Fu Seoul choked up when talking about the story of her spurting her husband in marriage in "The Debater"...
She was 25 years old that year.Fu Seoul said to Lao Liu on the overpass: "We have nothing now, but if we work together, we will have it sooner or later."
Because of this sentence, she spurred Lao Liu while spurring herself. Under her spur, Lao Niu had sold insurance and durian and was cheated of money.
She thinks that all this encouragement is correct. Only in this way can Lao Liu have greater ambition and his life can become better.
But one night, she got up and found Lao Liu alone on the balcony, smoking alone. She suddenly realized that Lao Liu had always been unhappy and she felt sad...
The former one who rode her bike to work by herself, laughed and said to her, "It is the best time to be with you." It seemed that he had disappeared, and he never heard this sentence again.
It turns out that love is not for the life I want to change you, nor does it mean that both of you work hard to live a good life. Even if two people do something very boring together, they will feel happy.
If you just want to transform her, you will feel more and more that this is a difficult task and marriage management becomes more and more difficult.
Some love is to change its flavor and fade through mutual transformation.
According to big data survey, 77.51% of couples divorced because of "emotional discord".
Fear before marriage, but after marriage it becomes "emotional discord"!
keep arguing about trivial matters, picking on the other party is not your ideal partner, always thinking that the other party is not motivated or paying attention to him. All of this is actually: the other party does not meet his expectations.
The failure to meet expectations is due to your dissatisfaction with your partner. You think marriage is a matter between two people. Only when both of them have put in equal effort can it be considered fair in marriage and the relationship can get better.
But in fact, a good marriage should not be like this!
Let’s assume that in married life, your husband’s ability to live is almost zero.
can't tie a bow, can't tell the difference between left and right feet, and hold the chopsticks and grab them like a child.
During your hospitalization, he poured ink on the tablecloth alone at home, smashed the lamp, damaged the door, and could not repair it by himself. What would you feel like?
In reality, when encountering this situation, the husband often faces the scolding and anger of his wife.
But there is a couple who have made such a marriage a desirable marriage and are a role model for love.
They are Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang.
Faced with Qian Zhongshu's "destruction", Yang Jiang always tolerated him the most, and comforted her husband and said, "It doesn't matter, I can clean the tablecloths and repair things."
Qian Zhongshu once said to Yang Jiang: "Before meeting you, I had never thought about getting married. After meeting you, I had never thought about others getting married."
Nei are not perfect people, and they never thought about changing each other according to their own ideas. In marriage, they tolerate each other, but they also leave each other space for each other. Qian Zhongshu specializes in his literature, and Yang Jiang has always retained her hobbies.
It is precisely because of this that Yang Jiang did not fall into the trivialities of her marriage life, and at the same time made her life more diverse, making her attitude towards life more optimistic and tenacious. Therefore, after losing her only daughter and husband, she still lived up to time and lived her own wonderful life.
A good marriage is to regard yourself as the center of life, not the center of your husband and children, otherwise what you see is the other person’s shortcomings and the mess of life. Only by keeping one's own heart and being transparent can one clean your mind.
teacher Zhang Defen, the translator of the best-selling book "Intimate Relationship", once said in Fan Deng's speech: "Dear, there is no one outside, only you." It means that all this is about yourself.
If you see the deepest problems in your heart and can accurately understand what you really need in marriage? And work hard for it and use love to solve these trivial matters in life, then your efforts alone are enough to make your marriage life better.
Once you think that it takes both parties to work together to operate better, even if you make 100% of your efforts alone, it will only have 50% effect.
Teacher Zhang Defen, who was once a glorious TV news anchor, went to the United States to study and worked as a marketing manager of a well-known company. After taking off the brilliance of his appearance, he finally calmed down and became a housewife for four years. He pursued his heart and was hailed as an influential spiritual writer in the Chinese-speaking world.
Based on her spiritual insights over the past few years, she created her first spiritual novel "Meet the Unknown Self".
"Meet the Unknown Self" tells the story of a white-collar woman in the urban class who gradually shifts her eyes from the external world to the inner world through conversations with the elderly and other supporting roles (the elderly students), through various events that may be encountered every day, and then finds that most people are not the masters of their lives, or even slaves to their thoughts and emotions.
The book discusses how the life pattern is formed from the three aspects of body, mind and soul, and how to manipulate the body and mind. It also provides practical and effective methods to solve these patterns, thereby freeing the shackles of thoughts, emotions and the body.
The famous writer Wu Danru once commented on this book: "This is a very infectious novel and a spiritual guide to modern people's work, marriage and life."
movie star Yang Mi also recommended this book: This is a book that is useful to herself, because it not only talks about psychological treatment, but also tells readers how to find their true id.
We all need such strength to clean up our minds, sweep away the storm of marriage, sweep away the slack of life on the ground, leave a place of peace for our minds, and live out the inner confidence and self.
Buddha said: We all have the ability to love, and these things are originally there.
Each of us has the weapon of love and the power to change marriage. We are all independent individuals who pursue happiness. Be yourself, love yourself, and pursue the true self. You don’t need to get some attention and special care from your spouse. Life can still be wonderful.
In marriage, loving yourself is more important than being loved.
[Conclusion]
In marriage, we all expect to be loved, so we project this expectation on our partners.
In fact, what can nourish each other's relationship should be love rather than expectation. The best love is to keep your true self and maintain your inner self.
Stop expecting, and start to be responsible for your own life. You are the master of your life.
Thank you for reading, I will continue to share good books with you in the next issue. If you have good books to recommend, please share them in the message area.
Let us read a book together, empower ourselves, help ourselves grow, and share it with others. See you next time!
