Author: Ding Xixi (Columnist of Fushu)
There is a famous painter in Italy. He has a special habit when painting characters: he only draws one eye.
Someone was puzzled and asked him why. He said:
"One of the weaknesses of human nature is that both eyes are used to looking at the outside world, but they rarely check themselves.
So we must look at the world with one eye and leave the other to examine ourselves."
Self-knowing and self-reflection are a necessary growth process for a person.
The most powerful ability in the world is to observe yourself at all times through the mirror of others.
like to pick others’ faults because they are not capable of it
American psychologist Eliot Aronson proposed a concept in the book "Social Animals" - " deviation blind spot ".
refers to a kind of blind vision, underestimation or denial of self-deviation.
We always easily see the deviations shown by others, but it is difficult to detect the deviations in ourselves.
In life, many people like to pick others’ faults because they cannot see their own “blind spots of deviation”. In
" Heart-warming offer3", Gao Shang and Liu Chang had an quarrel.
The fourth phase of the cardiology department’s follow-up assessment, there were 3 patients in total, and the conditions were different.
The teacher advised them to participate in the return visit together so that everyone can grasp 3 different cases.
At that time, Liu Chang planned to carry out his work as required, but Gao Shang insisted on completing it independently on the grounds that there was not enough time. During the
assessment, Liu Chang submitted 3 reports and was praised; Gao Shang only wrote 2 patients and was criticized.
Afterwards, Gao Shang accused Liu Chang and said, "Why do you have to write the two cases I have written about again? It's very redundant!"
means that Liu Chang should accommodate him and only complete the 1 patient he did not write.
He believes that Liu Chang intentionally inverted him, and then "involved" himself and was criticized.
But in fact, Gao Shang was criticized not because of insufficient quantity, but because of the low quality. The fundamental reason is that his follow-up records are superficial and he does not pay attention to the changes in the patient's symptoms.
Faced with noble and groundless accusations, Liu Chang said in one sentence: "You are an adult, and you don't work hard, and you will blame others."
failed. Many people always find reasons to defend themselves, and then habitually condemn others to cover up their shortcomings in their abilities.
However, escape not only cannot really solve the problem, but also makes people become more and more blind and unable to see their own shortcomings.
Only by facing the gap between yourself and others can you calm down and polish yourself well.
Carnegie says that about 80% of a person's traits are advantages and 20% are disadvantages. If we only focus on the 20% shortcomings and selectively ignore other people's strengths, then it will be a problem for everyone.
. Really powerful people only focus on their own growth, and are more likely to see the advantages of others, be better at learning other people's experiences and strengths, and are more willing to spend time improving themselves.
The weak are always harsh on others, while the strong keep correcting themselves.
I can’t stand others’ good, but I don’t have enough cultivation
There is a folk saying: I can’t stand the poor and drink rice soup.
You can always meet such a person in life. Seeing the people around you getting better and better, your life is getting better and better, the less you feel.
Venus tells a story of his own in " Venus Show ":
An old comrade in the WeChat group of the Qianjin Song and Dance Troupe slandered her and said:
"Venus is actually due to fame and fortune. A 1.67 person is a standard woman, but it is not enough as a man.
does not make any noise, who will pay attention to her? What she wants is the appearance of a woman, not the heart of a woman.
What she wants is her appearance, not the heart of a woman.
What she does not make any noise? Who will pay attention to her? What she wants is the appearance of a woman, not the heart of a woman.
What she is doing I can often be so arrogant because her male hormones are released abnormally.
But she did it, and I believe she enjoys the attention of others, even the opposite. "
When Venus asked her why she said that, the old comrade was even more confident Said:
"Once I had a dinner with my friend and saw you yelling and making a fuss on TV. Although you are a public figure, you have never given pride to those who know you."
It turned out that this old comrade was very popular when he was young, thinking that he was the pride of the singing and dancing troupe, but later he accomplished nothing.
Seeing that Venus was so popular, she felt very uncomfortable and was so jealous that she became more enthusiastic about Venus. She often vented her anger and said some sour words in the group.
Writer Fan Ermu said: "Some people, even if you don't offend him, they will envy you, slander you, and even want to destroy you."
The lower the level of cultivation, the more they like to be jealous of others and destroy others' positions. Because I am not good, I don't let you do it either.
But behind jealousy and slander, what is hard to hide is just a heart that is frustrated and lost.
