Hello everyone, I am the Xiaoxia who writes movie reviews for you. Today I want to complain about a movie called " writes poems for you " .
You may not have heard of this movie, which was released for more than ten days and only had a box office of tens of millions. But it doesn't matter, this movie is great.
its director is Kenji Wu , its screenwriter is also Kenji Wu , and its starring role is still Kenji Wu . When you hear this trinity posture, do you feel like you have seen the return of Yan?
That's right, what Xiaoxia is talking about is Douban's last masterpiece, " Dream Showbiz " written and directed by Bi Zhifei .
Let us now step into Wu Kequn’s mind and see if this has-been singer’s movie Virgo has the ability to catch up with Director Bi -
Wu Kequn, whose name is Chen Shijie in this film, is a man with great The dream of being a star is all about playing a minor role.
played the role of the portrait on the tombstone in "Young and Dangerous Brothers Don't Cry";
played the role of the second five boys behind Bu Jingyun in "The Storm of Bears Dominate the World";
The protagonist's fist is bigger than his face
In Pan Yue'an's "The Most Chestful Day", he became a lying corpse;
will always live in the cracks of the backlight
In Wang Cyndi and Zhang Dongliang's "A Smile Will Not Fall Down", there was soy sauce.
Completely blocked by branches
The above plots can be called an ultra-low-end copycat of "The King of Comedy" , or a middle-aged upgraded version of "Dream Showbiz" , which may be more appropriate. Director Bi could have filed a complaint against Wu Kequn for plagiarizing his ideas.
Actually, the entertainment industry cannot be blamed for Chen Shijie playing a small role. Watch him rolling around in Haojiyou hot pot restaurant and talking nonsense. You will understand that this kind of devilish performance is not as good as a Spring Festival Gala sketch.
Maybe he knew that the plot could not attract the audience, so director Kenji Wu gave the film the biggest bonus -
It's really too breasty... I'm talking about that bald bully is too fierce, don't get it wrong.
After scaring away the bald bully, Chen Shijie saw his first girlfriend on TV while making hot pot. She is present in TV dramas, commercials, and the animal world. The most annoying thing is that not only is she present at the award ceremony, but also her husband, who is also a bald man.
It seems that the name Wu Kequn is really related to the bald head.
Because of his girlfriend's various memories, Chen Shijie, stimulated by alcohol, began to beat faster, and then traveled back to twenty years ago with a "biu" sound.
Jay Chou , Jay Chou Don’t be angry. You are also a singer. You can film "The Secret That Cannot Be Tellable" . Of course Kenji Wu can also film time travel dramas.
Chen Shijie's first love is named Hei Xiaozhen . She is a girl who likes to wear roller skates and cheat on campus.
Hei Xiaozhen first cheated and beat away Chen Shijie who confessed his love in broad daylight;
then played with his legs in the classroom in public, and then loudly reprimanded Chen Shijie for his hooligan behavior.
I say girl, if you have something to say, please close your legs first. Who is the more gangster?
Chen Shijie is not a fool either. After traveling through time several times, he summed up an experience: As long as his heartbeat exceeds 160, he will You can definitely go back to the past.
But there is another point. This kind of time travel that relies purely on thoughts is not as stable as the black technology of holding a moonlight treasure box. If in the past, once the heartbeat was too fast, it would also cause the time travel to fail.
So in order to get his girlfriend back from the bald man, Chen Shijie made various attempts to increase his heartbeat:
such as high platform diving, drinking coffee, and suicidal skiing.
However, compared to the main task of picking up girls on campus, Chen Shijie at this time must first complete a copy of ", eliminate violence, and be good and good ".
It turns out that roller skating queen Hei Xiaozhen has a good friend who sells pirated CDs in the old street. This kind of disrespect for intellectual copyright naturally aroused the dissatisfaction of the well-known local villain Brother Yu.
In the process of fighting pornography and illegal activities, Brother Yu used inappropriate violence, which aroused the onlookers and dissatisfaction of the people who eat melons.
Chen Shijie thought that by helping his girlfriend's friends, he could win his girlfriend's favor, so he planned a plan to have sex together.
First, Hei Xiaozhen pretended to be a pregnant woman and got a miscarriage, and then the brothers swarmed in and used the power of public opinion to defeat Brother Yu.
In order to show the value of friendship, Wu Kequn used the technique of expressing desire before restraining. The brothers first ran away inhumanely, and then stood up with conscience.
Now, even a hit of porcelain can be upgraded to a street blockbuster.
