There will always be anxiety coming to you in life;
not only will it come, but it will always come in disorganized ways.
is confused about negative emotions, which is one of the important reasons why anxiety is difficult to get rid of;
It is difficult for people to to , so when problems and conflicts arise, they will externally attribute the reasons;
weird people have joys and sorrows, and strange moons have phases!
Which kind of people are prone to anxiety ?
Who is the person who is often anxious? The answer is who thinks he is ;
When a person defaults to the facts, most of the situation will only lead to anxiety.
Jin Yong martial arts novel " Tianlong Bazi " has such a person who has been well-read poetry and books since childhood, has the talent of a general and aspires to serve the country, has a prominent family background, is famous outside, has a beautiful woman, and has a group of talented people and talented people under him.
Compared with the three protagonists, he has an unshakable chance of winning no matter how he looks at it;
is such a person who takes up all the right time, place and people, but in the end he was defeated and anxious and mentally ill. What is the problem with
?
The answer is: should be ;
From the beginning, he was sure that having such generous conditions is not the son of God, and he should achieve great things. Who else is me?
You are the protagonist of yourself , but not someone else's
However, what is really right is that everyone will unswervingly think that they are the protagonist, just like you.
A girl who graduated from graduate school has fair skin and beautiful appearance and is talented;
One day, she said to her friend angrily: There is a man chasing me.
Friend asked in surprise: Isn’t this a good thing?
The girl said angrily: What's so good? It's so bad. She said she wanted to treat me to dinner, but she said it was a traffic jam on the road when she got off work. Don't you know how to set off early? What makes people even more angry is that they actually came empty-handed when they invited me to dinner. They didn't know how to buy a bunch of flowers, and he came over in plain clothes. He was so angry that he came.
Before my friend could speak, the girl continued: A girl as outstanding as me, of course, who pursues me should be a particularly outstanding person.
Obviously, girls do not accept the fact that they are pursued by an ordinary person.
Most people’s anxiety comes from unacceptable.
Maybe you are ashamed to admit it, but a blooming lotus cannot determine whether its viewer is a gentle gentleman or a gangster with ill-hearted heart.
Although you ask yourself to marry a gentleman, he also feels that he should eat swan meat.
You have the right to reject all people who are dissatisfied with you, but you cannot ask everyone who pursues you to satisfy you;
In fact, no one has the obligation to satisfy you;
In primitive society, everyone has and only one obligation to ensure self-happiness at all costs, not the happiness of others.
But now it is a civilized society, and everyone is equal;
What is equality? Equality is relative,
is your hope that will be round no matter when you see the moon, but the only thing you can decide is when you see it yourself, not when the moon will be round.
equality means that everyone is given the right to choose, not the right to adjudicate.
When you mistakenly think that you have the right to make a judgment, you will naturally experience huge psychological conflicts and lead to anxiety;
An important prerequisite for solving anxiety is to distinguish what is "you expect" and what is "you requested"
"I hope will do the best" and "I should do the best " are two concepts
There is a kind of anxiety called success anxiety; it is when you have a goal or a wish, an absolute requirement for success must be produced;
A young man who took the civil service exam for the postgraduate examination found his friend very angry and complained: I have been studying for so long, and I still have many basic questions just now. Do you dare to believe it? How can I pass the exam at this level?
Friend looked at him in confusion and didn't say anything;
Seeing this, the young man continued: What are the problems? If you continue like this, you will learn nothing.
Seeing that the young man was reluctant to give in, my friend asked: Do you think you have studied for so long? How long does it take?
Youth replied: About three months;
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The young man said disdainfully: Three months is enough, it’s just a little bit of it over and over again.
Friend replied: Some civil servants who went ashore while working and taking exams took several years. Those who went ashore like you took the full exam at least annually. In addition, there are many people who failed the exam. You have only been studying for three months, so it should be normal for you to have questions you don’t know, right?
Young people disagreed and continued: You don’t know that you haven’t learned this. This is a question of cultural common sense, and it is not difficult at all.
Friend replied: It is true that I have never had the exam and don’t know much about you, but I don’t think I can’t be too anxious about this matter. After all, it’s their reason for everyone to say that it’s difficult to get ashore;
The young man replied impatiently: Don’t stand and speak without a pain in your back, don’t be in a hurry? If you can't get to the shore, it will be all over.
Looking at the young man with anxiety on his face, my friend was silent...
Does it mean success after working hard? Obviously not. is successful and has thousands of bones 4. In addition to success, it also has white bones.
What is success?
A honest person, the breeze goes up to the sky, so as not to speak for a long time, and the truth will be successful;
A powerful person, a thousand hammers and a needle, one upside down, and the goal will be successful. The definition criteria for success of
have always been relative; the real reason for anxiety is the attitude towards the standards; is hope or should it be.
It directly determines whether you are in the process or the end.
When you are in "hope", every step on the road is a booster to success. The more you act, you will feel closer and closer to the goal;
When you are in "should", every step on the road is a stumbling block to success. The more you act, you will feel farther and farther away from the goal.
What is " expect "? What is " should "?
Albert Ellis said: No one can be sure that you will succeed, and you will succeed just because you like success very much.
People who maintain this belief will think when they encounter a little setback. What should they do if they cannot succeed? They will feel anxious in this situation for a long time.
It is a great thing to have goals and pursuits in itself, but turning expectations into deserves will cause anxiety. What is the expectation of
? It is the mysterious yearning that we work hard to climb that mountain, and the sea radiating tempting light on the other side of the mountain. What should
be? You ask that you will definitely see the sea when you cross that mountain.
But after a long journey, most people have never seen the sea from beginning to end.
Only those who do not believe in the sea and those who complain that they do not see the sea.
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