Yue Yunpeng shared a helpless experience in the interview program "成制成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成成�
Since he became popular on the Spring Festival Gala, every time he had dinner with his original friends, they would always say reproachfully with drunkenness: "Yue Yunpeng, you have changed. You are not the person you used to!"
This incident made Yue Yunpeng feel very uncomfortable. After hearing this, Guo Degang explained:
"You have to be clear about this kind of thing. In the future, there will be many classmates you know or don't know to tell you about it, and even the old man who is watching the door of elementary school has to tell you about it, and most of the things you say will not be a good thing.
Some people are to highlight themselves, some people are to show themselves, and some people are to show them about it. It is out of jealousy.
They believe from the bottom of their heart that everyone is a partner who grew up together and was on the same starting line at the beginning. Why did you Yue Yunpeng become a success? I still rush to repair my bicycle at home? "
Russell said: "Jealousy may be the most unfortunate one of all human nature. Due to jealousy, people do not draw happiness from the things they have, but they constantly draw pain from the things they have."
is jealous and cannot stand the good of others, which will only make their own path narrower and narrower.
Because while a person slanders others, he is also attacking himself inward, trapping himself in the abyss of pain, and losing the ability to perceive happiness.
There is a saying that goes: Just shine your own light, don’t blow out other people’s lights.
Only by jumping out of the vicious circle of jealousy and appreciating and blessing others from the bottom of your heart can your life go smoothly.
333 It is because I am too small
1917, Cai Yuanpei became the president of Peking University.
In order to correct the corruption of bureaucracy, he proposed the policy of "freedom of thought, inclusiveness", made drastic reforms, and re-hired professors.
A generation of masters of Chinese studies Gu Hongming is also among the invitations.
Gu Hongming is a firm guardian of Chinese traditional culture . He has long braids, wears Qing Dynasty clothing, opposes vernacular and vernacular poetry, and supports Zhang Xun's restoration of , which arouses strong dissatisfaction among teachers and students on campus.
Qian Xuantong and other pioneers of the new culture movement , denying him as a stubborn retro faction, disdained to join him, and wrote a letter in a joint letter asking him to be fired.
But Cai Yuanpei has no opinion of the portal. He believes that academic factions are relative, not absolute. Even if the opinions are different, as long as the words are "reasonable and persistent", they should be compatible.
Although some people say that Gu Hongming is a "hard-core royalist", he is well-versed in Chinese and Western languages, proficient in nine foreign languages, and is open and honest. He is still a rare and good teacher, so he supports him to continue to serve as Peking University.
Later, Gu Hongming's series of lectures "On the Spirit of the Chinese" taught by him were popular at Peking University and received widespread praise.
Chen Duxiu praised Cai Yuanpei: "This kind of elegance that can accommodate dissidents and respect academic freedom is rare among the Easterners."
movie "The Founding of the Party" ▲Gu Hongming (left) Cai Yuanpei (right)
Today, in terms of the reform and development of Chinese universities, Cai Yuanpei is still an unattainable peak.
Someone said: "The distance a person can reach will not be far beyond his eyes."
Indeed, vision determines the pattern, and pattern is doomed to the end.
The pattern is too small, and what you see is just the tip of the iceberg. It lacks diversified thinking. You can only observe people and make things happen based on narrow cognition. It is inevitable that you will be biased;
People with open-mindedness stand high and look far, control the overall picture of things, and naturally fewer and fewer people can't stand it, and more and more things can be pretended.
Qian Zhongshu once wrote: "Introspection can be used to observe others, and observing others can also help you know."
"Observing others" is also "observing oneself". The world you see in your eyes is essentially a reflection of your heart.
Many times, we can't stand others. It's not that others really have problems, but that we don't recognize ourselves.
There is a saying: People are more important to know themselves, and then they will reflect on themselves and eventually they will be self-disciplined.
All in advance attribute to , and only then can you grow outward and meet a better self.
The most advanced cultivation is to please everyone; the deepest self-discipline is to look at everyone.
Life is long, put your heart towards others and have more insight and reflection on yourself.
Only by giving others goodwill and being beneficial to oneself can we move forward steadily and grow broader and broader.
Author Profile: Ding Xixi, a columnist of Fushu, a person with Fushu, write warm words and live a comfortable life, this article: Fushu, the best friend around you, Fushu launched a new book "Life Well" in 2018