In the familiar BGM of "The Storm" , Xiaoxia not only has no emotions at all, but even wants to cry, because this is the worst time for "Young and Dangerous" to be hacked. once.
The street fight came to an end, and Chen Shijie returned to the main plot of picking up girls. As graduates of the acting class, they have to complete the "Butterfly Lovers" arranged by Li Jing. The local tycoon Bald Qiang, relying on his rich connections, won the male lead of Liang Shanbo and launched a fierce love offensive against Zhu Yingtai, played by Hei Xiaozhen.
As a poor man, Chen Shijie proposed to adapt the second ending of the fate of "Butterfly Lovers" and won the qualification to become Liang Shanbo's spare tire.
Then we saw Chen Shijie winking at the eye chart, practicing boxing against the wooden dummy, and exercising his sphincter against the table tennis ball...ah, no, it's the masseter muscle.
Xiaoxia didn’t understand at first, what are you doing? Later, at the graduation party, Chen Shijie's performance of "China Is Afraid of Darkness" shocked everyone, and I suddenly realized that he was actually showing off his skills!
However, I think this is also the worst time that eye exercises, Wing Chun and the national table tennis team have been hacked! The love mission in the main plot of
is expected, but Brother Yu in the side plot always surprises people.
killed Brother Yu who was a retaliator, kidnapped Chen Shijie and others, and threatened Hei Xiaozhen to break up the house if he didn't hand over the house deed. Although he looks fierce, he is a filial son who listens to his mother.
When her old mother celebrated her 60th birthday, she wanted to see Sun Nan's concert, so Chen Shijie patted her chest and promised that her wish would be fulfilled.
Sun Nan, who has a double chin, has long since passed away and has become a fossil-level memory. But it is still difficult to invite him to sing karaoke at home, so Chen Shijie decided to replace Sun Nan with the civet cat and trick him into Brother Yu's house.
Let us skip the bloody process and listen directly to the song "See You or Not Part" which is full of memories of the fathers...
Sun Nan was moved by Chen Shijie's spirit of daring to touch porcelain, but Hei Xiaozhen went berserk. On the bridge, she expressed strong condemnation of Chen Shijie's behavior of not cherishing his own life, and casually satirized Chen Shijie's fate of being a sideshow.
The rain that night was heavier than when Andy escaped from Shawshank prison. The shocked Chen Shijie's heart beat too fast, and he was brought back to reality with a loud bang.
Hospital Supernatural Events
The doctor said that Chen Shijie would die if his heart beat again, but with the encouragement of love and the help of electric shock, Chen Shijie completed his last time travel. So we saw the "Butterfly Lovers" just now, and also saw the forced reversal of the ending.
In fact, Hei Xiaozhen is the one with a heart disease. The girl looks strong on the surface, but she only has one year left to live in this world. Fortunately, she met Chen Shijie and gained a love that moved the world.
To be honest, this sensational routine did not move me, but made me more confused.Before Chen Shijie traveled through time, Hei Xiaozhen could successfully become an actress and a winner in life; but after Chen Shijie traveled through time, Hei Xiaozhen suffered from a terminal illness... Is this triggering a parallel universe?
The puzzling Xiaoxia wanted to say, "Write a Poem for You" This movie can be said to be a masterpiece of bad movies. Kequn Wu didn't leave out any of the car accident, miscarriage, and terminal illness themes commonly used in gory movies, and stuffed them all into the story.
In addition to the middle-aged man's forced pretense of smooth skin, we also watched the screen full of belly trembling. With such an eye-catching and sexy operation, I really don’t know what misunderstanding Wu Kequn has about his figure.
He didn’t even have any abdominal muscles, yet he dared to take off his clothes and make a movie, and ended up being called a bad movie. Xiaoxia can only send him eight words - death is more than deserved, death is not regrettable.
Singer Kenji Wu crosses over to make movies, imitating Jay Chou and painting a tiger instead of a dog. If you are worse than Bi Zhifei, you can still attract attention, but this film has a score of 3.9 on Douban. If it wants to tie "Dream Showbiz", it is still ten years behind "Frozen Man".
is so bad that it has no special features. It’s so sad.
Finally, Xiaoxia gave advice to other celebrities who are ready to make films.
You don’t need to teach acting in college to make good movies, Bi Zhifei is the proof;
You don’t have to be one of the Four Heavenly Kings to make good movies, Dawn is the proof;
You don’t need to have acted in a Spring Festival Gala sketch to make good movies Movies, Xiaoshenyang are proof;
You don’t have to be famous for singing before you can make a good movie, Wu Kequn is proof;
Is it so difficult to respect the art of film and respect the profession of director?
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