teacher is narrow-minded and always takes it out on the child.
However, I have to tell my son every day: "The teacher is great, we must follow his example."
I clearly know that the world is full of intrigues, and the competition for interests far outweighs the human touch.
However, I had to unscrupulously lie to my children and say: "The world is beautiful, and there are good people everywhere."
How to guide children correctly, I can only use three words to describe "helplessness".
〔7〕I can’t tell my son what is right and what is wrong?
My son has asked me more than once: "When you meet an old lady who has fallen down on the street, should you help her?"
I tell my son: "If you don't help me, I'm afraid of being blackmailed."
My son will question me and say, "The teacher said that we must learn how to To do good deeds, you must support them."
I thought about it and replied to my son tactfully: "Then ask the police for help."
My son would say to me in confusion: "Should I listen to my parents? You should still listen to the teacher. "
Whenever this happens, I will be very confused.
In the face of the cruel facts, I had to guide my son to protect himself wisely, and I also hoped that he would not become too selfish.
In the age of self-preservation, raising a son's sense of right and wrong alone is already a daunting task.
[8] There is something wrong with our thinking, but instead of deeply reflecting on ourselves, we imposed this wrong thinking on our son.
In terms of life, our relationship as husband and wife is in a mess, and there must be a big problem with our communication methods.
In terms of survival ability, we have an income that is barely enough to survive. This predicament has led to a particularly depressing family atmosphere.
Children need a relaxed living environment and a depressive atmosphere. Children are definitely the biggest victims.
However, we did not work hard to improve our ability to survive, nor did we deeply reflect on our own thinking flaws. Instead, we blindly led our son forward.
When our son's thinking differs from ours, we often veto the child and impose wrong thinking on him.
is written at the end:
The day I entered college, I thought I was mature, but now I know that I was wrong.
The day I started working, I thought I was mature, but now I know I was wrong.
On the day of the wedding, I thought I was mature, but now I know I was wrong.
The day my child was born, I thought I was mature, but now I know I was wrong.
It turns out that I have never matured.
Now, I finally understand that the process of accompanying my son to grow up is the constant reflection of my life and the complete process of maturing.
