article | Special author of Xinzhizhu Yunzhizhi
Are you having a dull but tasteless marriage?
Maybe you have become accustomed to it because you can't find any problems or find any reason to change it.
Isn’t this what life is like?
can be monotonous, dull and boring, boring and emptiness continue to spread in your heart.
Are you still passionate about your work?
Maybe you are doing an enviable job, but every day is full of trivial things.
wants to change, but cannot change; if you want to rely on, you are surrounded by people who rely on you.
Even if you have a lot of dissatisfaction, you can only choose to bow your head and endure it.
people are in middle age, are you really satisfied with your current self?
How do vulgar women collapse?
Recently, the well-known TV series " Vulgar Girls' Development Record " tells such a story.
The heroine Chen Jialin in the play was 39 years old. She has been away from home for more than 20 years and has achieved nothing. In terms of work,
, it sounds tall and outstanding as a boss’s special assistant.
is actually a maid and has to satisfy the boss's 24-hour private service.
For the boss, she needs to prepare every document and arrange every itinerary in detail.
do you think this is the end? This is less than one-tenth of her job.
She also has to take care of her boss’s family, from her boss’s wife to her mistress, in every detail.
usually has no room to go to the toilet.
or even a pregnancy test stick with the right hand, and a fatal series of calls from the boss’s wife with the left hand.
smiled and enthusiastically met all the strange requirements such as feeding medicine, feeding fruits, and taking photos.
I dare not neglect the boss’s mistress.
Even the boss and mistress have to conduct a private meeting with the mistress to see the house.
What should I do if I meet a brain-dead boss and have had enough of a lot of messy things?
resigned?
can save a stack of resignations and see the balance. There are always many dissatisfactions, and you have to bow to the money.
is in a hurry to work, and feelings are hard to describe.
is not so much a couple, but rather a roommate who lives together.
in love for four years and lived together for three and a half years.
"Love" has long been gone, and what is left is just habits.
at least pretend to be passionate and give life some seasonings.
Everything is ready, but fortunately I found out that my aunt came.
is so good! Tacitly understood, smiled at each other, and then did their own things.
My boyfriend watched a movie in the living room, and Chen Jialin also went back to her room to read a magazine.
Even their respective spaces keep a distance between strangers without disturbing each other.
Have not been married yet, but there is a complicated relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Mother-in-law has to do anything, from small clothes to large work, and also learn yoga and cooking.
The most annoying thing is that the boyfriend will only say, "My mother is kind-hearted."
manages seriously and maintains it carefully for 4 years, but the "good man" he gets is a roommate who lives together.
She also doubted: "Is marrying this man really the life she wants? Why do you even start to not know yourself?"
can be changed again. Are you still waiting for someone at the age of 39?
Looking at her ex-boyfriend getting married, she thought, "Just make do with it for the rest of her life."
decisively proposed to this "cohabiting roommate".
vulgar women are such vulgar women.
cannot be high, and cannot be low.
is not born in a wealthy family, has no talent for being smart and extraordinary, nor has the beauty of being beautiful.
is clearly trying his best to live, but he is either hitting a wall or being criticized.
looks at his middle age, having nothing, accomplishing nothing, and even unable to move.
But this old vulgar girl is so similar to us.
As director Xie Yingxuan said: "Like Chen Jialin, I have been circled between self-confidence and self-abandonment. This drama reflects too much, reflecting how I met the beautiful Chen Jialin at the age of 39, and also dedicated this work to all women."
Perhaps seeing this confused, anxious and helpless vulgar girl Chen Jialin, you also want to ask like me:
How can every ordinary and ordinary woman get out of the mental difficulties, get rid of the shackles of society, and meet a beautiful self?
Why do I advise you not to marry a "cheesy" concept of marriage?
Someone said, "If it weren't for the title of the drama, this drama would have been flooded in the circle of friends."
But I want to say, "The word vulgar really expresses the sadness of women."
What is vulgar?
is the female anxiety since you were born.
Good woman, well-behaved and sensible, well-educated.
A good wife, virtuous and gentle, she must go to the hall and go to the kitchen.
Good mother, meticulous and tender as spring breeze.
Where are you?
Your needs, your desires, your self, retreats again and again in social roles.
has no personal color, like a replica produced by a large factory in society.
Is
cruel?
This is the "vulgarization" that every woman has experienced or is experiencing.
Some people say, "Women can have no job, at least they have a family?"
Some people say, "Don't have too high vision, just get married."
Some people say, "The eldest is not young, and only with marriage and children can life be guaranteed."
How many people have spent their whole lives in order to ensure the so-called guarantee in the last twenty years of their lives, and live an extremely conservative and cautious life.
They shrink themselves into a ball, endure their bad partner, and endure their disgusting life.
temporarily ignore these sounds, you will hear another sound and see another world.
