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Writer Ono said that he had no choice in his life since he was a child, and it was difficult for him to buy a shirt in a department store. But when he became a father, he carefully cared for every choice of his child and accompanied him to make decisions on the size of his life. He believes that there is no good or bad choice, even if you fail or go the wrong way, it will be meaningful and will make you "the you today". The child has grown up. Now that Ono faces the choice of life, his son and daughter have become his important consultant.
Lin Youren Photo
Text: Zhang Yanwen
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My younger brother went out with his father when he was a child. The weather was very hot on the way back. Someone sold ice on the way. Dad asked him if he wanted to eat. He shook his head and said, "I'm not hot, I don't want to eat ice." After returning home, my father wrote a diary, saying that the child was very sensible and knew that his family was poor. Even if he wanted to eat, he still answered not.
The choice my brother made is to satisfy his father's desires rather than his own. My younger brother is a microcosm of my generation. In an era when you can’t even have enough food, survival is the only purpose, how can you make a choice? Even if you are asked to choose, you know which option is what adults want.
You think the child is making a choice, but his choice is two types: one is to really know what he wants; the other is that his choice is to satisfy adults, not himself, like my younger brother and my daughter.
My son and daughter lived in different years. They have had many opportunities to choose since childhood, but the two children have completely different reactions in the matter of "making choices" since childhood.
The brother who dares to have the biggest dream
The brother is very self-centered and always chooses the best, largest, and most expensive one every time. He is always over and over again and hesitant. My sister is very determined without any hesitation, and always chooses the simplest and most appropriate one. When they were young, I had a misunderstanding that my brother didn’t understand what he wanted, and my sister was very good at making choices.
It was not until my sister was in her twenties that she complained to me about a past event that I realized that the misunderstanding was a big mistake.
Once our family went to Hong Kong to play, and our brother who was studying for elementary school and younger sister who was in kindergarten. When we returned, we could go to Toys R Us to pick one toy each. From the beginning, my sister picked a small blackboard that I could buy anywhere, less than 100 yuan (NTD).
From the moment I entered the door, my brother kept picking and changing, and finally picked a Batman with 800 yuan (NTD). On the way to checkout, I saw a limited edition Batman with a price of 4,000 (NTD) and changed it: "I want this one!" His mother finally got angry, thinking that he had no opinion and would only choose the most expensive one, so she was not allowed to buy it. It was me who came forward to relax and say good things to my son, and the brother and sister were happy to bring the toy they chose home.
After more than twenty years, my sister is still worried about this matter. She said that she regretted it after the election, but we praised her firmness and scolded her brother for her performance, so she didn't dare to change it. But she envied her brother very much. She insisted on asking for it so much, and she would cry and make a fuss, and finally got what she wanted.
Just as my daughter said, my son chooses the best one if he wants to choose and strive for it. Since childhood, the girls he likes are the most beautiful in the school. I helped him chase girls in high school. Although he didn't chase them, he didn't care, at least he tried it.
graduated from university. He missed movies. He had never made movies and was not a related department. He actually filled in the top ten best schools in the American Film Institute. My friends in the movie circle laughed at him; I also advised him to choose a school that matches his level. He said: "Dad, it costs so much money to study in the United States. If you can't study the best one, I'll just get a diploma in Taiwan." Later, he was admitted to Columbia University and his graduation work also won the Golden Spike Award.
This is what he is, he wants the best all the way, and try his best to get it. Other parents may scold him, saying that he is too ambitious and unrealistic. But why did you block his imagination of the future? Why not let him go? If he fails, he will find a way. As long as he is willing to bear the consequences, he will be responsible for his choice.
The daughter who dared not want said, "I want to leave school!"
Since childhood, she has been warm and considerate, decisive in making choices, and her life seems to be smooth sailing, faced great career confusion in high school. At the end of the first semester of her first year of high school, she told us: "I want to take a break from school!"
Since childhood, she knew that life has many possibilities; but the celebrity middle school she went to was filled with the value of "only the first three volunteers are the school." She didn't get into the top three choices that year, and this setback made her lack of confidence in herself and doubt about her studies.
