1: High expectations lead to low self-esteem?
People believe that high expectations will naturally lead to disappointment . William James The formula written in the 19th century, he said self-esteem = success/expectation.
For example, let's assume my expectation is to earn $4,000 a month, but in fact I earn $2,000 a month. According to William James' formula, my self-esteem is 0.5. On the other hand, let's say my expectation is to make $1500 a month, and in fact I make $1500 a month. According to this formula, my self-esteem and my happiness level are 1. Even though I actually earn less, my self-esteem and my level of happiness have increased, so lower your expectations.
is not the case. Research over the past 35 years has found that the formula is actually wrong .
Let's draw a picture. The horizontal coordinate is time and the vertical coordinate is my self-esteem level and happiness level. Let's start with my basic level, and then I took the midterm exam for positive psychology , I did not take the test well , what will happen to my self-esteem? What will happen to my happiness? of course it will drop , which is natural. But Daniel Gilbert's research on effective predictions shows that is soon back to our basic happiness level .
Then a week later, I took the exam again, for example, the midterm exam for math class No. 55, I did very well in , which was higher than I expected. How would my self-esteem and happiness curve change? it rose, but it fell soon.
is so repeated, the joys and sorrows in life, whether I have obtained a tenured position or not, whether I have won the lottery or lost money, I have been up and down at a basic level of happiness in .
2: How to improve the basic level of happiness
to face problems instead of escaping . Facing means putting yourself on the risk line, not asking you to take risks when you panic, but letting go when you relax, taking the risk of failure, solving, dealing with, and facing things that are important to you. For example, if you participate in a drama audition, express your unspoken views during discussions, go to places you really want to go but have never been to, and try it. The reasons are as follows:
1) Self-perception theory . For example, if I face it and I try it, then I think this is a courageous person. The conclusion I came to about myself is that I must have a high self-esteem. My self-esteem and happiness level will rise over time. Although our happiness still has ups and downs, the ups and downs are like slashes rising, rather than wandering on a straight line or parallel line.
2) Once we experience failure, we realize that it is not as bad as we think . The pain of failure imagined in our minds is much more than the pain of actual pain. When we recovered, we knew that I could handle it and I must be an adaptable person.
3) will have more success after working hard to face it. If you fail to learn, or learn in failure, there is no other way to succeed. .
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