My name is Xie Xiaonan. The story of my boyfriend Ding Xiaojie and I will start with the college entrance examination 18 years ago.
18 That summer, when the college entrance examination scores came down, I was silent. What made me sadder than the poor grades was that from now on, I might never see my beloved again. The boy buried deep in his heart had unknowingly fallen in love with him for three years.
Until a party soon after, when I saw Ding Xiaojie again, I heard that he got into college as he wished, and his whole heart was broken. That night, I, who never drank alcohol, drank several bottles of beer alone. Finally, when the song ended, I grabbed Ding Xiaojie's hand and said what I kept in my heart.
That night, there were no fireworks or stars, and there were only scattered pedestrians on the streets of the small county town. We held hands without hugging or kissing, and walked silently until late at night.
Since then, we have been in a relationship for several years. It’s a pity that he only accompanied me for one summer vacation because he was going to go to college 500 kilometers away. Before leaving, I burst into tears. I thought that the two of them would look at each other from a distance in the future. The reluctance of being reluctant to leave was simply unspeakable.
In that era when mobile phones were not popular, the only way for us long-distance lovers was to write letters. After graduating from high school, I worked in my hometown in the countryside. Every day when I went home, I would go to the village committee to see if there were any letters from Ding Xiaojie. I cherish every letter he sent very much. After reading it several times, I reluctantly kept it. In that young and simple era, this may be the so-called love. It is not miserable to any material desires, but only the collision of two hearts.
The next time we meet is a few months later, the Spring Festival. He told me that the world outside is very beautiful. When he succeeds in his studies, he must take me out and take a look. I, a silly village girl, am completely intoxicated by the beautiful world compiled by Ding Xiaojie.
At that time, I always thought the winter vacation was too short. In the blink of an eye, Ding Xiaojie was going back to school again. Before leaving, he told me that he might not come back this summer vacation because he would take advantage of the holiday to go out to work and reduce the burden on his family. I naturally agree with him working part-time, but this means that our next reunion will be nowhere to be achieved. I held back my tears and advised him to take care of his health.
Ding Xiaojie looked at me foolishly and said, "Actually, I have fallen in love with you since the first day of school... Unexpectedly, the first one who spoke first was a taciturn girl... After I graduated from college, I will definitely marry you..."
I am afraid that there is no more touching promise in the world than this. I hold my hand and grow old together. A seemingly simple word carries heavy love.
After he left, I worked as usual. On many sleepless nights, the saying "I will marry you when I graduate." But two months later, my mother started to arrange a blind date for me. When I wrote the letter to Ding Xiaojie, he joked that I should find a rich guy to marry quickly. Fortunately, he found a beautiful female college student at school. After hearing his slightly sarcastic joke, I felt uncomfortable. Is this considered jealous? Since I had made a private life with Ding Xiaojie, I decisively rejected my mother's kindness based on the excuse of being young.
That summer, he did not come back, but went to work further away. We didn't contact each other for a summer vacation, and when we communicated again, it was already two months later. He said that he earned a lot of money, which could support half a year's tuition. In the letter, he mentioned many times that he missed me very much and wished me well.
I held the letter paper in my arms, as if I was holding my beloved him. From now on, even if the road is far away, I will be with you in my life and death.
Next, we were still communicating and contacting each other as usual. Three months later, after I heard that he would not go home during the Spring Festival, I cried loudly. I began to hate him a little. How could he bear to not see me for so long? I began to wonder if he had a crush at school, so he deliberately avoided me.I was thinking a lot and wrote down the anxiety in my heart and sent it to him, but found that he answered irrelevant questions. He always said that he was good, missed me very much, and never answered my questions positively.
Love is so heartbreaking. It’s fine if two people can’t meet, but now they still have to torture me like this.
He really didn't go home during the Spring Festival that year. I feel anxious. Maybe it's out of a woman's sixth sense, I always feel something is wrong with him. Ding Xiaojie seemed to have changed, becoming impossible for me to see through. In addition, I read a faint sadness from his letters, a sense of inexplicable helplessness.
Sure enough, women's premonition is really accurate. It was almost summer vacation again, and he actually said he wanted to work in another place. This time, I no longer believed his lies and ran to school desperately. That was my first time taking the train, and a thin girl ran alone to a strange city 1,000 miles away. After arriving at the local area, I found that the school had been on holiday and there was no one on the campus, so I lost my way back. After enduring at home for several days and nights, I finally plucked up the courage to run to Ding Xiaojie's house. But his door was locked and I returned in disappointment again.
Ding Xiaojie, it seems that the world has evaporated. But how should I explain the letter he sent to me on time? I was anxious and even had some mental disorders. Since then, I haven't sent him a letter a month later, but Ding Xiaojie replied to the letter on time...
I couldn't give up and boarded the train out again. This time, I found their class as I wish, but did not see Ding Xiaojie, but received a suicide note handed to me by his classmate.
It turns out that Ding Xiaojie has been dead for eight months. This was like a bolt from the blue, hitting my heart, which was on the verge of breaking. I thought he was just a love affair, but I never expected that it would be such an ending.
When his classmate saw me, he told the truth with tears in his eyes: "Last summer, Xiaojie originally planned to go to work, but during the physical examination, he was accidentally diagnosed with cancer. Xiaojie was depressed all day long. Although his uncle and aunt arranged to give him active treatment, he was powerless to make things happen... Xiaojie said before leaving that you are the one he is most worried about, and you are the one he is the one he is most sorry for... So he wrote a lot of letters every day, asking us to send them to you as scheduled... He was afraid that you would be sad if you couldn't receive the letter..."
I finally understood why his reply always answered questions... But is a good person just gone? The person I love the most is gone? He made a promise to marry me, and did it disappear with the end of his life?
My eyes were red in tears, and I opened the suicide note tremblingly, and I saw it: Dear, I'm sorry, I can't marry you in my life, but you must be obedient, live well, find a good person who loves you more than me, and marry you. May you be well.
I collapsed on the ground and suddenly lost all my spiritual support. Is this a big joke God made for me? Why did you take away it was him? The man I have loved for so long.
(written based on netizens' complaints, welcome to follow, comment, and like. The pictures are from the Internet, and the pictures and texts are irrelevant)
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