There is a very popular question on Zhihu: "What does it feel like to have a child who lacks confidence since childhood?"
Many netizens left messages:
speaks very little;
dare not look at people's faces, refuse to speak and express;
never or rarely refuse others;
try not to move and not speak when there are many people;
try not to move and not speak;
feels like If you are not excellent, you are not worthy of attention and love;
...
Parenting Expert Qian Zhiliang once said that people with inferiority complex will feel dissatisfied with their abilities, personality or behavioral performance, do not attach importance to the value of their own existence, lack confidence in what they want to do, are pessimistic about the requirements put forward in the environment, are prone to denying themselves, and in severe cases, they will even be out of reality, causing difficulties in adaptation and hindering the healthy development of their personality.
is not just adults. For children, children with inferiority complex have fragile feelings, are prone to sentimentality, are often ashamed of themselves, are afraid that others will hurt themselves, and choose to avoid and retreat when encountering a little difficulty, and lose a lot of the joy of childhood.
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Inferiority psychology refers to a psychological state in which a person thinks that his or her abilities are not as good as others, often underestimates and belittles himself, resulting in a subjective mood. Inferiority is a vicious cycle of self-negation and self-doubt, and is harmful to children's growth, learning, and interpersonal communication.
No child is born with inferiority. Most of the reasons why children are inferior is due to the wrong family education .
So, what kind of family will cause children’s inferiority complex?
Parents who like to criticize their children
Many parents often amplify their children's shortcomings and cannot see the highlights of their children. No matter what the children do, they cannot get the affirmation and encouragement of their parents. They often scold their children: "Why are you so stupid?", "Nothing can't be done well!", "Look at other people's children, it's so worry-free."...
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Such words with criticism and accusation will only make children slowly lose confidence and gradually become inferior and introverted.
What’s worse is that if parents ignore their children’s self-esteem for a long time and often scold their children’s mistakes in front of their children’s companions and outsiders, the child will be placed in the shadow of self-esteem frustration and become less and less confident in front of their peers.
Qualified parents should not only be willing to criticize their children when they make mistakes, but also be generous with praise to their children.
Parents who like to talk against the contrary
Speak slander is the most commonly used educational method for parents to "protect" their children.
Parents who have watched " Daughters' Love " can feel that Selina Ren Jiaxuan's father has this personality.
When Ren Jiaxuan first released a record for the first time, Ren's father poured cold water: "This is the first record you posted in your life and the last one."
Because of this sentence, Ren Jiaxuan's entire adolescence was under great pressure. She said: "My efforts and my achievements have become worthless in the eyes of my father."
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Until the first concert of SHE, Ren's father came to the scene in surprise. Only then did Ren Jiaxuan realize that his father has always been very happy and proud of her. Those criticisms are slanderous words, which are just slanderous words that his father said to make her down-to-earth.
Once in a variety show, Ren’s father said, “Just like we go hiking, others climb slowly, and you will feel accomplished after experiencing wind, rain and falling, but you have taken a helicopter and rushed up.”
Ren’s father was afraid that his daughter Ren Jiaxuan would not rise too fast and was not down-to-earth enough, so he mocked her for “only posting a record once.” Although the misunderstanding was solved, Ren’s father’s “spoken education” also caused irreversible psychological harm to Ren Jiaxuan.
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Not only that, Ren Daddy was the same when educating his sister Ren Rongxuan .
Ren Rongxuan is also a particularly outstanding girl, but in terms of love, she has no confidence in herself.
From the beginning of my first love, my father "protected" her by slander. In order to prevent her daughter from being too simple, he gave her daughter a dose of vaccination for the cruelty of this world. Although she obviously liked her daughter's boyfriend, she insisted on denying her daughter's vision, always saying that they were unstable, would quarrel, and would break up.
Ren’s father did not give her too much advice in love , but used sarcasm-like slander, which made Ren Rongxuan never believe that she could find a good partner and became unconfident in her feelings.
After many years, the father expressed his feelings as a daughter for the first time: "Actually, I like it very much, and my mother also likes it very much (your first love boyfriend)."
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Ren Rongxuan burst into tears in one second: "Really fake?"
This is the first time she heard her father affirm her love in person. It turns out that the slanderous words that the father said were to prevent her daughter from being cheated too simply, but unexpectedly, it made her daughter lose confidence in herself.
says sarcasticly, it seems to be the "protection" of parents. In fact, for children, it is endless suppression and distrust, which will only make children become less and less confident.
Parents who use the method of slandering education may really make their children excellent, but they may also lead to irreversible tragedies.
Adele Farber, a famous American children's scientist, once said: "Never underestimate the influence of your words on your child's life."
These "spoken words" that are inadvertently said are invisible harm to children. They are like sharp knives, deeply rooted in the heart of children, leaving painful memories for children. However, many parents don’t realize this.
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On the contrary, the famous American entrepreneur and CEO of General Electric Group O Jack Welch was once a very inferior child.
He mentioned in his autobiography: He was young because he was short and had some stuttering, so he felt particularly inferior. His mother keenly noticed his inferiority complex, so she told him that the stuttering was because he was too smart and no tongue could keep up with his smart head.
It was because of my mother's words that Jack let go of his heart.
Parents who do everything for their children
Many parents often think that their children are young and ignorant, and are always just children, but their ideas and decisions are the most correct.
So involuntarily make decisions on behalf of the child in many things, regardless of the child's feelings, and does not give the child the opportunity to think independently. No matter what the child says, he will respond with "negation".
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Children who grow up under such family education will only rely on the meticulous care of their parents and have passive and negative emotions about their own learning. When the children grow up and enter school or enter society, they will face more and more growth problems.
However, because parents over-constraint everything, when a child encounters problems, he will lack the ability to deal with problems and become timid and has no opinion. This is not only not conducive to the growth of the child, but also makes the child unable to bear the weight of life and gradually becomes inferior.
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Confident children, no matter what situation they are in, they are open and calm when doing things. Therefore, we all hope that our children will become confident
But as parents, we should all know that children must first have self-esteem in order to have self-confidence.
Confidence does not come from criticism and beating. Care, trust and encouragement are important driving forces for children to resist setbacks and stay away from inferiority.
If you want your children to make progress, confidence and growth, we might as well turn every word of "accusation" into encouragement to warm the children's hearts.
Picture source from the Internet
British psychologist Hadfield said: "When people are confident, they can realize their potential to more than 500%, while people without confidence and inferiority can only exert 30% of their abilities.”
recognizes children, allows them to try and make mistakes, accepts their negative emotions, protects their young self-esteem, and gives them more warm hugs!
