Wang Wei wrote in "Zhongnan Farewell": "Go to the water poor, sit and watch the clouds rise."
This poem is the work of Wang Weizhong in his later years, and this poem is also his The portrait of retired life reveals a sad and transparent state of mind that sees through the world.
When we enter old age, can we see through life and find the balance point that suits our own survival?
has a neighbor who has lived alone for five or six years. Her son, who had settled in another city, asked her to sell the old house and then they could work together to buy a larger house so that the whole family could live together for easier care.
When people get old, they will feel lonely. Upon hearing the proposal, neighbors began contacting real estate agents. The old house was not easy to sell. After two or three months, there was no movement. The neighbor's son called again and said that he had taken a fancy to a house and asked the neighbor to come and take a look.
The neighbor agreed, and the son asked the neighbor how much deposit he still had. If it was suitable to view the house, he would pay the deposit first. So, the neighbor transferred all the savings to a card and took it to the city where his son was.
I didn’t buy that apartment in the end. I looked at a few more apartments later, but nothing seemed too suitable. The neighbor stayed at the house at the invitation of the son's family.
initially got used to it, and everyone treated each other with respect. But as time went by, contradictions became apparent.
They have different schedules, different living habits, and different perspectives and ways of looking at problems... Living together does not have the kind of happy and harmonious scene that neighbors imagined, with children and grandchildren around us.
On the contrary, she has to live cautiously, which is very unaccustomed to her. After the couple went to work and the children went to school, she still had to do housework and cook meals for the family, which was not as relaxing as when she was alone.
wants to go out for a walk, but he doesn’t know the way, and there are no old neighbors to chat or hang out with. After the young couple came back, the daughter-in-law helped the children with their homework, and the son took on private work to support the family. He had no time to chat with her.
Watching my daughter-in-law help her children with their homework, I was in a panic. My neighbor’s blood pressure rose and he had to go downstairs to sit down in the community.
Later, news came to the family that someone wanted to buy a house, but the neighbor hesitated. In the end, she gave her son her savings and returned to live in her old house.
As I get older, it is really convenient to be closer to my daughter. But if you live together for a long time, sooner or later friction will arise.
This is not a question of whether children are filial or not, or whether the elderly are kind or kind. Just like there are not so many black and white in life, but there are gray areas. There are conflicts between husband and wife, let alone two generations.
The experience of the old couple in the bun shop in " An Jia " reminds us.
An old couple from a steamed bun shop worked hard all their lives, getting up early every morning to make steamed buns and saving money to buy a house for their son in Shanghai. And this old couple has lived in a small, stuffy bun shop for half their lives.
When the lease of their bun shop came to an end, the old couple dragged their luggage and wanted to move into the house they bought for their son, but they were kicked out. Not to mention living together, they are not even qualified to stay overnight.
It is said that raising children will prevent old age and hoarding grain to prevent hunger. In fact, when you get old and your hair turns gray, it is your wife who stays with you the longest, not your children.
We have been worrying about this all our lives, and some parents even lose themselves for the sake of their children.
In fact, we don’t have to make such choices in life. Parents and children are just fate, and they just have to fulfill their respective responsibilities. No matter what kind of love you have, you don’t have to turn yourself into another person’s appendage.
When children grow up, they will have their own families and form their own personalities. We should also have our own lives.
If your original intention of having children is to raise them for old age, then I advise you to change your thinking, otherwise it will be easy to get entangled, sentimental, and even doubt life.
Long Yingtai wrote such a passage in "Seeing Off", which has been circulated for a long time:
"The so-called scene between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is for this life. The world keeps watching his back fade away.
You stand at this end of the path and watch him gradually disappear at the corner of the path. Moreover, his back silently tells you: "There is no need to chase after this." In this world, one can never live as a completely independent individual. Therefore, we will involve various interpersonal relationships, relationships between husband and wife, relationships between friends, relationships between classmates, and relationships between colleagues.
Every relationship is for getting together, but there is only one relationship that is born for separation. That is the relationship between parents and children.
From the initial intimacy to the final independence. Of course, if the child is tired from flying, it will return to the nest to rest, but it will not stay permanently. After they adjust themselves, they will continue to set off.
So as a parent, you must be prepared to be lonely. When your child starts a family, don't mix yourself with your child's small family. That will not benefit both of you and will become a burden to each other.
Of course, this does not mean that the bond between children and their parents is broken. It is more about interdependence on the basis of maintaining distance.
can be translated into practice and can be understood as: When you are old, you should not choose to live under the same roof with your children. Instead, you can choose to live near your children's residence, in the same community or area, or rent or buy a room. house.
not only facilitates taking care of each other, but also reserves a reasonable and safe space for communication. Although the elderly and their children are closely related by blood, they still need to protect each other's dignity and freedom.
-END-
The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[Article | Wei Wei'an: The pen is warm and speaks for love. An atypical writer who loves words invites you to experience life together]
