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In the previous article, we know what native family has brought us. Below I will talk about the new mode of behavioral strategies and parents and others.
Action is the beginning of change and will bring new life choices. Not only do we need to look at the problem from a different perspective. True freedom depends on us to change our own behavior.
As we continue to uncover scars and conduct in-depth exploration of painful childhood experiences, we hope that through these methods, you will be able to redefine yourself, find your lifestyle, and rebuild a new confidence and self-worth.
Embrace your inner child and repair the personality defects brought by your native family.
1. Don’t be "deceived" by superficial forgiveness. [Many times forgiveness and forgetting means pretending that nothing has happened]
Before forgiveing and hurting your parents, clarify your emotions first; vent your anger and do not weaken or erase the hurt you have suffered. And let them recognize the facts that have happened, assume their responsibilities, and show the meaning of compensation, so that forgiveness is meaningful.
2. Understand the connection between misconceptions, negative feelings, and self-destructive behaviors.
Examine your inner feelings [Fear, happiness or pain; obedience or confrontation are all caused by entangled relationships]; question those wrong ideas and self-destructive behaviors hidden in your mind, abandon them and have their true self.
3. Self-definition [Not influenced by others, freely own your beliefs, emotions and behaviors]
When you do your best to change yourself without hesitation, you must endure their dissatisfaction with yourself. This is a necessary process. [Keep the integrity of your own emotions and be true to your own inner thoughts, which does not mean selfishness] In addition, you must learn to use non-defense responses to attack - retreat - defense - upgrade "[I'm sorry, I don't agree; sorry to make you sad, etc. Similar reactions] There is also a position, don't say that I can't wait to make the most real response in my heart.
4. Recognize the main responsibility, and don't punish yourself again.
When the responsibility is in the person who is responsible, you will be full of anger at the pain that is put on us and the initiators of these pains. And these suppressed anger is like a time bomb , uncontrollable will be devastating. [Methods to effectively manage anger: allow yourself to be angry, don’t suppress it; express your anger reasonably; increase your exercise volume; turn anger into a source of motivation for self-definition, etc.] Of course, the responsibility is attributed to your parents, not to let you kick away all the responsibility for self-damaging behavior, nor to encourage you to complain that "it is all their fault."
5. Be prepared to confront your parents [overcome the fear of facing parents]
confrontation with parents is not to punish them for revenge, but to tell the truth and overcome the fear of facing them, because Only in this way can you not transfer these to your spouse or children [After all, if it is not returned, it will be transferred]
Confrontation with your parents can be done by writing letters, interviews, etc. Of course, you must be firm in your heart, and at the same time you should pay attention to methods, state facts, and make demands and expectations.
For example, parents' reaction:
There is no such thing at all [Your response: You don't remember it does not mean that things have not happened]
We have tried our best [Your response: I know your life is very difficult, and I also want to believe that you did not hurt me on purpose. But I want You understand that the way you deal with your own problems really hurt me]
…………
Of course, there are parents who say they will break off relationships, etc., but you still have to bravely stick to your persistence. This is a long process, and it cannot be changed overnight. During or after the confrontation, even if your parents get up angrily and abandon you, or the plan is interrupted... you still did it. In your future life, you will not be limited by the previous role relationship.
6. If you can't do it yourself, you can find a professional psychologist to help.
The biggest difference between a toxic and healthy family system is that family members, as individuals, have a lot of freedom to express their thoughts. Healthy families advocate individuality, personal responsibility and independence, and encourage children to develop their own satisfaction and self-esteem. The toxic family system suppresses the personality of each family member, creates confusing personal boundaries, and does not distinguish between each other. Thoughts and behaviors must be consistent with toxic parents. Such families refuse to face crises, be secretive or blame others randomly.
When you break the loop of the old family pattern, it is not only for yourself, but also for your children or future family to shape a better future.
