Hello everyone, I am a self-luminous student Yu, 35 years old, 165cm tall, and weigh 51.2kg. I am a full-time mother with a coordinated location in Shandong.
I am a student of the 46th issue and have been checking in the practice group for nearly a year.
Recently, I looked through my new photos and then looked at my past self. I always sighed in my heart that it is really not easy to go all the way.
You may think that my foundation is very good, and the changes are not that big. Indeed, some changes cannot be fully displayed through photos.
But I have indeed been inferior for more than ten years, and I feel incredible to think about it now.
It is precisely because of this that I want to share my story more, wanting to let more girls get out of the shadow of depression and inferiority as soon as possible, and don’t waste so much time again.
When I was adolescent, I was in a closed countryside in Shandong and my sense of love for beauty began to sprout.
In the second year of high school, I went to Jinan to study. This was my first time in a big city. I carefully tied two braids to give my new classmates a good impression, but the whole class was stunned when he saw me, and then he started to hold back his laughter and whisper.
I know that they are laughing at my braids, which looks like village girls. At that time, I discovered for the first time that the difference between myself and the outside world was so big.
(the clothing purchase taste still leaves the "country" mark)
Later I went to college and I went to Chengdu, Sichuan, a country of Tianfu, which is rich in beauties.
Southern girls envy my tall and slender figure, but when I fall into my own eyes, I feel silly and like their petite and weak feeling more.
Because I was afraid that others would be called rustic again, I only told my classmates that I came from Jinan and never talked about that rural growth experience.
Once, I bought a plaid coat. I felt super confident in looking at the mirror. I felt that after soaking in a big city for a long time, my vision of choosing clothes is getting higher and higher.
(similar)
I excitedly returned to the dormitory to share with my roommates, imagining what beautiful words they would praise me.
Unexpectedly, the roommates were in an uproar and said in a lingering manner, "Why is this dress so rustic?", "What do you think? Choose such an old-fashioned piece of clothing?"
The boy's mouth was unrestrained and there was no malice, but cold water poured on his hot head, and the chill finally hurt me.
That "rustic" memory attacked me again.
Sorry, I don’t have a photo to show you, because that dress has never seen the light of day again after 20 minutes of my body.
From then on, shopping is no longer a fun for me, but a terrifying feeling. Yes, I was frightened, I was afraid of choosing clothes that were ridiculed.
Even if I have a better figure than many people, I can't see it. All I see is low-quality and the village girl.
Later, I had my own small home and I thought I finally had someone who was not related but could love me unconditionally.
However, the arrival of the child broke all this. He was diagnosed with suspected autism. I quit my job and took care of the child day and night.
At that time, I was nervous, sloppy, and nagging. My husband would get angry if he didn't like him.
Because the slippers were not placed properly, my husband and I had another conflict. My husband blurted out, you are becoming more and more like an annoying resentful woman...
At that moment, I felt like falling into an ice cave. I am a village girl, I am a resentful woman. These words hit my temple , buzzing and hurting.
I began to resent, resent my parents' origins, resent my husband's sarcasm, and even resent why my children were not healthy. After resentment, I felt deeply sorry...
I began to find a way out, and I heard some psychological experts say that you should love yourself.
So I turned on the intermittent crazy buying and buying mode again. I want to be nice to myself and I want to make life a little sweet.
However, such beautiful and expensive clothes hanging on the hanger still cannot cover up the rustic spirit on me. I collapsed and questioned again and again.
The life at that time can be described in two words: out of control.
may be a strong vitality of a person, or "beauty" is the part that most girls are unwilling to give up. Even in the quagmire life, I always imagine what my ideal self and ideal life should look like.
In this imagination, I have read a lot of books and followed many teachers.
Finally, I met Miss J and met Self-luminous. This sentence from Miss J.
J suddenly woke me up:
Beauty is not a superficial appearance, but a presentation of inner self-relationship. Inferiority and twisting will appear on the face, covering up the original appearance.
Yeah! I stood with those who criticized me, always hitting myself and labeling myself negatively.
I suddenly understood that "love yourself" is not a superficial buying, but a appreciation of yourself from the bottom of your heart, suggesting yourself with positive words of encouragement, and treating yourself kindly.
That was the first time I looked in the mirror seriously. I finally saw my slender figure and beautiful face. The people in the mirror are so beautiful~ I have never recognized or appreciated it.
At that moment, I was filled with mixed feelings, both happy and regretful of the inferiority complex for so long in the past.
When I learned the class " Energy Field ", Ms. J said that we should distinguish the evaluations of others. Those evaluations themselves are both subjective and unreal. If psychological energy is damaged, we should learn to actively block them.
It was from this point on that I would never be concerned about the bad reviews of my appearance and clothing style.
And in the warm community, there are also a group of girls constantly cheering you up, praising you for your beauty and being stylish. With such nourishment, I have really seen more and more of my own advantages.
I finally took off the tinted glasses that were full of: "You have poor taste and you are rusty", and I learned to look at myself objectively.
Only then did I remember that although someone said that I was rustic, there were also many people who praised my swan neck as beautiful and my little tiger teeth for being so playful and cute when I smiled.
It was just because I thought I was too rustic at that time, and all these information were screened out as compliments and politeness.
I finally no longer buy clothes in fear. Even if one or two of them occasionally can’t be worn, I will not attack myself anymore.
What surprised me the most was that Miss J not only taught me how to dress, but also always shared a lot of thinking and life insights, which benefited me a lot.
For some conflicts with my husband, I can see the traces in his original family at a glance, and stand shoulder to shoulder with him to fight against the scars that were once there.
I will no longer be dissatisfied or quarreled about some apparent problems, but will slowly learn to understand, relieve it, and lead him to solve the problem together.
He will not be attacked by me at any time. The hard armor that used to be slowly falling off and gradually becomes gentle.
At the beginning, he was a little stubborn and said, "I didn't expect you to be at home every day and know so much."
Later, he became increasingly unconcealed his appreciation and dependence on me. He would discuss everything he encountered, and his eyes looked at me with light.
When I relaxed, my child's progress was also obvious. This autumn, this 3-year-old little boy finally entered the kindergarten smoothly like other children.
I can’t help but sigh at the child’s perception of energy. If you are nervous, he will naturally be nervous. Fear rushes ahead, so naturally he can’t do anything well.
You relax, give him freedom, give him time, and he will naturally grow and surprise you.
Now, I have found a new job and are ready to return to the workplace and create more value in the job I like.
I will never resent my child for delaying my career. I will tell him in the future that he will not be able to develop a strong mother without the experience of being with you. Thank you mom, from now on, mom is not afraid of anything.
I will never deliberately cover up the fact that I came from the countryside, because it will never affect me again.
Finally, I took back the control of life.
Do you think the changes in my life are brought about by me after I became beautiful?
I think it is not. Being beautiful is the result of the reconciliation with myself, not the reason.
I like a sentence from Teacher Nalan very much:
Love flows naturally. Only with love can one have the ability to love his family. Don’t dislike yourself not being gentle enough, but you may not have been treated gentle since you were young.
So I especially hope that those girls who are inferior and attacking themselves can see my story.
How I hope that you can walk a shorter path with dark thorns.
If no one treats you gently, then you should treat yourself gently and encourage yourself and cheer yourself up.
There are so many ugly girls in this world, only one pair of eyes that cannot find their own beautiful eyes!
So, I hope you all have eyes that discover your beauty. Even if you make mistakes occasionally, don’t give up or blame others. You will always go out of the smooth road.
