No matter how the relationship between husband and wife changes, the custody of the child cannot be changed.
In life, when some couples divorce, they will put the proper raising of their children first. Young children do not have the ability to live independently, and their parents are the ones they rely on during their childhood.
However, there are exceptions. Some parents only care about their own emotions, regardless of the interests of their children, and end up in an embarrassing situation.
This is the case for Lulu, who lives in , Xuchang, . She and her ex-husband have been married for 4 years, and their son was 2 years old when they divorced. The two parties agreed that the custody of their son would belong to the woman, and the man would give her 1,500 monthly living expenses.
At the beginning, both parties kept their promises until Lulu remarried and things changed.
After Lulu remarried, the husband proposed to change the child's surname, otherwise he would not accept it. In order to be able to take care of the child smoothly, Lulu secretly changed the child's surname without her ex-husband's consent.
She thought that as long as she didn't tell her, her ex-husband would not know about it. She never expected that her child would go to school four years later in the same class as her ex-husband's neighbor's children, and the change of surname would not be concealed.
Since then, her ex-husband has refused to pay child support. The reason is very simple: "If you change the child's surname, you are disowning us. Since the child has nothing to do with us, why should we pay child support?"
Lulu's reason is very simple. Directly: "Whether you change your surname or not, The blood relationship cannot be changed, and the alimony has been negotiated during the divorce, so it cannot be changed temporarily. "
What is even more embarrassing is that Lulu fell ill and lost the ability to work. Her husband was very dissatisfied with her and thought she was a drag. The family is also unwilling to spend money to educate her children.
Lulu found a mediator, hoping that her ex-husband could fulfill his promise and pay child support on time.
The mediator came to her ex-husband's home, but unexpectedly learned something that complicated the problem.
’s ex-husband’s parents revealed that when their son got married, they gave the girl a gift of 180,000 yuan. They didn’t take a cent of the gift back to her husband’s family, so that’s fine. They believed that as long as their daughter-in-law lived a good life, her life would get better.
After they got married, Lulu said she didn't want to work and wanted to invest in opening a restaurant. Her mother-in-law pooled more than 200,000 yuan for them. The couple opened the store for more than a year, but they didn't make a penny and lost hundreds of thousands. The husband's family is burdened with a heavy burden.
Because Lulu was pregnant, her mother-in-law didn’t say anything. Ever since she had the child, Lulu had not worked. She also demanded a high-quality life. Every meal should have meat and vegetables, and her clothes would be washed by her mother-in-law, and the children would be taken care of by her. After eating, she would hide in her room and play games.
The accumulation of conflicts led to the breakdown of the couple's relationship. When the couple divorced, the family still owed hundreds of thousands of foreign debts. All the foreign debts were borne by the man, and Lulu took away the child.
My husband’s family didn’t object at first, thinking that the child would get better care if he stayed with his mother. Unexpectedly, the child’s surname was changed, and he was very angry. In addition, the man fell ill and spent tens of thousands on medical expenses. After having no income for more than a year, they directly cut off the child support.
Putting aside the financial distress caused by poor health of both men and women, this incident reflects a sharp question: After the child changes his surname after divorce, does the father still have the obligation to pay child support?
Netizens are talking a lot and have different opinions.
- Someone said: "The right to have a surname is also a sense of belonging. The child can be taken away by the woman, but the child cannot be changed. The surname is the connection between the child and the man's family. If this bond is lost, the child will go further and further away from the man. There is nothing wrong with not paying child support.”
- Some people also said: “The child belongs to both parties, why should the girl secretly change the child’s surname? Since you want to cut off the relationship, don’t ask for child support. Fees, rights and obligations are equal."
- Others said: "The surname is just a symbol. You can object, but you cannot cut off the child support. The child is innocent. Since you brought the child into the world, no matter what happens to you, Everyone has the obligation to support everything. "
Everyone is arguing very lively. In fact, it comes back to the essence of the problem, which is respect and trust.
It is stipulated in the " Civil Code " that the child's right to bear a surname needs to respect the opinions of the spouse. In other words, it is against the regulations for a woman to change her child's surname privately. The man has the right to object, and he can also negotiate or file a lawsuit. , to ask the woman to correct herself.
But no matter what, it is not a reason for the man to refuse custody, because the child is innocent and needs the care of his parents before he reaches the age of 18.
If parents refuse to raise their children because of their surname rights, the person who will suffer the most is the child.
Some netizens shared their true experiences.
After his parents divorced, his mother remarried and his father remarried. Following his mother, he became a dragster.
At first, his mother was very patient with him, but after he had a younger brother, she ignored his existence and devoted herself to taking care of him. Even if it rained heavily, she would not give him an umbrella while he was studying, and his father didn't care about him either. No questions asked, not a penny for living expenses.
He lacked love since he was a child, and left his original family when he grew up. He looks lively and cheerful on the outside, but in fact he has low self-esteem on the inside.
When he meets someone he likes, he doesn't dare to show it. In his opinion, he doesn't seem to deserve the care of others. His parents have a very cold attitude towards him, and he doesn't know how to love others.
After he started working, his parents rushed to call him home and asked him to provide living expenses to the family regularly. He knew in his heart that what his parents loved was not him, but their money.
The love he did not receive from his native family made him wary of the people around him. Even if a girl showed affection for him, he did not dare to show her sincerity. The reason was simple: he was afraid of gaining and losing again.
This may be the tragedy of children from divorced families. They do not lack parents, but they cannot get the love they want.
Parents consider alimony as benefits, while children need care for their growth.
I sincerely hope that parents can change their perspective, think more about their children and control their desires less. Even if they want to change their children's surname, they must discuss it with the other party in advance and obtain their consent.
In this life, we not only live for ourselves. When we deal with things, we need to abide by some principles of life.
has more constraints for greater freedom.
In the final analysis, there is no unified rule on the surname of a child. It does not matter whether it is the boy or the girl. What parents need to do is respect. It is not appropriate to change the surname privately.
What do you think of this? Do you think if parents are divorced, should they change their children’s surnames privately?