My daughter suggested that she wanted to leave school, so I asked her to think about it for a long time. My wife and I went for a walk, and we agreed after half a day, but there are two conditions: first, plan our study and life after taking a break; second, leave school before going to school after finishing the first year of high school.
She has been preparing for her future school leave life throughout the semester of her senior year. After the plan to leave school, listen to " Aerial English Classroom " at 7:30 in the morning every day, and then start a day of learning, creating, reading books to strengthen your Chinese language skills, looking for courses to strengthen your interest in astronomy, etc. There is also a memorial book full of blessings from classmates at home. She announced to the whole world that she would take a break from school, and she cut off her own way of retreat and made great determination.
The day before she went through the school leave, she wrote a letter to me, saying that these five months were enough, and she was actually in a state of trouble because she failed the high school entrance exam, so she couldn't pass the test. Now she figured it out and decided to finish high school and study design in college. After thinking through it, she knew what it was for high school, so she was happier and willing. She chose to take the college entrance exam after high school.
I am very ordinary. If my children are very well-behaved, excellent and smooth sailing, I will be very happy like ordinary parents. But in most cases, your child may be very ordinary, have no outstanding academic performance, and is not particularly outstanding. I just know very well that life is like this tortuous and twists.
I have studied in the biology department, worked as a biology teacher, gave up the opportunity to study for a doctorate in the United States and returned to Taiwan to write, wrote novels and essays, and worked in movies and TV. Every time I change my life, I am not afraid of it. I only know that being a teacher cannot satisfy me, I only know that I don’t like the life of a scientist in the United States, but what do I like? I'm not specific, and when I vaguely know that this seems to be what I want, I go after it.
People who grow up in this mood will be very careful when becoming a father, not easily extinguishing the child's ideas, and not easily telling the child what he should do.
I am not such a wise father, I know the future path of my child. I just truly believe that adults have made so many wrong choices in their lifetime, and they are really not smart enough to know which choice is the truly "correct" choice. Moreover, it doesn’t matter whether the choice is right or wrong. Who are you? What kind of life do you want? It will decide the choice you make.
Even if you choose the wrong one, your life will not be ruined because of this.
My son once asked me, "If I went to a wedding shop to work as a photographer later, would you be disappointed?" I said no, and then said, "If you tell me, I finally understand that I was on the wrong path, or that there was no way to film, what's wrong with you being a wedding photography to support yourself?" He said, "I don't need to study in the United States for so long." I told him that it was a precious and luxurious life in your life. Dad can help you do it, and I am very happy.
I studied in the Department of Biology at the university for four years and worked in the medical school for two years. I went to the United States for public expenses and gave up. Didn’t I waste ten years? The movies and TV I later did seem to have nothing to do with these experiences, but I am indeed different from others because of this.
Why am I so confident that I let my child make choices? Because I have seen clearly that every part of my life has meaning. Whether it is failure or taking the wrong path, it will eventually make you who you are today.
Does not erase children’s imagination of life
When children are young, I rarely say to them, “I will teach you.” It’s just that when he makes a choice, accompany him to see what kind of person are you? What are the advantages? What is suitable for? Find the direction he suits from his personality. He will be more confident and confident people will be less likely to make wrong decisions.
Now they are in their thirties, but the situation is the other way around. I often need their opinions when making choices. Not long ago, I wrote a fantasy novel for the first time. I had not finished writing 30,000 words yet, so I sent it to my son and daughter first. They each wrote back to me and told me how to write it. My son came back from studying the movie and I happened to be going to act in the movie. I asked my son to teach me two tricks. He said, "There is a principle: Don't look at your opponent's eyes. Once you look at them, the camera will jump. If you don't look at them, he can't cut them, and you will let you perform the whole show."
When I played, my eyes really didn't look at the other person. The director said that it was wrong. You have been acting seven or eight times, but you don't look at the other person. I said, I played a neurotic doctor, so I don't look at the other person. The director was angry and said, "I'll play it for you." I smirked in my heart: "Actually, this is what my son taught me." When I asked my son, I really asked, believing him from the bottom of my heart.
This method will teach the child to become smarter early, and he will come back to help me one day. I hope my child is smart and comes to save me. How to become smart? I use the method I think is more right, an open and full of possibilities, and I actually hope that one day he can help me save (laugh).
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