Have you noticed that the "cheesy" concept of marriage is quietly changing?
More and more marriages are separated from conventional operations, and each time they will cause countless controversies.
If you don’t cheat, is it a good husband?
In "My Favorite Women", four wives complain that their husbands are playing games.
Zhong Liti said: "Actually, it's okay to love playing games. At least he didn't go out and was at home every day."
How many women's thoughts are this? How many cold marriages have been with you for a lifetime?
Cai Shaofen immediately retorted: "No. Men say this, it's too selfish. If you don't go out to fool around and drink, are you a good man? If you ignore your wife and don't notice your wife's feelings, you are still not a good man."
Yuan Hong, get up at six in the morning, make breakfast, and take care of your baby.
Many people praised after reading it: "What kind of peerless good man is this? Zhang Xinyi In the previous life, he must have saved the Milky Way! How many women's longing is this?"
Zhang Xinyi said: "Shouldn't this be the standard for a normal man?"
A man is no longer a must-have in life.
A "peerless good man" is the standard for women!
Why?
Because marriage is gradually no longer a compulsory course, but an elective course.
40-year-old Chen Qiaoen said: "Even if you can't meet the right person in this life, you are destined to live alone until old age. Then I have to be a rich old woman."
Lin Chiling always had many netizens urged her to get married before getting married, but she said firmly: "Actually, there are many single girls like me now. I think we should not deny the many social values we bear and deny ourselves because of so-called age and other issues. We can get the happiness we should have at this stage from life, friends, and work. That is another kind of happiness.When you are ready, what should come will come as promised. "
What are they waiting for? What is the marriage they want to choose like?
is a man who supports himself to go crazy and break into himself, and a rich life of self-realization.
Wang Yuelun said: "Of course, men should focus on their wife's career. "
Li Chengxuan is in charge of the family. Regarding the work that is so busy with taking off, he said: "Every day, I just want her to rest and be happier after I get home. ”
does not have any complaints of machoism, but supports a woman with full support for love and supports her to realize her pursuit.
The rebellion of middle-aged women, you can't stand
What's the difference?
. Fixed roles VS Flexible division of labor
In the play, Chen Jialin's second aunt is a teacher in the system, 30 years old, and in 1988.
The blind date partner married her, but she just wanted a fertility tool.
The deepest harm comes not only from other people's eyes, but also from the discrimination of family members.
Grandma Jialin said: "A 30-year-old woman doesn't get married, you are shameless, I want it! "
Jialin's father said: "How can a 30-year-old woman live in the future if she doesn't get married? "
This is a functional marriage. Even now, it has become a shackle that every woman cannot escape in her life, regardless of region or identity.
Getting married is to pass on the family line and to catch up with the social outbreak.
Getting married, what men should do and what women should do, has a certain number of them.
But my second aunt is in tears, but she will never give in.
Why?
Because the self in marriage is not a robot, it exists for certain functions.
is a person with flesh and blood and self, so that there can be a real relationship.
This is a personal marriage.
. Self-sacrifice vs. self-realization
The grandma in the play is traditionally conservative and has been a housewife for decades.
In a word, the breath of the times hits her face, and she said: "Before marriage, you are a virgin, and you are happy after marriage. "
In a functional marriage, self-sacrificing for the family and compromising and giving up one's needs is regarded as a virtue.
When she is old and sick, she said what she has always hidden in her heart.
"The times have changed, and there are many people you have not married now. Grandma sometimes envies you and can do whatever you want. Grandma has been Chen Li Yueying for 60 years, and now I am tired. When grandma is too lazy to breathe, she scatters her ashes into the sea so that she can be free to be Li Yueying? ”
lived for the family all his life, but he was unwilling to be buried in the ancestral grave after he died.
Why?
Because she didn’t have her own in this family that had devoted her whole life.
Just like Liu Mintao When talking about marriage, he said: “The bright smile on the wedding photo is not the whole expression of life after that. In marriage, I gradually lived a blurry face. "
The deeper the depression, the more violent the explosion.
37 years old, Liu Mintao divorced with his child.
first half of her life, she was always "other people's child", and she followed the process beautifully.
in the second half of her life, she decided to be herself, take risks in life as she pleases, and find herself in the collision with the world.
This is true for personal marriage. We are no longer just to become a good wife, a good mother, or a good woman, nor to be someone in the eyes of others, but to become a better self in marriage.
As Chen Jialin said: "This life is actually very long, it is so long that you can fall and stand up again, and wake up in dreams; this life is actually very short, so short that you don't have time to force yourself again, and don't have time to hate yourself again."
When the pain continues, fate is actually telling you: wake up! Stand up!
And I believe that in the future, there will be more women who can stretch freely, appearing around you and me.
The most important thing is that they always love their current selves.
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