01
I saw a post on Zhihu: What should I do if my wife doesn’t want to live with my mother? Should I take her to see a psychiatrist?
The male protagonist who asked the question was really thinking from a strange perspective. Just because his wife didn’t want to live with his mother, he took her to see a psychiatrist.
Why don’t you take your mother to see a psychiatrist? Why does she have to live with you? It's as if his wife cannot accept living with his mother because his wife has a psychological problem.
Let’s briefly analyze what the male protagonist said:
He has been in love with his wife for more than four years and just got married last year. The relationship between the two has always been very good, but later because his mother came more frequently, some troubles arose. . He and his wife live in City A, and his parents live in their hometown of City B. The house they live in was purchased in full by their parents.
comes more frequently because his mother does not have a job. He praised his mother for being a good wife and mother, good at cooking, and someone who could keep the house in good shape. As for his wife, she is a girl who was pampered by her family and cannot cook or do housework. His mother would nag his wife, meaning that she should be more diligent and help her take care of her son.
I’m surprised, Why should your wife take care of you ?
To put it bluntly, the purpose of your mother's coming here is to help you train your wife, so that your wife can become a good wife and mother like her. Please, when you get married, you want to form a family with the person you love, and the two of you respect and take care of each other; you don't want to treat your wife as your mother and ask her to take good care of you. How old are you? You have to rely on your wife to take care of you. What kind of thinking do you have? Can't you take care of yourself? My wife is not your mother, why should I take care of you?
Your mother has such thoughts, perhaps because of the feudal tradition; but as a person living in modern society, you still have such thoughts, which is really wrong.
I am particularly disgusted by some mothers-in-law who always ask their daughters-in-law to help her take care of their sons. Are they also worried that their daughters-in-law don’t know anything and can’t take care of their sons?
This kind of mother-in-law treats her son as a "prince", so she knows how to command her daughter to take good care of your son, and she is also worried that her daughter will not do well, but have you ever thought about your own problems? Your son is an adult and doesn't need care at all. It's the time when he needs to shoulder family responsibilities. Why do you still treat him as a "young master"?
Getting married is not about finding a new wife for yourself, but about truly becoming an adult.
In addition, the male protagonist’s wife has changed a lot. Not only has she learned to cook, she even does some housework. But no matter how she changed, her mother-in-law was still harsh on her, because her mother-in-law wanted her to take care of her son like her and become a person like her. Isn't this forcing her to do something difficult?
Everyone is an independent individual. Even if you are a mother-in-law, you have no right to ask your daughter-in-law to be the same person as you.
The male protagonist also thinks it is his wife's problem, saying that his wife is too small-minded, so she can't stand even a little bit of nagging.
His wife is good enough. Even if she is dissatisfied, she will not show it in front of his mother. She is so sensible and can control her emotions well, but she still does not get the understanding and support of her husband. In the end, she is rejected by her husband. It's really sad to complain about being small-minded and prepare to take her to see a psychiatrist.
His wife’s original words were: We were just newlyweds, and your mother came here every day, every month, and stayed for more than ten days and a half. It was too frequent, and she felt like she didn’t have her own time and space. Very unfree.
Anyone who encounters such a thing will go crazy.
If the male protagonist’s father-in-law comes so diligently, he must not be able to bear it.
Yes, your parents bought the house in full, but when the young couple gets married, they have to be given time and space to live independently. There will definitely be a lot of inconvenience for the two generations living together.Besides, they are still newlyweds and they don’t have a child yet, so why do they have to pester the young couple? Are you tired?
The male protagonist who asked the question should not suspect that his wife has a psychological problem. The person who should see a psychiatrist most is his mother.
02
Writing this, I think of Hua Lan’s mother-in-law in the TV series "Know or Not".
Hualan's mother-in-law is partial and thinks of ways to torment Hualan all day long. As for Hua Lan, she later found a concubine for her father-in-law. She was so busy that she had no time to interfere with Hua Lan and his wife. If the mother-in-law above also had a relationship crisis, she would probably not have time to run to her son's house all day long. I'm just too busy. Wouldn't it be nice to stay at home? Your son is already married, but you still have to live with your son. Isn't it a bit "child-obsessed"?
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live together, there will be conflicts.
Especially the kind of mother-in-law who wants to "point out" her daughter-in-law is even more annoying. Everyone has their own lifestyle. You can't force others to live according to your lifestyle. Does your lifestyle have to be right? Why do girls have to learn to cook and do housework? You can't teach your own son. Since you don't want your son to do it, then don't "point your fingers" at other people's daughters.
"I am an only child. I am the only one in the family. My parents have paid a lot for me. I feel sorry for my mother. My father doesn't like to talk to her. Now my son and daughter-in-law do not welcome her." , I saw this sentence Sometimes I just want to say, have you ever considered your mother's own problems? Why is even your father unwilling to pay attention to her?
A mother-in-law who has no job and no life circle of her own, and whose son has been the main focus of the family for a long time, is prone to psychological problems. She puts all her sense of value on her son. Her husband ignores her and she has no friends. Now that her son is married and lives in another city, she has nothing to do and cannot find her own sense of worth, so she runs to you whenever she has free time.
The reason is definitely not the hero’s wife, but the hero and his mother.
My mother-in-law and I lived together under the same roof for a year. We lived together mainly because my mother-in-law had to help me take care of the children and there was no other way. But my mother-in-law doesn’t particularly want to be here because she is from the north. When she comes to us, she is in a strange place and she is not used to it. Now my mother-in-law has returned home, just because she misses home. She never feels that our home is her home. She feels that her hometown is her real home.
So even though our house is large and beautifully decorated, she still likes to go back to her hometown in the small county town. Even though it's shabby, it's her home. For her, gold and silver are not as good as her hometown.
My mother-in-law is a very open-minded person and will not cause trouble for young people. She herself said: "I will help you take your little one to kindergarten, and then I will go home. I I don’t want to live with you. It’s so comfortable to live by myself. I don’t even have anyone to talk to. It’s different when I go back to my hometown. I’m familiar with everything. I can go wherever I want. There will still be a lot of inconveniences when people live together, and it’s good to live their own lives. "
, the male protagonist who asked the question, you should reflect more on yourself, stop putting pressure on your wife, and understand her more. . At the same time, find something for your mother to do, go to a senior college, let her expand her life circle, and don't always think about running away to you.
Everyone has their own life. If they are stuck together and cause internal strife and trouble all day long, then why are they still tied together? Separating as soon as possible is the best choice.
Today’s topic: Who do you think should see a psychiatrist? Welcome to leave a message.
- END -
★Author: YIBAO; an original emotional author who writes warm emotional things in this world.
